Greetings blogger stalkers (just kidding.)
I've been meaning to post this for a while, and well, life happens...even to those of us without much going on.
This year has been different to say the least. The first official year my husband has been fully separated from the military, and us completely living amongst other civilians.
I won't lie, it's been absolutely amazing living close to our friends and family again. There will never be a time my husband and I will ever choose a job career somewhere distant than being near family ever again. The long distance really took a toll on both of us (especially me.) We've come to realize we are better individuals when we get to see our families. To each their own, this is just what works for us.
Now onto all those questions we've constantly been getting...
First and foremost, the most frequently asked question we've received is our current living situation.
Where the heck are we living??
There have been quite a few "rumors" going around, but to much dismay, no, we are not living WITH either side of our families. We are renting an awesome rental from my husband's family. A fully self-sustained unit they remodeled the year prior, and asked if we would like to be the first ones to try it out. I won't lie, it's quite small (1 bed 1 bath) but for us with 2 fur kids, it's perfect for now. There are nooks, crannies, and a place for all our treasures. There are times where we get under each other's feet, but we consider ourselves blessed to be able to live in the same little town as both our families, and saving some $$$ for our first home. The kitties seem content, and this year we have plans to build a "catio" outside for them. I've hung up a clothesline to save on electricity, planted an array of flowers, and we have a sweet little patio area outdoors to share with our friends and family who come to visit. It's crazy how things really do fall into place at just the right time.
Which leads me to the next question. Why haven't we purchased a home yet???
This question might be tied with the first, because this one gets asked a TON as well.
We can technically purchase a home now. We have already been pre-qualified, and are planning to use the VA loan. However here's the catch. Homes around this neck of the woods are PRICEY at the moment. Like crazy over-priced (sorry but I expect 1920's shacks to be made of gold with a price tag of 450K...this isn't Portland folks.)
A year before my husband separated from the military we started searching for our first home, calling realtors, setting up showings, etc. I even came back to our hometown to check these homes out, send my husband pics, and contact the home owners with competitive offers.
In the past 2 years we've put FOUR different offers on FOUR beautiful and unique homes, all to be outbid by full cash offers. To say that was disappointing is putting it nicely.
We were really wanting to have a home waiting for us when my husband officially separated, but it just didn't work out (perfect timing with my in laws rental though huh?)
So for now, we are renting. While it's not our first choice, it's a smart move for us, in order to save up for a larger down payment. Hopefully (fingers crossed) in 3-5 years this crazy housing market here will cool off a bit. Because this is seriously cray cray, lol.
I think that's kinda all I'd like to cover in this blog post. There's a few other things I would like to share that's been weighing on my heart, but I think I'll leave that for another time.
Until then, happy Wednesday!
Cheers,
~Kadie
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
[why] I don't do Winter
Tuesday, December 26th.
The day after Christmas. The most busiest day to return items to the store.
An introvert's worst nightmare (well one of them.)
If you've been with me for a while, you would know that I'm an introvert, and don't really like people. If you're new to my blog, or have no idea who I am, then hey, hi hello, my name's Kadie and I'm a hardcore introvert/homebody.
So anyways, let's move on to the good juicy stuff, in which the title entails just what I'm gonna be talking about in this blog post.
It's been a while again hasn't it? Yeah, I'm kinda bad at keeping up with this stuff. And to be honest, I have really no good excuse other than I'm one lazy piece of (eh, I wouldn't consider myself that low...)
Scratch that. I've just been doing other things with my personal life than blogging.
It's wintertime here in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, and putting it nicely, I hate it.
It's not necessarily the fact that it's FREAKIN' cold out there (although I am vaguely aware that there are other places on this planet that reach the single and even negative temps?!? GASP???)
Ya wanna know why I really don't like this time of year? Let me begin about 3 years ago...
It was December 27th, 2014. My husband and I had landed on US soil for the first time in a year, after being overseas the past 3 years. We had just moved to Idaho, and wanted to visit our families during the holidays in Washington. The holidays were a magical and special time, and we weren't able to spend this time together the past 3 years, so we really wanted to take advantage of the [shorter] distance between our families and us.
I think our heads were still filled with that adrenaline of stupidity from being away for so long, because traveling from Idaho to SW Washington during THE BUSIEST and WORST WEATHER time of year has got to be one of the dumbest things either of us had thought of doing in a 2WD with summer tires vehicle. (ARE YOU KIDDING ME.)
Well somehow we managed the trek to our families, but the way back to Idaho was a different story.
It took us 12, yes TWELVE hours instead of the usual 8 to drive back.
To make matters worse, we got into a car accident.
I remember the short pause of silence before the impact. I remember my arm hitting the dash board, and bracing for impact. I remember the loud crash, the cat carries flying forward.
You don't really forget stuff like that.
Thankfully we all weren't seriously hurt to the point that we needed medical assistance, just a little bruised up. Our car was banged up pretty bad, and had to be towed to the nearest mechanic. Granted this was at 2:30 in the freaking morning...yeah.
So this is one of the reasons why I don't like winter. Because of the remembering of the car accident...it's called PTSD (and not just military personnel can have it.) There I admitted it. I'm afraid. I don't care if I'm driving or not, I don't want to be in a vehicle if the roads are snowy/icy/whatever.
Another reason I don't do winter is the cold. Thank you sweet Baby Jesus for providing us heat the past 3 years, because the 3 years before that were basically miserable. Living in 53 degree F conditions where your hands are so cold that even with gloves they still swell and ache isn't fun.
Wintertime just isn't something I like. The holidays are filled with crazy spending, and too many people in the stores. The days are short, the nights are cold. The roads are sketchy.
I know I'm complaining, that there are far worse things to be sour about. That life is short, and to just suck it up, and deal with it. To grab life by the reins, or whatever the heck you hang on to, and steer your own path. It's MY life.
But hey ya know what? This is my blog, my life, and this is my way of venting, without pouring every single thing I'm thinking on social media. Because I know I'm already annoying quite a few peeps with my silly snow story excuses.
Until the driveway melts, I'll be here. Blogging, crafting, listening to some new tunes on Spotify. Basically waiting it out until the dang ice melts, and I can wrap my head about actually going into civilization again.
Thank God for internet. And brie cheese.
Oh am I a first world problem person or what?
The day after Christmas. The most busiest day to return items to the store.
An introvert's worst nightmare (well one of them.)
If you've been with me for a while, you would know that I'm an introvert, and don't really like people. If you're new to my blog, or have no idea who I am, then hey, hi hello, my name's Kadie and I'm a hardcore introvert/homebody.
So anyways, let's move on to the good juicy stuff, in which the title entails just what I'm gonna be talking about in this blog post.
It's been a while again hasn't it? Yeah, I'm kinda bad at keeping up with this stuff. And to be honest, I have really no good excuse other than I'm one lazy piece of (eh, I wouldn't consider myself that low...)
Scratch that. I've just been doing other things with my personal life than blogging.
It's wintertime here in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, and putting it nicely, I hate it.
It's not necessarily the fact that it's FREAKIN' cold out there (although I am vaguely aware that there are other places on this planet that reach the single and even negative temps?!? GASP???)
Ya wanna know why I really don't like this time of year? Let me begin about 3 years ago...
It was December 27th, 2014. My husband and I had landed on US soil for the first time in a year, after being overseas the past 3 years. We had just moved to Idaho, and wanted to visit our families during the holidays in Washington. The holidays were a magical and special time, and we weren't able to spend this time together the past 3 years, so we really wanted to take advantage of the [shorter] distance between our families and us.
I think our heads were still filled with that adrenaline of stupidity from being away for so long, because traveling from Idaho to SW Washington during THE BUSIEST and WORST WEATHER time of year has got to be one of the dumbest things either of us had thought of doing in a 2WD with summer tires vehicle. (ARE YOU KIDDING ME.)
Well somehow we managed the trek to our families, but the way back to Idaho was a different story.
It took us 12, yes TWELVE hours instead of the usual 8 to drive back.
To make matters worse, we got into a car accident.
I remember the short pause of silence before the impact. I remember my arm hitting the dash board, and bracing for impact. I remember the loud crash, the cat carries flying forward.
You don't really forget stuff like that.
Thankfully we all weren't seriously hurt to the point that we needed medical assistance, just a little bruised up. Our car was banged up pretty bad, and had to be towed to the nearest mechanic. Granted this was at 2:30 in the freaking morning...yeah.
So this is one of the reasons why I don't like winter. Because of the remembering of the car accident...it's called PTSD (and not just military personnel can have it.) There I admitted it. I'm afraid. I don't care if I'm driving or not, I don't want to be in a vehicle if the roads are snowy/icy/whatever.
Another reason I don't do winter is the cold. Thank you sweet Baby Jesus for providing us heat the past 3 years, because the 3 years before that were basically miserable. Living in 53 degree F conditions where your hands are so cold that even with gloves they still swell and ache isn't fun.
Wintertime just isn't something I like. The holidays are filled with crazy spending, and too many people in the stores. The days are short, the nights are cold. The roads are sketchy.
I know I'm complaining, that there are far worse things to be sour about. That life is short, and to just suck it up, and deal with it. To grab life by the reins, or whatever the heck you hang on to, and steer your own path. It's MY life.
But hey ya know what? This is my blog, my life, and this is my way of venting, without pouring every single thing I'm thinking on social media. Because I know I'm already annoying quite a few peeps with my silly snow story excuses.
Until the driveway melts, I'll be here. Blogging, crafting, listening to some new tunes on Spotify. Basically waiting it out until the dang ice melts, and I can wrap my head about actually going into civilization again.
Thank God for internet. And brie cheese.
Oh am I a first world problem person or what?
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Damaged Souls
"You will never understand the amount of pain that can stay hidden away in the deepest corners of a lonely damaged soul unless it's inside you."
-JS
We're all a little messed up really. The way a human being encounters life, against whatever odds are thrown at us. I agree, some of us may have it "easier" than others...or so it may seem. Some of us deal with things better than others. But there is no mistaking that some of us have been so hurt, that we become damaged, bruised souls.
It became apparent that no matter the effort or love given to someone,
They have to allow themselves to accept and appreciate it.
It comes with time; to learn, to grow, and understand.
You weren't meant to live in despair, to feel hopeless.
Life is too short to be sad.
Individuals come into our lives for a reason,
Whether it's for the good to help aid,
Or for the bad to learn a lesson.
Life is random, beautiful and terrifying all at once.
You are not broken, only bruised.
Little by little, you are healing.
It comes with accepting, believing.
You are worthy of all life's endeavors.
You are a survivor, a fighter.
Keep telling yourself that.
~KWF
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Hurry UP and WAIT
So it's a "Talk about it Tuesday" which I created many moons ago, yet never took it seriously, basically completely forgot it even existed, and here we are.
With a glass of wine in tow, Ben Howard on Spotify, and a mind full of thoughts, here's how this blog post is going to start off.
Long, slow sip...
My last blog post entry was a brutally honest, yet very real in depth look into how my life has changed over the past 6 months. I've grown from this once bitter, "bitchy," hasty prude, who never wanted even the thought of raising a human child, to a more open-minded, spiritual, somewhat cheerful individual, who opened her extremely naive mind up to the thought of foster-adoption. Because heaven forbid, someone as mentally unstable and hypochondriac as myself could ever envision the thought of bearing children. Come on, it's me, Kadie. Really?
The amount of views I received from said blog post was mind boggling.
Yikes.
Siiiipppp....
So now here's a new one for ya. One that's been on my mind for quite some time, pondering...almost lost in thought, then a spark of ignition and I have these thoughts wrapped around the cobwebs in my thinking cavity.
My life as I know it, is going to be changing in a few very short months. Well, it's more my [husband's] and my lives are going to be changing.
If you have absolutely no idea, my husband is currently in the service. Military.
This walk of life hasn't been the nicest to both of us, and a few years ago my husband made the decision to end his time in the military once his time in service was completed. And guess what folks-next year is it!! As much as we are completely thrilled by this ever closing chapter in our lives, I can't help but think, "We are so spoiled, and will so not be, once we return back to civilian life."
It's true.,.for the most part.
The military has provided quite a bit to a young and ignorant couple as ourselves. We unfortunately don't know anything else since we are a "military wed couple" who moved far across the world to an unknown fate just 6 days after saying "I do." We have been married for roughly 5 years currently, btw!
But this civilian world is going to be new, challenging, and basically a disaster, lol.
Ok maybe not a disaster, but it's going to be TOUGH.
Sip. Sip. Sip.
We have been very blessed to be offered housing from my husband's family, who are currently working on their rental for us, and then for more tenants in the future. I am so thankful for this opportunity because honestly, my husband and I wouldn't be able to afford rent when we move back to our hometown next year. The cost of living and rental prices are OUT OF THIS WORLD.
I wish we could buy a home. We've talked about it. But since my husband is separating, and will be unemployed, we will not qualify for any sort of home loan until we can prove we can provide a form of payment monthly. So there goes that.
I feel like I'm just babbling on this blog post, lol.
So there ya go. I feel like I'm hurry up and waiting for what feels like a century. I'm ready to be done with this current lifestyle, but at the same time I'm scared sh**less for what the future's going to hold. We'll be in limbo, unemployed, and basically starting off life from square one again. Talk about a game changer.
I would love to continue blogging my trials and tribulations of living amongst civilians again. It's going to be freaking scary. Part of my is ready, and part of my wants to curl up in the fetal position rocking myself while wearing footie pajamas and a jar of Nutella within arms reach.
Wish me luck.
With a glass of wine in tow, Ben Howard on Spotify, and a mind full of thoughts, here's how this blog post is going to start off.
Long, slow sip...
My last blog post entry was a brutally honest, yet very real in depth look into how my life has changed over the past 6 months. I've grown from this once bitter, "bitchy," hasty prude, who never wanted even the thought of raising a human child, to a more open-minded, spiritual, somewhat cheerful individual, who opened her extremely naive mind up to the thought of foster-adoption. Because heaven forbid, someone as mentally unstable and hypochondriac as myself could ever envision the thought of bearing children. Come on, it's me, Kadie. Really?
The amount of views I received from said blog post was mind boggling.
Yikes.
Siiiipppp....
So now here's a new one for ya. One that's been on my mind for quite some time, pondering...almost lost in thought, then a spark of ignition and I have these thoughts wrapped around the cobwebs in my thinking cavity.
My life as I know it, is going to be changing in a few very short months. Well, it's more my [husband's] and my lives are going to be changing.
If you have absolutely no idea, my husband is currently in the service. Military.
This walk of life hasn't been the nicest to both of us, and a few years ago my husband made the decision to end his time in the military once his time in service was completed. And guess what folks-next year is it!! As much as we are completely thrilled by this ever closing chapter in our lives, I can't help but think, "We are so spoiled, and will so not be, once we return back to civilian life."
It's true.,.for the most part.
The military has provided quite a bit to a young and ignorant couple as ourselves. We unfortunately don't know anything else since we are a "military wed couple" who moved far across the world to an unknown fate just 6 days after saying "I do." We have been married for roughly 5 years currently, btw!
But this civilian world is going to be new, challenging, and basically a disaster, lol.
Ok maybe not a disaster, but it's going to be TOUGH.
Sip. Sip. Sip.
We have been very blessed to be offered housing from my husband's family, who are currently working on their rental for us, and then for more tenants in the future. I am so thankful for this opportunity because honestly, my husband and I wouldn't be able to afford rent when we move back to our hometown next year. The cost of living and rental prices are OUT OF THIS WORLD.
I wish we could buy a home. We've talked about it. But since my husband is separating, and will be unemployed, we will not qualify for any sort of home loan until we can prove we can provide a form of payment monthly. So there goes that.
I feel like I'm just babbling on this blog post, lol.
So there ya go. I feel like I'm hurry up and waiting for what feels like a century. I'm ready to be done with this current lifestyle, but at the same time I'm scared sh**less for what the future's going to hold. We'll be in limbo, unemployed, and basically starting off life from square one again. Talk about a game changer.
I would love to continue blogging my trials and tribulations of living amongst civilians again. It's going to be freaking scary. Part of my is ready, and part of my wants to curl up in the fetal position rocking myself while wearing footie pajamas and a jar of Nutella within arms reach.
Wish me luck.
Monday, October 24, 2016
It's Been a While, and Things Have Changed...
I'm writing this on a Monday evening after spending 6 hours earlier this afternoon packaging up lots of orders from my "Spooky Sale" over on my Etsy shoppe (www.thesweetiebee.etsy.com)
It's been over 6 months since I've confided on my blog about my personal life.
Woah....
What's ironic about what I'm about to say might shock quite a few of you who have kept up with my blog over the past few years.
The last blog I wrote mentioned how children weren't an ideal addition to my current life, and possibly my future as well. I didn't feel as if I would make a great mother, and figured since I just didn't pose the "mommy brain" I would just come to terms with never experiencing that chapter in my life.
Over the past few months something has been weighing heavily on my heart.
That something is adoption.
I've been asked by numerous people who I've confided this to, tell me why would I wish to adopt?
Honestly, I think the reason why adoption weighs heavily on my heart is because the love and affection I have towards my two cats, Jubalee and Butters, and how they didn't spawn from my loins, yet I think of them as my babies, my "fur kids."
The "motherly" desire is there, clearly, because of the amount of love I have for my two cats. I don't know...I always remember the saying, "Love is love is love," and feel that I could love a child that didn't "come" from me.
Yes, I am very aware a CAT is NOT a human being. I am VERY aware human children are much more expensive, require much more needed care, and also much more dedication than the average feline.
But....is what many individuals do not understand is Jubalee is a diabetic cat, and requires much much more needed attention and care than any average cat. Again I am absolutely NOT comparing my diabetic feline to a child!!
I've also been versed in the costs for adopting a child. What country I wish to adopt from, and also whether or not to go forth with an open adoption verses a closed adoption. I am aware of the amount of time I could potentially be waiting for a child to enter my life as well.
I honestly haven't gotten too far into this thought, but it's there, and it's been weighing on my mind.
The thought of being a "mother" to a human child hasn't quite sunk in, and I still have absolutely no desire into having my own children. (Yes my husband and I are still happily married...this is NOT the reason I've been considering adoption.)
There are personal reasons why I've been considering this idea, yet I'm not comfortable discussing those reasons entirely.
Hopefully I'll post more often than once every 6 months, especially with this post and hopefully more similar to it.
Until next time,
Kadie~
It's been over 6 months since I've confided on my blog about my personal life.
Woah....
What's ironic about what I'm about to say might shock quite a few of you who have kept up with my blog over the past few years.
The last blog I wrote mentioned how children weren't an ideal addition to my current life, and possibly my future as well. I didn't feel as if I would make a great mother, and figured since I just didn't pose the "mommy brain" I would just come to terms with never experiencing that chapter in my life.
Over the past few months something has been weighing heavily on my heart.
That something is adoption.
I've been asked by numerous people who I've confided this to, tell me why would I wish to adopt?
Honestly, I think the reason why adoption weighs heavily on my heart is because the love and affection I have towards my two cats, Jubalee and Butters, and how they didn't spawn from my loins, yet I think of them as my babies, my "fur kids."
The "motherly" desire is there, clearly, because of the amount of love I have for my two cats. I don't know...I always remember the saying, "Love is love is love," and feel that I could love a child that didn't "come" from me.
Yes, I am very aware a CAT is NOT a human being. I am VERY aware human children are much more expensive, require much more needed care, and also much more dedication than the average feline.
But....is what many individuals do not understand is Jubalee is a diabetic cat, and requires much much more needed attention and care than any average cat. Again I am absolutely NOT comparing my diabetic feline to a child!!
I've also been versed in the costs for adopting a child. What country I wish to adopt from, and also whether or not to go forth with an open adoption verses a closed adoption. I am aware of the amount of time I could potentially be waiting for a child to enter my life as well.
I honestly haven't gotten too far into this thought, but it's there, and it's been weighing on my mind.
The thought of being a "mother" to a human child hasn't quite sunk in, and I still have absolutely no desire into having my own children. (Yes my husband and I are still happily married...this is NOT the reason I've been considering adoption.)
There are personal reasons why I've been considering this idea, yet I'm not comfortable discussing those reasons entirely.
Hopefully I'll post more often than once every 6 months, especially with this post and hopefully more similar to it.
Until next time,
Kadie~
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Are We Ever Having Kids?
Are we ever having kids???
Today we celebrated our four years of being in holy matrimony. It has seriously felt like it was just yesterday we were standing in front of our friends and family saying our vows to one another and exchanging rings, becoming one.
We've always had friends and family ask us when a Baby Frazier was in the works. Ever since our one year mark. We've joked around saying, "Well as a matter of fact we are!" and even did an April Fool's joke (this was before all the sensitivity of couples with infertility or miscarriages.) Although it was merely a joke, we were surprised to find out many friends and family weren't thrilled at first that we were "expecting."
About three years ago I became very bitter and drew myself in a very depressive and angry state of mind. I didn't want kids because I just didn't. This made my husband not only sad but confused since I had always wanted children way before we were married. I talked about names, genders, timeline of births, etc. My husband has always wanted kids too. He LOVES kids. When he was in high school he spent a few years caring for his nephew which he learned what kids need and how to discipline them. I was introduced to kids when I started working for some local day cares. Kids are AMAZING little people. I fell instantly in love with many of these little humans, and couldn't wait to have my own one day with my significant other.
Everything changed once I got married. Once I moved out of my parent's home, once I actually started adulting. I was ignorant, naive, and childish. I lived in this fantasy I saw on television, and how these families were so incredibly happy and life was carefree. Life ISN'T amazing all the time, and adulting is HARD.
So back to this serious question: Are my husband and I ever having KIDS??????????????????????
Honestly, after being married for four years, and together for almost six years, we are NOT the same people we were way back when. We've grown up, moved overseas and back, pay our own bills, and legitimately ADULT now. We still live far from family, and honestly can't call or run back to mommy and daddy all the time. We take care of ourselves, and we do us.
My husband and I have a five year plan, which at the moment doesn't include kids...yet.
We are separating from the military, moving back to our state of residency, and hopefully buying our first home. We are both planning to go back to school, receive degrees, be hired at stable jobs, and THEN maybe if we have a missing something in our lives, kids will happen. It's not a yes, but it's also not a no either.
We both love kids. We love our friend's kiddos here at our current base, and love seeing our friends bring new life into their family. Babies are seriously freaking adorable.
But we're just not sure if having our own kids is what we both want. This also goes for adoption. We just aren't sure. We are so fulfilled with our lives at the moment, and when we talk about having a baby, the conversation easily gets put on the back burner, because we simply can't imagine our lives with a baby yet.
Our lives are somewhat hectic currently. Many people don't believe that, and when we say "special need pets," many cock their head, or laugh out loud and say, "Oh sure."
Our kitties require quite a bit of attention, especially our little diabetic kitty, Jubalee Jujubee. We usually have to cut our dinners with friends short, or run back home to test, feed and give Jubalee her insulin. Then run back to our friend's home, and then back a few hours later to check her glucose numbers. She's not a person, who we can just tote along and everything's fine and dandy. She's a CAT. Cats are homebodies. Cats HATE car rides. Cats are weird, lol.
So there ya have it. Kiddos are not a definite no, but they're also not a definite yes either. We are also NOT "not preventing and what happens will happen" method. We respect every other couple's decision with their choice in children, and would appreciate our choice as well!
Friday, January 8, 2016
Almost Giving Up & Realizing the Reality
**DISCLAIMER: This blog post is NOT describing a suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, or any of the above. If you are going through any of these thoughts, PLEASE seek necessary help before reading someone else's thoughts and how they're attempting to get over their depression/anxiety. Mental illness should NOT be self diagnosed, and reading a blog post isn't the first place to start. Please seek help. I thought this should be made clear BEFORE you read in depth more into this blog post.
I almost gave up.
This last year, 2015 was by far the year I have struggled with the most out of all the years in my short 27 years of living. I'm not going to say the entire year was shit, because it wasn't. I had some amazing thing happen last year also.
But as a complete whole, the majority of last year was rocky.
I'm not exactly sure when I realized my "Ah Ha!" moment became a thing, but it did. Probably the new year had something to do with it, and probably all the folks with the memes jabbing how the gyms are always full with new people, then a few weeks later return to the same low number. Maybe it sparked my ambition, I dunno.
The year 2015 did something to me. It made me realize that my life up until those difficult moments was being lived ignorantly, and blindly. I was so incredibly oblivious to the "normality" of everyday life, having very little desire to escape my home, meet up with friends, or even volunteer my bottom loads of time to help the community. I was a dependent hermit, who hated being alone.
And sadly, I was completely and one hundred percent okay with that....or so I thought.
I really take those sayings about "In order to have the high moments, you have to experience the low moments in life as well" to heart. There's a bunch of them out there, and they all basically mean the same thing. In order to experience being happy, you also need experience being sad.
And that's exactly what happened to me in 2015. I was "sad" for most of the year, beginning in April when one of our beloved kitties fell deathly ill. My life during those moments was completely shattered. My heart was aching, and I felt so weak and unable to fully process what was happening to myself during those troubling moments.
I almost gave up.
My husband and I almost made the decision to put our very sick kitty to sleep, so she wouldn't suffer anymore. So we wouldn't suffer emotionally and financially anymore.
I almost gave up...hope.
I'd call this ultimately incredible low moment in my life a blessing in disguise. It made me so much more aware of life, and how ignorant and honestly STUPID I was to the outside world. Because I had been living this perfect little happy pappy fairy tale of a housewife for so long. Realistically speaking, I wasn't even slightly ready for something life changing as what happened to our kitty.
It was almost like a snowball effect, or when it rains it pours type of deal. One not-so-great thing happened again and again. A health scare, a diagnosis, another financial crisis, another health scare, etc. This year brought the most challenges into our lives than any other year had so far.
I almost gave up.
There were times I just wanted to run away, back to my parent's home and hide in the closet for all eternity. Not having a desire to deal with the world, not existing in the reality of things. Just breathing.
I almost gave up...my ambition.
I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did last year, never felt as much hurt and pain. To be so incredibly LOW, and have absolutely ZERO desire at all to even get out of bed.
I almost gave up..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
BUT...I didn't.
In a way I believe it's a GOOD thing for not-so-great things to happen to people, in a certain period in their lives. I think some people really NEED a good kick in the pants. To show them just how wonderful and amazing life can be when you take away from the bad and turn those terrible things into something WONDERFUL and SPECIAL.
"When life throws you lemons, make lemonade."
Living with a special needs cat has taught me the ultimate responsibility. Understanding Jubalee (the kitty's) diabetic needs has helped me understand what it's like to care for someone who is very dependent on YOU, and you only. Before Jubalee's diagnosis, I would sleep in until noon, feed the cats whenever, and watch YouTube for hours on end. Now I have a pretty strict schedule, with feedings, testing her glucose, and giving insulin. It's one of the reasons I live for every day. Take it as you will, one person's mountains are another person's grain of sand.
After understanding the reasons WHY I was so sad, and getting diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety, it's helped me to become a more AWARE and CAUTIOUS person. To think before I act, and to always always ALWAYS have a plan B and plan C. Things HAPPEN.
I am not the same person I was 3 years ago, or even 2 years ago. Heck I don't even think I'm the same person I was one year ago. I'm not saying that crap "New year, new me!" stuff. I'm thankful for a new year, a fresh start, but I'm also thankful for what happened the prior year.
It's made me the person I am today, and I feel I've become a more forgiving, and ultimately more realistic way of living type of person....a realist.
I am so thankful I am not in denial anymore. Living in denial is probably one of the most scariest, unhealthy ways to think and live ever.
Do yourself a favor and look around you...live realistically, not in a made up fantasy.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Dear 2015...for me, you SUCKED!
Ah this year is almost done and over with...thank GOODNESS.
I don't think I have ever been more excited about ending such a terrible year than this year, 2015.
I know, I know. For many it was the best year so far in their lives. Engagements, weddings, expecting a baby/babies, graduating high school, college, buying a home, getting PCS orders, and even losing weight. I am beyond thrilled for each and every one of you all who in the year 2015 accomplished so freaking much. Woo to you!
But not everyone was so blessed this year. Some individuals, like myself basically ended up with (I'll say it without swear words) a completely freaking crappy year. A year that challenged their faith, spirit, and overall life itself. A year full of drama and spitefulness.
This year unlike any other started (well in April) with Jubalee Jujubee getting very very sick and being diagnosed with severely progressed diabetes ketoacidosis. She was in the emergency animal hospital for 4 days, where she was hooked up to numerous IV's, multiple tests preformed every 3-4 hours, a handful of ultrasounds, and her overall body completely turned inside out. This crisis really put a damper onto our financial situation, taking out a large chunk of our savings so we could save our kitty. Because she is more than "just a cat." Luckily Jubalee pulled through and to this day, even though she is still living with diabetes, she is happy and healthy. This condition isn't the kindest on a single income wallet...it cost our family around $200-$300/month to care for Jubalee alone. From low carb wet feed to testing strips, she is the most expensive family member!
Another thing happened this year, shortly after the diagnosis of Jubalee.
I have always dealt with a mild amount of anxiety, but I knew I was way above my head when it was getting harder and harder to control my emotions away from the home. Breaking down in a grocery store isn't the best thing to happen, especially when there are eyes everywhere and military wives are the biggest bunch of gossipers. Let's just say I realized it was time to seek help.
I denied it at first. That I was just an ultra sensitive, really immature hermit, who had nothing better to do with her time than curl up on the couch eating packets upon packets of ramen with her phone glued to her hand scrolling and trolling on Facebook. But it was a problem. A HUGE problem. Living the way I was isn't normal. It's NOT okay to let the world pass you by while you're vegging ignoring the bigger picture.
After I was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety (and I am NOT sorry I'm letting people be aware of this, NOR am I proud for telling this to the world...I am NOT embarrassed because I believe these issues shouldn't be masked from people who think they're ALONE living this way!!!!!!!)
.....................................................................
Anyways, so after being diagnosed, I began to see the world in a different light. NO I am NOT saying I found religion, or started a health regimen, began an entrepreneur journey, or became an activist for all things happy. I just realized that I have issues, and I need to fix them.
I won't say this journey has been "easy." There have been lots and lots and lots of times where I've wanted to give up, and go back into my old habits. Which honestly I have, since the initial "ah ha" moment. It's really about the progression YOU make, not how someone else wants you to make, say in a week's time.
I still have a LONG way to go. And there are still days I feel like absolutely shit (whoops, forgot I wasn't going to swear...eh, whatever) and don't want to do anything. BUT, I remembered what Oprah said one time (years ago) that if (you) can accomplish ONE thing per day, consider that a win, no matter how small, YOU did something that will HELP you.
So that's what I've taken to heart. Because let's face it, (me) accomplishing anything "big" at this time in my life is quite an exaggeration, lol. I am in no way physically or mentally ready to accomplish anything more than cleaning out the cat litter box, making sure Jubalee is administered her insulin twice a day, crossing everything off the grocery shopping list when I go grocery shopping, and showering more than once a week. (PLEASE reconsider comparing me to (your) normal day-to-day regular life happenings...we are ALL running at different speeds in life!)
Another realization I had this year was having absolutely no desire to have my own human children, but I'm not going to go too much into that simply because that topic has been beaten like a dead horse both on my blog and on my personal Facebook. I feel that my depression and anxiety have a pretty large roll in what my feelings are towards children, and I think once I began feeling more like myself is when I can determine whether or not I actually want to be a mother to human kids one day. For now it's in no way happening, because I am not physically or mentally capable of conceiving a child in my current state.
Yet again we were away from our loved ones this holiday season, which I absolutely DESPISE. A great sadness comes over me when I see families all happy pappy and laughing and such spending this time of the year all together. I really wanted to see my family this year for Christmas, but circumstances kept us from doing that thanks to the icy mountainous roads, a 2WD vehicle, and expensive air fare for our cats.
I'm just ready to be done and over with this separation from my family. I hate it. It's great for some people, who aren't super tight with their families, and can go years without seeing or hearing from them. I'm just not that kind of person. I cannot wait for the day when I can just call up my family and ask, "Hey wanna have dinner together tonight?" Or them ask me, "Hey on your way home could you stop off at the feed store and pick up some ointment?"
This next year can't pass soon enough.
Just like the title of this blog post, yeah, for ME 2015 really, really sucked, and I am SO happy it's almost over. I know some people don't believe in the whole "new year new me!" thing, but to each their own. There's a reason why an old year ends and a new year begins.
I'm just hoping and praying this new year, 2016 will be bucket loads of awesome better than this year.
2016, you better be good to me, because I'm going to try my hardest to be good to you!!!
I don't think I have ever been more excited about ending such a terrible year than this year, 2015.
I know, I know. For many it was the best year so far in their lives. Engagements, weddings, expecting a baby/babies, graduating high school, college, buying a home, getting PCS orders, and even losing weight. I am beyond thrilled for each and every one of you all who in the year 2015 accomplished so freaking much. Woo to you!
But not everyone was so blessed this year. Some individuals, like myself basically ended up with (I'll say it without swear words) a completely freaking crappy year. A year that challenged their faith, spirit, and overall life itself. A year full of drama and spitefulness.
This year unlike any other started (well in April) with Jubalee Jujubee getting very very sick and being diagnosed with severely progressed diabetes ketoacidosis. She was in the emergency animal hospital for 4 days, where she was hooked up to numerous IV's, multiple tests preformed every 3-4 hours, a handful of ultrasounds, and her overall body completely turned inside out. This crisis really put a damper onto our financial situation, taking out a large chunk of our savings so we could save our kitty. Because she is more than "just a cat." Luckily Jubalee pulled through and to this day, even though she is still living with diabetes, she is happy and healthy. This condition isn't the kindest on a single income wallet...it cost our family around $200-$300/month to care for Jubalee alone. From low carb wet feed to testing strips, she is the most expensive family member!
Another thing happened this year, shortly after the diagnosis of Jubalee.
I have always dealt with a mild amount of anxiety, but I knew I was way above my head when it was getting harder and harder to control my emotions away from the home. Breaking down in a grocery store isn't the best thing to happen, especially when there are eyes everywhere and military wives are the biggest bunch of gossipers. Let's just say I realized it was time to seek help.
I denied it at first. That I was just an ultra sensitive, really immature hermit, who had nothing better to do with her time than curl up on the couch eating packets upon packets of ramen with her phone glued to her hand scrolling and trolling on Facebook. But it was a problem. A HUGE problem. Living the way I was isn't normal. It's NOT okay to let the world pass you by while you're vegging ignoring the bigger picture.
After I was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety (and I am NOT sorry I'm letting people be aware of this, NOR am I proud for telling this to the world...I am NOT embarrassed because I believe these issues shouldn't be masked from people who think they're ALONE living this way!!!!!!!)
.....................................................................
Anyways, so after being diagnosed, I began to see the world in a different light. NO I am NOT saying I found religion, or started a health regimen, began an entrepreneur journey, or became an activist for all things happy. I just realized that I have issues, and I need to fix them.
I won't say this journey has been "easy." There have been lots and lots and lots of times where I've wanted to give up, and go back into my old habits. Which honestly I have, since the initial "ah ha" moment. It's really about the progression YOU make, not how someone else wants you to make, say in a week's time.
I still have a LONG way to go. And there are still days I feel like absolutely shit (whoops, forgot I wasn't going to swear...eh, whatever) and don't want to do anything. BUT, I remembered what Oprah said one time (years ago) that if (you) can accomplish ONE thing per day, consider that a win, no matter how small, YOU did something that will HELP you.
So that's what I've taken to heart. Because let's face it, (me) accomplishing anything "big" at this time in my life is quite an exaggeration, lol. I am in no way physically or mentally ready to accomplish anything more than cleaning out the cat litter box, making sure Jubalee is administered her insulin twice a day, crossing everything off the grocery shopping list when I go grocery shopping, and showering more than once a week. (PLEASE reconsider comparing me to (your) normal day-to-day regular life happenings...we are ALL running at different speeds in life!)
Another realization I had this year was having absolutely no desire to have my own human children, but I'm not going to go too much into that simply because that topic has been beaten like a dead horse both on my blog and on my personal Facebook. I feel that my depression and anxiety have a pretty large roll in what my feelings are towards children, and I think once I began feeling more like myself is when I can determine whether or not I actually want to be a mother to human kids one day. For now it's in no way happening, because I am not physically or mentally capable of conceiving a child in my current state.
Yet again we were away from our loved ones this holiday season, which I absolutely DESPISE. A great sadness comes over me when I see families all happy pappy and laughing and such spending this time of the year all together. I really wanted to see my family this year for Christmas, but circumstances kept us from doing that thanks to the icy mountainous roads, a 2WD vehicle, and expensive air fare for our cats.
I'm just ready to be done and over with this separation from my family. I hate it. It's great for some people, who aren't super tight with their families, and can go years without seeing or hearing from them. I'm just not that kind of person. I cannot wait for the day when I can just call up my family and ask, "Hey wanna have dinner together tonight?" Or them ask me, "Hey on your way home could you stop off at the feed store and pick up some ointment?"
This next year can't pass soon enough.
Just like the title of this blog post, yeah, for ME 2015 really, really sucked, and I am SO happy it's almost over. I know some people don't believe in the whole "new year new me!" thing, but to each their own. There's a reason why an old year ends and a new year begins.
I'm just hoping and praying this new year, 2016 will be bucket loads of awesome better than this year.
2016, you better be good to me, because I'm going to try my hardest to be good to you!!!
Sunday, November 22, 2015
I'm Not Me, and Other Things...
Something has happened.
I'm not me.
I'm not me.
I'm empty.
I was never this way. I used to be a happy, joyful, funny, quirky, interesting, loving, caring, optimistic, energetic, likable, big-hearted, multi-tasking, singing in the shower kind of person.
And now I'm basically all the opposites of those.
As I sat on the couch for the umpteenth thousandth time in our new living room overseas, it became clear to me that I had been repeating this exact same routine for the last 6 months. Wake up at noon, watch YouTube or a movie, eat junk food, and wait for my husband to return home from work. It was those moments, and continuous other ones, when I began to realize I was losing myself. In a foreign country, away from my close family and friends...and feeling so so lonely.
I began to worry. I began to feel hopeless.
I have always had some anxiety. But most of it I could deal with and hide fairly well.
Until now.
I couldn't control my feelings. I couldn't hide what I was feeling, and cried.
 |
| I became a very sad and unhappy person. |
 |
| I missed my home, and being with familiar faces and spaces. |
I can't believe it happened. How did I allow myself to become this way?
Here's the timeline I have jotted down for what I believe were the ingredients to my behavior:
2012:
Here's the timeline I have jotted down for what I believe were the ingredients to my behavior:
2012:
- Getting married (happy)
- Flying overseas to a completely new, yet strange and different foreign country (both exciting and sad...I became heavily homesick)
- Learning to be an adult and do things for myself (difficult and overwhelming...sad)
- Being alone while my husband was at work (sad)
- Trying to get a job with no luck (sad/anger)
- Learning that having a home business in Italy was illegal (sad/anger)
- Our house flooding (sad)
- Spouse drama (sad/anger)
- Getting a new kitten (happy)
- Not being with family for Christmas, first time ever (ultimately sad)
2013:
- A start to the new year (happy)
- A medical scare (scary and sad)
- The feelings of not wanting children (sad)
- The end of a friendship (sad/anger)
- Seeing my family for the first time in over a year (happy)
- Spending time with family and friends (happy)
- Friend drama (anger)
- My husband coming back to see family and friends (happy)
- My husband leaving to go back overseas (sad)
- Myself never wanting to go back overseas (sad)
- Buying a newer car (happy)
- The loss of a pet (ultimately sad)
- Another round of holidays spent without family
2014:
- The thought this would be the last year overseas (happy)
- A medical scare (sad)
- The feelings of not wanting children (sad)
- Friendship drama (sad/anger)
- A car dilemma (frustration)
- A medical scare (sad)
- Leaving overseas (happy/overwhelmed feelings)
- Seeing family I hadn't seen in over a year (happy)
- Celebrating the holidays with family (happy)
- A car accident (sad)
2015:
- New job (happy)
- Going back to school (happy)
- Pet crisis (sad/frustrated/ultimately life changing)
- Quitting job and school to take care of pet (sad)
- Learning to accommodate special need pet's medical care (sad/angry/frustrated)
- Managing special need pet's medical needs (challenging/determined)
- Pet goes into remission (happy/overjoyed)
- Pet goes out of remission (depleted/failed/loss of all desire
Obviously I am not the same person I was 3 years ago. People change. People grow. But people shouldn't grow bitter or backwards. And I believe that's exactly what happened to me. I became ultimately sad.
I really blamed all my problems on being overseas. So many doors were shut while living over there, I honestly thought most if not all those problems would disappear and vanish once I returned back to the states. And for the most part, most of my problems did. But history has a funny way of repeating things. And life has a interesting way of making you realize just how strong a person is. Life sure does love throwing curve balls at people who need a good kick in the pants, and I guess me being miserable overseas just wasn't enough, now dealing with a special needs pet would make life just grand.
I am still not me.
What I absolutely despise people telling to me is that I'm making all this up. That I actually want to feel this way. That I'm lazy.
 |
| I cannot stand when people say this to me. |
So now here I am. I feel lost most days. My anxiety has become a norm in my day-to-day life, and I don't think I've had an anxiety-free day for a really long time. I've always been uptight, but never this uptight.
So over the summer, I decided enough was enough. It was obvious how I was attempting to relieve my anxiety and stress at home was obviously not working what so ever.
I am not exactly comfortable with sharing anymore of my story about my sad feelings or anxiety just yet. I still have a long way to go, and I'm really hoping I can get over this hiccup in my road of life.
Until the, here are some other meme's I came across and thought they were comical yet so true.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Don't Worry be...Grumpy?I I
I was supposed to get this blog post up on Tuesday. Today is Thursday. Way to go, Kadie.
I'm grumpy. I've been feeling this way for a while now. Not all the time, but there's been some recent happenings which have triggered these not-so-happy feelings.
I don't like calling myself mad. Because I'm not. I'm not mad, nor angry.
I'm frustrated, flustered, frazzled...I'm hurt.
Ever since I can remember, I've been an uber sensitive person. Like hardcore to the max, anyone were to say anything to me, or even look at me the wrong way, the wrong time...I'd get hurt. As I grew older I started growing an actual backbone and wasn't "so" sensitive about many things. But regardless, some things still and always will get to me.
There was one time in my life where I couldn't imagine doing anything else. But times have changed, and realistically speaking, things have changed too much.
Too much to the point bridges have been burned, and yesteryear just isn't the wonderful happy memories I remember them being.
It's sad. It's unfortunate. It's confusing.
So here I am, not doing a whole lot with my life. Staying stagnate. I wouldn't consider myself living in the present, more living up in the air. Not really knowing what's going to happen tomorrow, but aware of what happened yesterday.
I don't feel I should go any further into this blog post. It is what it is. I'm grumpy. I'm hurt.
**For those who can't wait for a scandalous rumor about my husband and I, this has NOTHING to do with the two of us. We are still very happily married. This topic is something dealing with me completely, nothing to do with my husband or the two of us together. So please, if you're looking for a juicy gossip topic, Hollywood has plenty of those.
I'm grumpy. I've been feeling this way for a while now. Not all the time, but there's been some recent happenings which have triggered these not-so-happy feelings.
I don't like calling myself mad. Because I'm not. I'm not mad, nor angry.
I'm frustrated, flustered, frazzled...I'm hurt.
Ever since I can remember, I've been an uber sensitive person. Like hardcore to the max, anyone were to say anything to me, or even look at me the wrong way, the wrong time...I'd get hurt. As I grew older I started growing an actual backbone and wasn't "so" sensitive about many things. But regardless, some things still and always will get to me.
There was one time in my life where I couldn't imagine doing anything else. But times have changed, and realistically speaking, things have changed too much.
Too much to the point bridges have been burned, and yesteryear just isn't the wonderful happy memories I remember them being.
It's sad. It's unfortunate. It's confusing.
So here I am, not doing a whole lot with my life. Staying stagnate. I wouldn't consider myself living in the present, more living up in the air. Not really knowing what's going to happen tomorrow, but aware of what happened yesterday.
I don't feel I should go any further into this blog post. It is what it is. I'm grumpy. I'm hurt.
**For those who can't wait for a scandalous rumor about my husband and I, this has NOTHING to do with the two of us. We are still very happily married. This topic is something dealing with me completely, nothing to do with my husband or the two of us together. So please, if you're looking for a juicy gossip topic, Hollywood has plenty of those.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Living with a Special Needs Fur Child and Dealing with Anxiety
I'm not exactly sure where to begin with this post. Do I start from the beginning when I brought Jubalee Jujubee, our rescue kitty home almost 7 years ago? Or do I start from the day Juba was diagnosed with Feline Diabetes Mellitus about a month and a half ago.
Well since the title of this blog post inquires, "Special needs" I'll start there.
Juba was officially diagnosed with Feline Diabetes Mellitus, or Feline DM on Easter of this year, 2015. It came as honestly, a complete and utter shock. I couldn't and wouldn't eat for days. Juba remained in the emergency hospital for 4 days, and after many intensive treatments, doses of insulin, and a $4,000 vet bill later, was deemed well enough to go home-with requirements.
Insulin was the first and most important of those requirements. She needed a shot once every 12 hours. Along with the shot Juba also needed close and careful monitoring. By that I mean making sure she didn't crash and ultimately go into what's called "Hypoglycemia" or extreme low blood sugar. So in order to combat the risk of that happening my husband and I decided to purchase a glucometer and "home test" Jubalee ourselves instead of running to the vet's every day and spending more $$.
Realistically speaking that first week after Juba's diagnosis was not the best for me. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally spent. My body went into this "survival mode" and my anxiety was a 24/7 constant fight. I felt like I was a zombie most days, tossing and turning while I "tried" to sleep, making sure Juba's feeding tube stayed in for the first few days of in home care, while testing her blood glucose for fear her numbers would either climb or drop significantly. I have compared all of this similar to caring for a brand new infant, and fortunately, many of my momma friends have told me they believe taking care of a diabetic kitty would be much more challenging. That does make me feel better, and makes me believe I'm not just imagining all this hard work as "easy peasy" to a few folks.
When I get really anxious, or scared, I just quit eating. During all this craziness with Juba I stopped eating for going on 3 days. I got severe headaches, moderate dizziness, and was irritable. I snapped at my husband and was impatient with my parents while they were visiting us during this madness (a planned vacation that was scheduled weeks before.) My husband and parents really had to force me to eat something, and even taking a bite was challenging. Eventually as Juba started to improve, slowly but surely, my anxiety lessened and I started nibbling on food again.
What also spiked my anxiety was every morning, after Juba's morning blood glucose test (to determine her numbers and to find out if she was high enough for insulin) was actually giving her insulin to her. My husband was such a big help in holding her, and just being there for moral support. When he had to return to work, and I had to pull my big girl pants and administer Juba's insulin to her myself, that is where my anxiety really kicked in. I want to make something clear however. I did NOT have fear poking Juba with a needle. I did NOT have fear accidentally poking myself with a needle. I DID however fear giving her what is called a "fur shot" and the insulin not actually going into her body under her skin. Because during the time she was on insulin, it was crucial for her to receive that medication in order for her body to work right and not potentially shut down.
It's been a little over 2 weeks since Juba has been off insulin. And while recently we had a scare when her numbers rose, after seeing the Vet, and getting better numbers today, I am beginning to feel like myself again since the past 3 days have taken a toll on my soul. I don't like saying we have a "Special Needs Pet" in a negative way. Yes, Juba will always be a special needs pet, but the only special needs requirement of her is she can only consume a low carb high protein diet. So when you think about it, Juba needs to consume a "healthy" diet in order for her to keep her diabetes under control and in remission.
I've had individuals ask me what it's like living with a diabetic cat. And honestly, it's really hard for me to answer that. I never stop worrying. There is always a trigger in the back of my head that goes off every day asking myself, "Is Juba eating? Is she using the litter box? How much water has she drank? What was her last BG number? Where is she? Why is she hiding? What time is it?" And so many more questions that run through my head. Yes I worry too much, but is it better to worry too much than to not worry enough?
Someone, a parent, once told me some advice.
"You will never stop thinking, never stop worrying. No matter how wonderful and happy your life is at that very moment. There will always be hard times regardless of how fulfilling and self worthy you create your life to be. But that is what life is about. It's not supposed to be sunshine and rainbows 24.7. There are supposed to be dark moments, to make us treasure the happy ones."
Well since the title of this blog post inquires, "Special needs" I'll start there.
Juba was officially diagnosed with Feline Diabetes Mellitus, or Feline DM on Easter of this year, 2015. It came as honestly, a complete and utter shock. I couldn't and wouldn't eat for days. Juba remained in the emergency hospital for 4 days, and after many intensive treatments, doses of insulin, and a $4,000 vet bill later, was deemed well enough to go home-with requirements.
Insulin was the first and most important of those requirements. She needed a shot once every 12 hours. Along with the shot Juba also needed close and careful monitoring. By that I mean making sure she didn't crash and ultimately go into what's called "Hypoglycemia" or extreme low blood sugar. So in order to combat the risk of that happening my husband and I decided to purchase a glucometer and "home test" Jubalee ourselves instead of running to the vet's every day and spending more $$.
Realistically speaking that first week after Juba's diagnosis was not the best for me. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally spent. My body went into this "survival mode" and my anxiety was a 24/7 constant fight. I felt like I was a zombie most days, tossing and turning while I "tried" to sleep, making sure Juba's feeding tube stayed in for the first few days of in home care, while testing her blood glucose for fear her numbers would either climb or drop significantly. I have compared all of this similar to caring for a brand new infant, and fortunately, many of my momma friends have told me they believe taking care of a diabetic kitty would be much more challenging. That does make me feel better, and makes me believe I'm not just imagining all this hard work as "easy peasy" to a few folks.
When I get really anxious, or scared, I just quit eating. During all this craziness with Juba I stopped eating for going on 3 days. I got severe headaches, moderate dizziness, and was irritable. I snapped at my husband and was impatient with my parents while they were visiting us during this madness (a planned vacation that was scheduled weeks before.) My husband and parents really had to force me to eat something, and even taking a bite was challenging. Eventually as Juba started to improve, slowly but surely, my anxiety lessened and I started nibbling on food again.
What also spiked my anxiety was every morning, after Juba's morning blood glucose test (to determine her numbers and to find out if she was high enough for insulin) was actually giving her insulin to her. My husband was such a big help in holding her, and just being there for moral support. When he had to return to work, and I had to pull my big girl pants and administer Juba's insulin to her myself, that is where my anxiety really kicked in. I want to make something clear however. I did NOT have fear poking Juba with a needle. I did NOT have fear accidentally poking myself with a needle. I DID however fear giving her what is called a "fur shot" and the insulin not actually going into her body under her skin. Because during the time she was on insulin, it was crucial for her to receive that medication in order for her body to work right and not potentially shut down.
It's been a little over 2 weeks since Juba has been off insulin. And while recently we had a scare when her numbers rose, after seeing the Vet, and getting better numbers today, I am beginning to feel like myself again since the past 3 days have taken a toll on my soul. I don't like saying we have a "Special Needs Pet" in a negative way. Yes, Juba will always be a special needs pet, but the only special needs requirement of her is she can only consume a low carb high protein diet. So when you think about it, Juba needs to consume a "healthy" diet in order for her to keep her diabetes under control and in remission.
I've had individuals ask me what it's like living with a diabetic cat. And honestly, it's really hard for me to answer that. I never stop worrying. There is always a trigger in the back of my head that goes off every day asking myself, "Is Juba eating? Is she using the litter box? How much water has she drank? What was her last BG number? Where is she? Why is she hiding? What time is it?" And so many more questions that run through my head. Yes I worry too much, but is it better to worry too much than to not worry enough?
Someone, a parent, once told me some advice.
"You will never stop thinking, never stop worrying. No matter how wonderful and happy your life is at that very moment. There will always be hard times regardless of how fulfilling and self worthy you create your life to be. But that is what life is about. It's not supposed to be sunshine and rainbows 24.7. There are supposed to be dark moments, to make us treasure the happy ones."
Thursday, April 16, 2015
What I've Learned in THREE Years of Marriage
Wow. I cannot believe my husband and I have been marital bliss for three whole years as of Tuesday. Crazy to think where the time has gone, and to look back on so many things that have took place in our lives.
Let's take a stroll down memory lane...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
We were "officially" hitched! I use the word officially with quotations because we were actually married legally the prior September. We don't "officially" count that as our wedding date, but it is technically our legal marriage date.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Not even a week of being newly married and we were off to live in a foreign country. You could say that was our "honeymoon" lol.
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Quite a few folks told us that your first year of marriage is your hardest, and after that it's all down hill from there. Hmmm, that's actually ironic because the marriage aspect honestly wasn't all that difficult, it was the living so far from our families that really took its toll on both of us.
In the first year of marriage, I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, hand wash dishes (thanks to no dishwasher,) learn to be very independent (my husband would work for sometimes 12 hours a day,) learn how to drive a manual vehicle, and...oh, learn how to cope with not seeing my family for an entire year. So in all honesty, I'd have to give myself huge kudos for a brand new married wife, who set out with her brand new husband to live in a foreign country, and not have "mommy and daddy" nearby for help.
In the second year of marriage, STILL living overseas, it was definitely easier coping without having our parental figures just an easy drive away. I gradually got used to being alone for hours on end, adding up the time change as to when I could call my mom, figuring out it took exactly 8 hours to complete (1) load of laundry from start to finish (thanks European washer and dryer!) and detect when a massive thunderstorm was bound to happen. My skin hardened, I became less fragile, and honestly much more bitter as I waited my time out in Europe. I hated cooking, cleaning, and above all, I missed my family.
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But this post wasn't to dwell on the past. Sure, maybe our first few years of marriage weren't sunshine and rainbows. We had each other. We confided into each other. If we ever had quarrels, we worked them out together. Because "mommy and daddy" weren't just a phone call away all the time. And obviously they weren't a car ride away. So staying mad at one another just wasn't an option. We were basically all each other had, plus our kitties.
I think one of the biggest things I learned about myself while "living abroad" was I really, really don't like being alone for long periods of time. And by long periods I mean days. I can go for a day or so being by myself, without any human interaction. But after that and I start going crazy.
So what exactly have I learned in three years of marriage?
Let's take a stroll down memory lane...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
We were "officially" hitched! I use the word officially with quotations because we were actually married legally the prior September. We don't "officially" count that as our wedding date, but it is technically our legal marriage date.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Not even a week of being newly married and we were off to live in a foreign country. You could say that was our "honeymoon" lol.
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Quite a few folks told us that your first year of marriage is your hardest, and after that it's all down hill from there. Hmmm, that's actually ironic because the marriage aspect honestly wasn't all that difficult, it was the living so far from our families that really took its toll on both of us.
In the first year of marriage, I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, hand wash dishes (thanks to no dishwasher,) learn to be very independent (my husband would work for sometimes 12 hours a day,) learn how to drive a manual vehicle, and...oh, learn how to cope with not seeing my family for an entire year. So in all honesty, I'd have to give myself huge kudos for a brand new married wife, who set out with her brand new husband to live in a foreign country, and not have "mommy and daddy" nearby for help.
In the second year of marriage, STILL living overseas, it was definitely easier coping without having our parental figures just an easy drive away. I gradually got used to being alone for hours on end, adding up the time change as to when I could call my mom, figuring out it took exactly 8 hours to complete (1) load of laundry from start to finish (thanks European washer and dryer!) and detect when a massive thunderstorm was bound to happen. My skin hardened, I became less fragile, and honestly much more bitter as I waited my time out in Europe. I hated cooking, cleaning, and above all, I missed my family.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But this post wasn't to dwell on the past. Sure, maybe our first few years of marriage weren't sunshine and rainbows. We had each other. We confided into each other. If we ever had quarrels, we worked them out together. Because "mommy and daddy" weren't just a phone call away all the time. And obviously they weren't a car ride away. So staying mad at one another just wasn't an option. We were basically all each other had, plus our kitties.
I think one of the biggest things I learned about myself while "living abroad" was I really, really don't like being alone for long periods of time. And by long periods I mean days. I can go for a day or so being by myself, without any human interaction. But after that and I start going crazy.
So what exactly have I learned in three years of marriage?
- A happy wife=a happy life, lol
- A clean kitchen=a happy husband
- At least making something somewhat edible=a happy husband
- Learning to deal with your anxiety and not showing you're stressed, makes your partner less stressed
- Having a bedtime routine
- Taking turns feeding/caring for your pets
- Apologizing for even the smallest things that may have hurt your partner's feelings
- Having dinner together, sitting together=a more enjoyable dinner time
- Putting your clothes in the laundry hamper and not beside it
- Sending texts throughout the day asking how each other is doing
- Calling when at the grocery store to ask if they need anything else
These are what's came to mind right now. And yes, the more years I've been married, the easier it's gotten. Especially since my husband and I have gone through quite the large amount of ups and downs...not particularly between us, but the things around us.
I feel since our lives have changed dramatically over the past week, with our kitty's diagnosis, and really taking time out for her, it has brought us closer as a couple.
I've heard people say when certain situations go wrong, it either tears a couple apart, or brings them closer together.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
When Do You Know You're Ready?
Yesterday was April Fool's and I didn't prank one person. Dang it!
I've been thinking a ton lately about what to call my next blog post. In the near future I'm also going to blog about being married for three years, and why married life has changed me for the better. But that's for another soon to come blog post.
This one merely asks the question, "When do you know you're ready?"
Ready for what you ask? Well for anything. In my case specifically, when do you know you're ready to start a family. A human family because some people don't consider a family with just fur children a real family. I do, but let's not start a heated debate about that today.
According to the Duggar Family from the hit TV family reality show, "19 Kids and Counting" you know when you're ready to have a child when you join in matrimony with your significant other. After the holy marital union, a baby is just the cherry on top of your happiness and sharing your lives together for eternity.
Come on now.
There is this thing though. Or maybe it's things. I've had some rather concerned folks question me, asking if the reason my husband and I haven't jumped on the baby train yet is because we're not completely sure about each other. Let me tell you something. I knew my husband was THE ONE I was going to marry just ONE MONTH after dating him. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And to this day, nearly FIVE years after being together with him I still feel that way, butterflies and all.
I think having kids is like learning to ride a bike. So many women including my own mother have told me, "It will just click one day." But when? When does it click? When I'm financially stable? When I earn my degree? When my husband and I purchase our first home? When we pay off our car? When I can no longer freak out about under cooking meat? When I can finally play "Destination" by Nickel Creek without having to look up the lyrics? When. I want to know.
I think that's what I'm so confused about. When people tell me, "You'll know when you know." But what if I don't? What if I over think this just like how I'm over thinking this blog post?
What if I keep asking myself if I'm ready, if my husband and I are ready to take on this huge ginormous step in our lives and I take a step back to look at the entire picture and freak out. And say I'm still not ready.
I struggle, no I sputter and drown thinking about if and when I'll be ready, if I ever will be ready. I'm scared I'll never be ready. I'm scared I won't ever be ready and then it will be too late.
So when did YOU know you were ready for a human child? Did it just click one day? Did it click when you saw a little pink plus sign on a test? Or see a picture of the child you could possibly adopt and make yours forever?
How did you know?
I've been thinking a ton lately about what to call my next blog post. In the near future I'm also going to blog about being married for three years, and why married life has changed me for the better. But that's for another soon to come blog post.
This one merely asks the question, "When do you know you're ready?"
Ready for what you ask? Well for anything. In my case specifically, when do you know you're ready to start a family. A human family because some people don't consider a family with just fur children a real family. I do, but let's not start a heated debate about that today.
According to the Duggar Family from the hit TV family reality show, "19 Kids and Counting" you know when you're ready to have a child when you join in matrimony with your significant other. After the holy marital union, a baby is just the cherry on top of your happiness and sharing your lives together for eternity.
Come on now.
There is this thing though. Or maybe it's things. I've had some rather concerned folks question me, asking if the reason my husband and I haven't jumped on the baby train yet is because we're not completely sure about each other. Let me tell you something. I knew my husband was THE ONE I was going to marry just ONE MONTH after dating him. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And to this day, nearly FIVE years after being together with him I still feel that way, butterflies and all.
I think having kids is like learning to ride a bike. So many women including my own mother have told me, "It will just click one day." But when? When does it click? When I'm financially stable? When I earn my degree? When my husband and I purchase our first home? When we pay off our car? When I can no longer freak out about under cooking meat? When I can finally play "Destination" by Nickel Creek without having to look up the lyrics? When. I want to know.
I think that's what I'm so confused about. When people tell me, "You'll know when you know." But what if I don't? What if I over think this just like how I'm over thinking this blog post?
What if I keep asking myself if I'm ready, if my husband and I are ready to take on this huge ginormous step in our lives and I take a step back to look at the entire picture and freak out. And say I'm still not ready.
I struggle, no I sputter and drown thinking about if and when I'll be ready, if I ever will be ready. I'm scared I'll never be ready. I'm scared I won't ever be ready and then it will be too late.
So when did YOU know you were ready for a human child? Did it just click one day? Did it click when you saw a little pink plus sign on a test? Or see a picture of the child you could possibly adopt and make yours forever?
How did you know?
Monday, March 9, 2015
Wanna Know More About Me?
Today I'm feeling tinkery. Is that even a word? Today I want to tell the world (well the 2 or 3 people out there in internet land...or via my Facebook page I shared this blog post on) more about myself.
No I'm not going to go into detail about personal things about me. Think of this as like the "25 random facts about me" post that was popular about 8 years ago on social media.
So here goes nothing:
Some random facts about me:
1.) I have never been to Canada and I live in the upper left of the US.
2.) I got married to someone I didn't know even a year...and am still married!
3.) I have never broken a bone in my body.
4.) I shiver at the thought of balloons popping.
5.) Cats have become a huge part of my inner secret crazy personal lifestyle.
6.) I have been cooking for my husband and I for a little over 3 years and I still can't cook any type of meat without over-cooking it to make sure it's 100% done.
7.) Green has been my favorite color since I was 4 years old.
8.) I struggle with mild anxiety and lack self confidence.
9.) I have dealt with number 8 my entire life.
10.) Spring used to be my absolute unfavorite season. Now it's my absolute favorite.
11.) I still don't understand the point of Groundhog's Day.
12.) My left hand finger nails grow faster than my right hand finger nails.
13.) I lived in Italy for almost 3 years and absolutely disliked it.
14.) I still don't want to ever go back to Italy ever again in my life.
15.) Not even if it was a paid vacation.
16.) Goats remind me of dogs with hooves. No joke.
17.) I have always, always, always thought out of the box with anything I set my mind to. I like to be different and tweaking normal things into something that is mine. I don't like replicating stuff.
18.) I am a major homebody and would be completely content being at home and never traveling the world.
19.) I can't watch medical tv shows or movies. Grey's Anatomy and House freak me out.
20.) I only wash my hair maybe twice a week.
21.) I can't stand the taste of vodka.
22.) I have a really strong and strange photogenic memory.
23.) I think about the world coming to an end no more than 2 times/day.
24.) When I was 9 I had a fear of swallowing food. I thought I was going to choke.
25.) The smell of cooked peas makes me gag.
26.) When I get really nervous my face turns bright red and I sweat profusely.
27.) I don't take any form of medications other than contraceptives.
28.) And my contraceptives aren't for that reason. I lack a small amount of hormones.
29.) If I see someone crying, then I will start crying.
30.) I can be socially retarded at times.
31.) I self tan 1-2 times a week. I have very, very fair porcelain skin that makes me look sickly. I have to get color!
32.) I really don't like cooking. I would rather do the dishes or laundry lol.
33.) I can make friends somewhat easily but can't keep in touch with most of them.
34.) I'm a self loner but hate being alone in a house for days on end.
35.) Someday I'd like to live in Canada.
36.) Bees are one of my greatest fears. Ironically my dad is a beekeeper.
37.) I let my mind wander off too often.
38.) I often find myself regretting small things that won't matter in 2 weeks.
39.) I can't drink coffee or I will literally bounce off the walls.
40.) I am tone deaf.
41.) My mood can go from one extreme to the other quite quickly.
42.) No I don't have bi polar.
43.) I could never own a dog. I love dogs but they require too much dependency for my lifestyle.
44.) I may never have children.
45.) I can't multitask. My mind doesn't work like that.
46.) I could eat sushi all day err day.
47.) I can read a magazine for hours.
48.) I am NOT a morning person.
49.) I sometimes wish social media never existed. Though I'm completely dependent on it.
50.) I honestly have no idea how my husband puts up with me most days.
And that's it for now. Not too personal, but enough to get a perspective about me. I'm really not all that weird but a bit off from normal civilization!
No I'm not going to go into detail about personal things about me. Think of this as like the "25 random facts about me" post that was popular about 8 years ago on social media.
So here goes nothing:
Some random facts about me:
1.) I have never been to Canada and I live in the upper left of the US.
2.) I got married to someone I didn't know even a year...and am still married!
3.) I have never broken a bone in my body.
4.) I shiver at the thought of balloons popping.
5.) Cats have become a huge part of my inner secret crazy personal lifestyle.
6.) I have been cooking for my husband and I for a little over 3 years and I still can't cook any type of meat without over-cooking it to make sure it's 100% done.
7.) Green has been my favorite color since I was 4 years old.
8.) I struggle with mild anxiety and lack self confidence.
9.) I have dealt with number 8 my entire life.
10.) Spring used to be my absolute unfavorite season. Now it's my absolute favorite.
11.) I still don't understand the point of Groundhog's Day.
12.) My left hand finger nails grow faster than my right hand finger nails.
13.) I lived in Italy for almost 3 years and absolutely disliked it.
14.) I still don't want to ever go back to Italy ever again in my life.
15.) Not even if it was a paid vacation.
16.) Goats remind me of dogs with hooves. No joke.
17.) I have always, always, always thought out of the box with anything I set my mind to. I like to be different and tweaking normal things into something that is mine. I don't like replicating stuff.
18.) I am a major homebody and would be completely content being at home and never traveling the world.
19.) I can't watch medical tv shows or movies. Grey's Anatomy and House freak me out.
20.) I only wash my hair maybe twice a week.
21.) I can't stand the taste of vodka.
22.) I have a really strong and strange photogenic memory.
23.) I think about the world coming to an end no more than 2 times/day.
24.) When I was 9 I had a fear of swallowing food. I thought I was going to choke.
25.) The smell of cooked peas makes me gag.
26.) When I get really nervous my face turns bright red and I sweat profusely.
27.) I don't take any form of medications other than contraceptives.
28.) And my contraceptives aren't for that reason. I lack a small amount of hormones.
29.) If I see someone crying, then I will start crying.
30.) I can be socially retarded at times.
31.) I self tan 1-2 times a week. I have very, very fair porcelain skin that makes me look sickly. I have to get color!
32.) I really don't like cooking. I would rather do the dishes or laundry lol.
33.) I can make friends somewhat easily but can't keep in touch with most of them.
34.) I'm a self loner but hate being alone in a house for days on end.
35.) Someday I'd like to live in Canada.
36.) Bees are one of my greatest fears. Ironically my dad is a beekeeper.
37.) I let my mind wander off too often.
38.) I often find myself regretting small things that won't matter in 2 weeks.
39.) I can't drink coffee or I will literally bounce off the walls.
40.) I am tone deaf.
41.) My mood can go from one extreme to the other quite quickly.
42.) No I don't have bi polar.
43.) I could never own a dog. I love dogs but they require too much dependency for my lifestyle.
44.) I may never have children.
45.) I can't multitask. My mind doesn't work like that.
46.) I could eat sushi all day err day.
47.) I can read a magazine for hours.
48.) I am NOT a morning person.
49.) I sometimes wish social media never existed. Though I'm completely dependent on it.
50.) I honestly have no idea how my husband puts up with me most days.
And that's it for now. Not too personal, but enough to get a perspective about me. I'm really not all that weird but a bit off from normal civilization!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
You Can't Always Get What You Want!
Today is "TBT" aka "Throw Back Thursday." And I didn't post a past picture of something from my childhood, or that happened yesterday to me. Well darn it all to heck.
But another thing came to my mind. Since I'm going to be going back home to visit family and friends in the near future. Something that has sparked a bit of nostalgia and reasoning.
Let's start from the beginning.
I grew up in a pretty close knit family. Even though all my relatives lived about 3 hours or so away from my immediate family (aka parents and sister) I still bonded with most of them...you know, hugs, kisses, storytelling, etc. The normal kind of relationships most children have with their relatives. It wasn't until I was married and then moved overseas that I didn't realize how much I took seeing my family for granted. I became severely depressed, riddled with homesickness and guilt for not doing more things with my family before I went on this maiden voyage.
And this is where my point (and title to this blog) jumps in:
During that time I was living overseas with my military husband, I wasn't able to fly back home for a whole year. Most military families actually don't see their parents, etc. for longer than that. I don't know how some families conquer that separation, but (and I will be saying this many times during this blog post) "That's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc."
Now we're living stateside. SO. MUCH. BETTER. Even though our families are still a quarter of a day's drive apart, I would so rather take that on than a 2 day plane ride and spending the night at a hotel. I have needs, lol.
But this is where I'm getting at. The Rolling Stones couldn't have said it better. You CAN'T always get what you want. And that includes living close to your family no matter how hard you try to obtain a job within an hour's drive. My husband desperately tried applying for a position which was a little over 2 hours from both our families and unfortunately there were no open positions available during his time of application. We were bummed but we are making this place we're at now work. Because that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc.
And it's not like either of us can't stand our families, because we both are extremely close to them. My mom and I talk at least 3 times a week for sometimes 4 hours per call. I am very, very close with my parents and sister and always have been. And even though there is a gap in distance between their homes and ours, our bonds have only gotten stronger.
I think it's GOOD to have a distance between you and your loved ones sometimes. Not like the distance both my husband/I and our families had while we were overseas (that was WAY too much!) but the distance we have now is decent. Of course we would love to live closer. Of course it would be awesome to live right down the street from them but that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc. You can't always get what you want!!
So I leave you all (the one or two) who are actually reading this blog post with this:
If you are teetering on the fence between continually living close to family or making your dream career come true...make sure YOU are happy with what you choose. Living by family is great and we would love to have lived closer but my husband and I are happily living a little farther apart and creating potential future goals because my husband received this job offer and took it. It's HEALTHY to have some separation between yourself and family if it means you can flourish and create some roots for YOUR career or job.
Because that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc.
You can't always get what you want!
But another thing came to my mind. Since I'm going to be going back home to visit family and friends in the near future. Something that has sparked a bit of nostalgia and reasoning.
Let's start from the beginning.
I grew up in a pretty close knit family. Even though all my relatives lived about 3 hours or so away from my immediate family (aka parents and sister) I still bonded with most of them...you know, hugs, kisses, storytelling, etc. The normal kind of relationships most children have with their relatives. It wasn't until I was married and then moved overseas that I didn't realize how much I took seeing my family for granted. I became severely depressed, riddled with homesickness and guilt for not doing more things with my family before I went on this maiden voyage.
And this is where my point (and title to this blog) jumps in:
During that time I was living overseas with my military husband, I wasn't able to fly back home for a whole year. Most military families actually don't see their parents, etc. for longer than that. I don't know how some families conquer that separation, but (and I will be saying this many times during this blog post) "That's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc."
Now we're living stateside. SO. MUCH. BETTER. Even though our families are still a quarter of a day's drive apart, I would so rather take that on than a 2 day plane ride and spending the night at a hotel. I have needs, lol.
But this is where I'm getting at. The Rolling Stones couldn't have said it better. You CAN'T always get what you want. And that includes living close to your family no matter how hard you try to obtain a job within an hour's drive. My husband desperately tried applying for a position which was a little over 2 hours from both our families and unfortunately there were no open positions available during his time of application. We were bummed but we are making this place we're at now work. Because that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc.
And it's not like either of us can't stand our families, because we both are extremely close to them. My mom and I talk at least 3 times a week for sometimes 4 hours per call. I am very, very close with my parents and sister and always have been. And even though there is a gap in distance between their homes and ours, our bonds have only gotten stronger.
I think it's GOOD to have a distance between you and your loved ones sometimes. Not like the distance both my husband/I and our families had while we were overseas (that was WAY too much!) but the distance we have now is decent. Of course we would love to live closer. Of course it would be awesome to live right down the street from them but that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc. You can't always get what you want!!
So I leave you all (the one or two) who are actually reading this blog post with this:
If you are teetering on the fence between continually living close to family or making your dream career come true...make sure YOU are happy with what you choose. Living by family is great and we would love to have lived closer but my husband and I are happily living a little farther apart and creating potential future goals because my husband received this job offer and took it. It's HEALTHY to have some separation between yourself and family if it means you can flourish and create some roots for YOUR career or job.
Because that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc.
You can't always get what you want!
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Too Anxious to Reproduce?
Those who know me personally know I struggle with anxiety and over-thinking basically everything.
Those that don't know think I'm a stuck up b**** who is crazy spoiled because I'm a military wife. Which is completely and 100% false. Yeah I'm a military wife, but the weekly manicures, plethora amount of Coach purses, and bragging about my husband's rank are 3 things which do not have my name written anywhere on them. I'm a "from the sticks," keep-my-nails-short-because-I-play-musical-instruments, bought my ONE Coach mini purse half off, support but don't brag about my husband" kinda gal.
AND I'M COMPLETELY GETTING OFF TOPIC!
So back to the beginning of this post. Anxiety. Anxiety and I basically go hand in hand. I worry pretty much 23 out of the 24 hours of the day...yep, my dreams consist of worrying about whatever too. I can tell when an anxiety attack is coming on. I'll get chills, my heart will start pounding, and my brain will wander off into the worry zone in my cranium which basically fills 8/10ths of my head cavity. I am a glorified Worry Wart.
So you're prolly wondering, "Ok, so what does the word 'reproduce' in the title have anything to do with this post?"
Through the last 3 years of being married I have been a witness to an amazing amount of my friends both close and acquaintances who have taken the leap and started a family of human children. My heart has been filled with joy being there through many of the precious milestones starting with the baby bump all the way to their child's first tooth. When people say this is one of happiest times in their lives, I completely and absolutely believe it. When these parents tell me these are some of the most stressful and sleepless times in their lives, yeah I believe that too.
So what point am I trying to make here? I'm not trying to get a point across actually. My mind is almost split down in half with this whole baby mania thing that is getting harder and harder to avoid as I grow older and the years of being married grow a number every year as well. As I'm constantly and continuously asked (politely and curiously most cases) why I'm at this age already and don't have a bun in the oven, a kid slung on my hip, or one toddling by my side, all I can really do now is chuckle. And not in a nasty spiteful way. It's because I've been asked this more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. After being married for 6 whole months, a few friends gently poked and prodded when the pitter patter of Baby Frazier would be heard. Three years ago I would make a joke like, "Well we haven't even been married a year yet, so let's just wait until that mile marker hits ok?"
Then the year marker passed and more and more friends began poking and prodding asking when we were going to make the big announcement. And again I told them we were planning for our future, and being overseas away from our families wasn't ideal for both of us who are both super family oriented people. So I told them give it another year and then come back and ask.
Then the 2 year marker came and passed and I then started to get the concerning question if either me or my husband were infertile. That's when the poking and prodding really started to get to me. We were still living overseas and though I repeatedly told people we wanted our families near for this special time in our lives, many told us starting a family shouldn't matter to your families, it should matter to you. How did I respond to this? Deleted them off my social media and averted my direction when seeing them in public. Ain't nobody got time for dat.
So now here it is present day. We've been married close to 3 years (almost 4 legally.) And babies still aren't considered on the "To-Do" list. Do we want kids? Yes...and maybe no. Just like when we were married 6 months back in Italy, human children were still up in the air, and a "We'll get to that later" type of attitude. Later doesn't have a date for us. But also we're not the "If it happens, it happens!" type of couple either. My anxiety won't let me consider that type of mindset. The type that is carefree, worry free, and let life take you by the hand. I have never lived that way and am waaay too uptight and self controlling.
A part of me wishes I would let go of these anxious fears. I have been asked, "What are you so afraid about?" To be honest, I think all of it. The whole having a baby thing from A to Z. From start to finish (is there really ever an actual finish? More like infinity.)
I'm anxious to carry a child inside me.
I'm anxious to give birth.
I'm anxious to feed a child.
I'm anxious I won't understand when a child is sick.
I'm anxious about when a child sleeps.
I'm anxious about illnesses a child can acquire.
I'm anxious I won't have maternal instincts.
I'm anxious I will get so stressed out I will run away.
I'm anxious if I run away this child will resent me forever.
I'm anxious if I run away my husband will resent me forever.
After nearly 3 years of happily married to my one and only, I am still not ready to bring a human life into this world. Yep, I still can't wrap my head around the thought of myself reproducing.
And this has NOTHING to do with my husband. Because I knew from the start he would make an amazing father. That was one of the many, many things I was utterly and completely attracted to when I knew 1 month after dating him that he was the one. My husband is one of the most caring and take charge type of men I know. I know I sound boastful because I bet so many other women say that about their significant others but I mean everything I said. He would be there through thick and thin.
So I have to ask myself, "What the heck is wrong with me?"
I know my friends and family have said, "Oh you'll know when you know," and "You are still so young!" and "There's always adoption."
It's not just the "having a baby" thing I'm anxious about. It's actually raising a child too. Because of how I act and react as an adult, I'm just not so sure if taking care of another human life would be a wise decision for myself. I'm uber selfish, and (and this is going to sound strange) I am completely and hopelessly obsessed with our cats. Like an addiction. Not unhealthy, but not your typical "I love my cat" kind of thing. I treat our cats like they're our kids. But cats are SO EASY.
I tell people, "If you have a dog you somewhat like human kids because dogs are like human children in a way." "True anti kid people have cats. Or no pets at all, lol."
Stereotypical as that sounds, dogs are very much like a furry human child. They NEED your attention. They NEED to played with. They WANT to be next to you. Dogs are very awesome, but I honestly couldn't handle a dog if I owned one. So what does that tell you about me?
Bitter as this blog post sounds, I'm glad I finally got this off my chest. The ACTUAL reasons why human children still aren't on my "To do" list. I'm officially in my late twenties, I can hear my biological ticking in the background and I'm continuously ignoring the sound by watching my mass amount of YouTube videos. Luckily since we've traveled back to the Mother Land there have been so many more distractions I have been able to participate in like a job and school. Those help keep my mind on track for what I still want to accomplish in this lifespan.
So here's where I end my blog post. Still not a baby maker, nor a newlywed anymore...somewhere in between. And as rumors may stir and questions become more prevalent, I am starting to take on everything more with a grain of sand. If kids don't ever enter my life I'm ok with that. In a way it's sad, but in another way I absolutely HAVE to be ready for a kid to enter our lives. I know it's BOTH my husband and my choice, so this choice has to be mutual.
Cheers, Kadie
Those that don't know think I'm a stuck up b**** who is crazy spoiled because I'm a military wife. Which is completely and 100% false. Yeah I'm a military wife, but the weekly manicures, plethora amount of Coach purses, and bragging about my husband's rank are 3 things which do not have my name written anywhere on them. I'm a "from the sticks," keep-my-nails-short-because-I-play-musical-instruments, bought my ONE Coach mini purse half off, support but don't brag about my husband" kinda gal.
AND I'M COMPLETELY GETTING OFF TOPIC!
So back to the beginning of this post. Anxiety. Anxiety and I basically go hand in hand. I worry pretty much 23 out of the 24 hours of the day...yep, my dreams consist of worrying about whatever too. I can tell when an anxiety attack is coming on. I'll get chills, my heart will start pounding, and my brain will wander off into the worry zone in my cranium which basically fills 8/10ths of my head cavity. I am a glorified Worry Wart.
So you're prolly wondering, "Ok, so what does the word 'reproduce' in the title have anything to do with this post?"
Through the last 3 years of being married I have been a witness to an amazing amount of my friends both close and acquaintances who have taken the leap and started a family of human children. My heart has been filled with joy being there through many of the precious milestones starting with the baby bump all the way to their child's first tooth. When people say this is one of happiest times in their lives, I completely and absolutely believe it. When these parents tell me these are some of the most stressful and sleepless times in their lives, yeah I believe that too.
So what point am I trying to make here? I'm not trying to get a point across actually. My mind is almost split down in half with this whole baby mania thing that is getting harder and harder to avoid as I grow older and the years of being married grow a number every year as well. As I'm constantly and continuously asked (politely and curiously most cases) why I'm at this age already and don't have a bun in the oven, a kid slung on my hip, or one toddling by my side, all I can really do now is chuckle. And not in a nasty spiteful way. It's because I've been asked this more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. After being married for 6 whole months, a few friends gently poked and prodded when the pitter patter of Baby Frazier would be heard. Three years ago I would make a joke like, "Well we haven't even been married a year yet, so let's just wait until that mile marker hits ok?"
Then the year marker passed and more and more friends began poking and prodding asking when we were going to make the big announcement. And again I told them we were planning for our future, and being overseas away from our families wasn't ideal for both of us who are both super family oriented people. So I told them give it another year and then come back and ask.
Then the 2 year marker came and passed and I then started to get the concerning question if either me or my husband were infertile. That's when the poking and prodding really started to get to me. We were still living overseas and though I repeatedly told people we wanted our families near for this special time in our lives, many told us starting a family shouldn't matter to your families, it should matter to you. How did I respond to this? Deleted them off my social media and averted my direction when seeing them in public. Ain't nobody got time for dat.
So now here it is present day. We've been married close to 3 years (almost 4 legally.) And babies still aren't considered on the "To-Do" list. Do we want kids? Yes...and maybe no. Just like when we were married 6 months back in Italy, human children were still up in the air, and a "We'll get to that later" type of attitude. Later doesn't have a date for us. But also we're not the "If it happens, it happens!" type of couple either. My anxiety won't let me consider that type of mindset. The type that is carefree, worry free, and let life take you by the hand. I have never lived that way and am waaay too uptight and self controlling.
A part of me wishes I would let go of these anxious fears. I have been asked, "What are you so afraid about?" To be honest, I think all of it. The whole having a baby thing from A to Z. From start to finish (is there really ever an actual finish? More like infinity.)
I'm anxious to carry a child inside me.
I'm anxious to give birth.
I'm anxious to feed a child.
I'm anxious I won't understand when a child is sick.
I'm anxious about when a child sleeps.
I'm anxious about illnesses a child can acquire.
I'm anxious I won't have maternal instincts.
I'm anxious I will get so stressed out I will run away.
I'm anxious if I run away this child will resent me forever.
I'm anxious if I run away my husband will resent me forever.
After nearly 3 years of happily married to my one and only, I am still not ready to bring a human life into this world. Yep, I still can't wrap my head around the thought of myself reproducing.
And this has NOTHING to do with my husband. Because I knew from the start he would make an amazing father. That was one of the many, many things I was utterly and completely attracted to when I knew 1 month after dating him that he was the one. My husband is one of the most caring and take charge type of men I know. I know I sound boastful because I bet so many other women say that about their significant others but I mean everything I said. He would be there through thick and thin.
So I have to ask myself, "What the heck is wrong with me?"
I know my friends and family have said, "Oh you'll know when you know," and "You are still so young!" and "There's always adoption."
It's not just the "having a baby" thing I'm anxious about. It's actually raising a child too. Because of how I act and react as an adult, I'm just not so sure if taking care of another human life would be a wise decision for myself. I'm uber selfish, and (and this is going to sound strange) I am completely and hopelessly obsessed with our cats. Like an addiction. Not unhealthy, but not your typical "I love my cat" kind of thing. I treat our cats like they're our kids. But cats are SO EASY.
I tell people, "If you have a dog you somewhat like human kids because dogs are like human children in a way." "True anti kid people have cats. Or no pets at all, lol."
Stereotypical as that sounds, dogs are very much like a furry human child. They NEED your attention. They NEED to played with. They WANT to be next to you. Dogs are very awesome, but I honestly couldn't handle a dog if I owned one. So what does that tell you about me?
Bitter as this blog post sounds, I'm glad I finally got this off my chest. The ACTUAL reasons why human children still aren't on my "To do" list. I'm officially in my late twenties, I can hear my biological ticking in the background and I'm continuously ignoring the sound by watching my mass amount of YouTube videos. Luckily since we've traveled back to the Mother Land there have been so many more distractions I have been able to participate in like a job and school. Those help keep my mind on track for what I still want to accomplish in this lifespan.
So here's where I end my blog post. Still not a baby maker, nor a newlywed anymore...somewhere in between. And as rumors may stir and questions become more prevalent, I am starting to take on everything more with a grain of sand. If kids don't ever enter my life I'm ok with that. In a way it's sad, but in another way I absolutely HAVE to be ready for a kid to enter our lives. I know it's BOTH my husband and my choice, so this choice has to be mutual.
Cheers, Kadie
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Talk About It Tuesday: Not to Disappoint You...
It's Talk About It Tuesday people, and I'm back at it again.
I decided to write a post tonight explaining (or talking about) the plethora amount of questions that SO many of these new spouses arriving at Aviano have been asking on the spouse page.
DISCLOSURE: This post isn't to poke fun at, and all names have been kept anonymous. It's more of a "realistic" answer form which I so wish I would have known before stepping foot on that 14 hour plane ride nearly 3 years ago embarking on this magical and mystical...let's get real, this was no fairy tale adventure...this was more like a "kick-in-the-booty-more-disappointing-than-excellent-adventure-finding-myself-but-more-of-a-waste-time-I-lived-in-Italy."
So without further ado, here are just some of the questions which I (as well as others) have asked BEFORE [and] AFTER arriving here. Believe me I have the up most sympathy for these lovelies because I totally know how they feel!):
Q1: I sell a variety of handmade items on Etsy. What time does the Post Office on base open?
A1: Unfortunately due to the SOFA (Status of Forces Agreement) based on the Italian Law, it is illegal for spouses to sell items while residing in Italy for profit. The Post Office on base is not to be used for business related inquiries. The Italian Post Offices off base require a tax form and you will subjected to pay the 23% taxes. Also sending off numerous packages via Italian Post Office gives the Italian Law right to investigate if you are conducting a business without a work visa.
Q2: I am just a few credits shy of my Registered Nursing degree. What schools are offered on base?
A2: Unfortunately students can only take prerequisites for a RN degree. There are no hands-on courses available here.
Q3: I'm wanting to work on base. How do I apply for a job, and what jobs are offered?
A3: There are two options for applying for jobs. www.usajobs.gov and www.nafjobs.org. There you will make a profile and apply for the desired job. Just a fair warning it can be difficult to obtain a job here. If you are interested in childcare such as the Child Development Center (CDC,) and the Aviano Youth Program (AYP,) you shouldn't have as hard of time getting one of those jobs. Also the Bowling Alley and Deja Brew on base are usually hiring as well. Your resumes on file could take up to a year for you to obtain a job at a designated facility.
Q4: What's on base housing like?
A4: Here at Aviano there is no on base housing available. All enlisted and officers who are at a designated rank and/or married are required to live off base in a privately owned house/apartment/condo/duplex. There are a few "GHRP" (Government Housing Rental Program) homes available, but many are farther from base and not in very nice neighborhoods. Stand alone houses are few and far between, and many are farther from base as well. Many families live in "row houses" aka townhouses that suit very well.
Q5: What types of cars are driven there? I'm wanting to just get a little automatic for under $2,000.
A5: Many Italians drive little beater cars. About 80% of cars driven here are manual (stick shift.) Automatics are few and far between and are expensive because they are the most sought after. I would recommend learning how to drive a manual. There could be a chance that your car may break down or you need to take someone home and there's a good chance that car is a manual.
Q6: My husband and I are dry heat lovers! What's the weather like in Italy?
A6: Be prepared to purchase rain boots. Here in Northeastern Italy it rains...a lot! And it's also muggy and humid. It does get hot during the summer months, but combined with nearly 100% humidity and you're basking in a sticky hot mess.
Q7: I've heard the term "riposo." What's that?
A7: Riposo aka "Ease or Rest" is typically a 3 hour break mid day the Italian workers on the economy take. Entire stores close down for this "rest" so unfortunately you cannot run errands and such until after the riposo. Luckily on base doesn't have riposo.
Q8: What are gas coupons?
A8: Here in Italy gas is rationed to Americans. Unless you choose to pay in euro (and spend a fortune) the base has regulated monthly gas rations in order to provide somewhat of a break for Americans/on base faculty. Believe me, it's much cheaper using gas rations! One of the strings attached to this break are the gas stations close before 9pm on weekdays, 6pm on Saturdays, and noon on Sundays (unless you wish to drive all the way out to the Autostrada to get gas.) So many people suggest filling up before the weekend. Oh and gas stations also take riposos too, so plan accordingly.
Q9: The commissary always seems to run out of things quickly. Why is that?
A9: Blame the crunchies! Lol just kidding. The Aviano commissary runs out of certain items quite frequently because many items are popular among the community and cannot be purchased off base on the economy. Unfortunately the shipment schedule goes like this: Almost all shipments are first sent to Ramstein Germany, the hub and one of the largest bases in Europe. The shipments are then split and sent to Vicenza Army base, THEN Aviano. Yes, Aviano gets shipped to last usually. The BX also ships to Aviano last. That's why popular items which run out easily at Aviano are usually in stock at Vincenza and Ramstein...because those bases get the main shipments and Aviano basically get the remainder...but enough to stock their inventory. No leftovers.
Q10: What are the bills like in Italy?
A10: There are a few different type of bills: Electricity, Water, Gasolio, and Bombola. Let's start with electricity shall we? Recently housing switched companies to a new electric provider in hopes the electricity bills would come more frequently than the past company's "Once in a blue moon" pattern. Unfortunately just like the old company, this new company is on the same pattern. Electricity bills pop up at random. Sometimes every 3 months and sometimes every 6 months. The cost of electricity really depends on your home. If your home is newer, chances are it is more efficient. If your home is on the older side, chances are if the home hasn't been upgraded your bills will be higher. In the winter time on average, an electricity bill ranges from 500-1,300 Euros roughly every 3 months. Luckily (and I say this with a ton of emphasis) the military gives each family utility allowance to cover ALL of your utility expenses. What YOU choose to do with it is your own business, however there have been a few families who never had received a bill before they left and ended up owing $10,000!
So save that dough!
Water is by far the cheapest here. And pretty anywhere else in the world. On average water costs $100-$250/year. Crazy cheap!
Bombola is also fairly cheap and is also known as propane.
Gasolio is actually similar to electricity for the fact these bills can be random as well. Unless your home includes a gasolio tank in which you fill up how much you need for your radiators. My husband and myself have only filled up TWICE since we've lived at our house totaling $800. That's it! And the reason why we've only filled up twice and paid only $800 was because during the winter we chose to dress in layers, snuggle with the kitties, and basically freeze, lol. We were more into saving $$ than blowing it all on our selfish needs.
Q11: Whats's the culture like in Italy?
A11: Italian culture is quite different than the typical/average American culture. Italians are SLOW and take their time on daily tasks. What takes an American a day to accomplish, may take an Italian a week to get done. Italians are very family oriented, and enjoy spending most if not all their time with their loved ones. They take great pride in their eating times, and take time out to actually enjoy life. Most Italians are very happy, though they look irritated when looking at their faces. I call it the typical "Italian Stink Eye" lol. Also Italians don't understand what a personal bubble is. They crowd and [gently] push their way into groups. They're not trying to be mean necessarily, they just want to get what everyone else is having/doing.
Q12: My mom has the summer off and I'd like to go back on the rotator since it's cheaper. How does all of that work?
A12: Good luck trying to fly the rotator during the summer if you're a category 4 or below. Summer is the most busiest time to fly the rotator since many families with children PCS during that time so their children aren't taken out of school. Also many families go on vacation during the summer since their children are out of school. The motto for the rotator is, "It may be easy to get out of Aviano, but getting back is another story." Some people (mainly spouses and children) who are categories 4 and below are stranded at BWI (Baltimore International) for weeks at a time (this is if they don't have family on the East Coast, and had to take a plane to BWI.) My advice would be to fly commercial round trip if you're planning on going back stateside for the summer. From my own personal experience, I left during high PCS season easily, but chose to stay stateside for several months before flying on the rotator back to Aviano. Keep in mind if you are gone for over 30 days then you will lose COLA and utilities!
So now do you understand why many spouses aren't command sponsored? Or they simply return back stateside and never come back?
I know this post sounds like an utterly and completely negative, bitter, and "Why would you even write this post" but if you're ANYTHING like me..."entrepreneur ambitious, career-driven, family oriented, outgoing, not-ready-to-pop-some-kids-out" type of gal, then you should maybe think twice before putting Aviano Italy on your list.
I agree, it IS what you make of a place, and to bloom where you are planted. But after having at least 15 doors slammed in your face, I think something's telling me this place isn't for an individual like myself.
So for future spouses, take heart. Some will grow to love this place, and others (like myself) not so much.
I decided to write a post tonight explaining (or talking about) the plethora amount of questions that SO many of these new spouses arriving at Aviano have been asking on the spouse page.
DISCLOSURE: This post isn't to poke fun at, and all names have been kept anonymous. It's more of a "realistic" answer form which I so wish I would have known before stepping foot on that 14 hour plane ride nearly 3 years ago embarking on this magical and mystical...let's get real, this was no fairy tale adventure...this was more like a "kick-in-the-booty-more-disappointing-than-excellent-adventure-finding-myself-but-more-of-a-waste-time-I-lived-in-Italy."
So without further ado, here are just some of the questions which I (as well as others) have asked BEFORE [and] AFTER arriving here. Believe me I have the up most sympathy for these lovelies because I totally know how they feel!):
Q1: I sell a variety of handmade items on Etsy. What time does the Post Office on base open?
A1: Unfortunately due to the SOFA (Status of Forces Agreement) based on the Italian Law, it is illegal for spouses to sell items while residing in Italy for profit. The Post Office on base is not to be used for business related inquiries. The Italian Post Offices off base require a tax form and you will subjected to pay the 23% taxes. Also sending off numerous packages via Italian Post Office gives the Italian Law right to investigate if you are conducting a business without a work visa.
Q2: I am just a few credits shy of my Registered Nursing degree. What schools are offered on base?
A2: Unfortunately students can only take prerequisites for a RN degree. There are no hands-on courses available here.
Q3: I'm wanting to work on base. How do I apply for a job, and what jobs are offered?
A3: There are two options for applying for jobs. www.usajobs.gov and www.nafjobs.org. There you will make a profile and apply for the desired job. Just a fair warning it can be difficult to obtain a job here. If you are interested in childcare such as the Child Development Center (CDC,) and the Aviano Youth Program (AYP,) you shouldn't have as hard of time getting one of those jobs. Also the Bowling Alley and Deja Brew on base are usually hiring as well. Your resumes on file could take up to a year for you to obtain a job at a designated facility.
Q4: What's on base housing like?
A4: Here at Aviano there is no on base housing available. All enlisted and officers who are at a designated rank and/or married are required to live off base in a privately owned house/apartment/condo/duplex. There are a few "GHRP" (Government Housing Rental Program) homes available, but many are farther from base and not in very nice neighborhoods. Stand alone houses are few and far between, and many are farther from base as well. Many families live in "row houses" aka townhouses that suit very well.
Q5: What types of cars are driven there? I'm wanting to just get a little automatic for under $2,000.
A5: Many Italians drive little beater cars. About 80% of cars driven here are manual (stick shift.) Automatics are few and far between and are expensive because they are the most sought after. I would recommend learning how to drive a manual. There could be a chance that your car may break down or you need to take someone home and there's a good chance that car is a manual.
Q6: My husband and I are dry heat lovers! What's the weather like in Italy?
A6: Be prepared to purchase rain boots. Here in Northeastern Italy it rains...a lot! And it's also muggy and humid. It does get hot during the summer months, but combined with nearly 100% humidity and you're basking in a sticky hot mess.
Q7: I've heard the term "riposo." What's that?
A7: Riposo aka "Ease or Rest" is typically a 3 hour break mid day the Italian workers on the economy take. Entire stores close down for this "rest" so unfortunately you cannot run errands and such until after the riposo. Luckily on base doesn't have riposo.
Q8: What are gas coupons?
A8: Here in Italy gas is rationed to Americans. Unless you choose to pay in euro (and spend a fortune) the base has regulated monthly gas rations in order to provide somewhat of a break for Americans/on base faculty. Believe me, it's much cheaper using gas rations! One of the strings attached to this break are the gas stations close before 9pm on weekdays, 6pm on Saturdays, and noon on Sundays (unless you wish to drive all the way out to the Autostrada to get gas.) So many people suggest filling up before the weekend. Oh and gas stations also take riposos too, so plan accordingly.
Q9: The commissary always seems to run out of things quickly. Why is that?
A9: Blame the crunchies! Lol just kidding. The Aviano commissary runs out of certain items quite frequently because many items are popular among the community and cannot be purchased off base on the economy. Unfortunately the shipment schedule goes like this: Almost all shipments are first sent to Ramstein Germany, the hub and one of the largest bases in Europe. The shipments are then split and sent to Vicenza Army base, THEN Aviano. Yes, Aviano gets shipped to last usually. The BX also ships to Aviano last. That's why popular items which run out easily at Aviano are usually in stock at Vincenza and Ramstein...because those bases get the main shipments and Aviano basically get the remainder...but enough to stock their inventory. No leftovers.
Q10: What are the bills like in Italy?
A10: There are a few different type of bills: Electricity, Water, Gasolio, and Bombola. Let's start with electricity shall we? Recently housing switched companies to a new electric provider in hopes the electricity bills would come more frequently than the past company's "Once in a blue moon" pattern. Unfortunately just like the old company, this new company is on the same pattern. Electricity bills pop up at random. Sometimes every 3 months and sometimes every 6 months. The cost of electricity really depends on your home. If your home is newer, chances are it is more efficient. If your home is on the older side, chances are if the home hasn't been upgraded your bills will be higher. In the winter time on average, an electricity bill ranges from 500-1,300 Euros roughly every 3 months. Luckily (and I say this with a ton of emphasis) the military gives each family utility allowance to cover ALL of your utility expenses. What YOU choose to do with it is your own business, however there have been a few families who never had received a bill before they left and ended up owing $10,000!
So save that dough!
Water is by far the cheapest here. And pretty anywhere else in the world. On average water costs $100-$250/year. Crazy cheap!
Bombola is also fairly cheap and is also known as propane.
Gasolio is actually similar to electricity for the fact these bills can be random as well. Unless your home includes a gasolio tank in which you fill up how much you need for your radiators. My husband and myself have only filled up TWICE since we've lived at our house totaling $800. That's it! And the reason why we've only filled up twice and paid only $800 was because during the winter we chose to dress in layers, snuggle with the kitties, and basically freeze, lol. We were more into saving $$ than blowing it all on our selfish needs.
Q11: Whats's the culture like in Italy?
A11: Italian culture is quite different than the typical/average American culture. Italians are SLOW and take their time on daily tasks. What takes an American a day to accomplish, may take an Italian a week to get done. Italians are very family oriented, and enjoy spending most if not all their time with their loved ones. They take great pride in their eating times, and take time out to actually enjoy life. Most Italians are very happy, though they look irritated when looking at their faces. I call it the typical "Italian Stink Eye" lol. Also Italians don't understand what a personal bubble is. They crowd and [gently] push their way into groups. They're not trying to be mean necessarily, they just want to get what everyone else is having/doing.
Q12: My mom has the summer off and I'd like to go back on the rotator since it's cheaper. How does all of that work?
A12: Good luck trying to fly the rotator during the summer if you're a category 4 or below. Summer is the most busiest time to fly the rotator since many families with children PCS during that time so their children aren't taken out of school. Also many families go on vacation during the summer since their children are out of school. The motto for the rotator is, "It may be easy to get out of Aviano, but getting back is another story." Some people (mainly spouses and children) who are categories 4 and below are stranded at BWI (Baltimore International) for weeks at a time (this is if they don't have family on the East Coast, and had to take a plane to BWI.) My advice would be to fly commercial round trip if you're planning on going back stateside for the summer. From my own personal experience, I left during high PCS season easily, but chose to stay stateside for several months before flying on the rotator back to Aviano. Keep in mind if you are gone for over 30 days then you will lose COLA and utilities!
So now do you understand why many spouses aren't command sponsored? Or they simply return back stateside and never come back?
I know this post sounds like an utterly and completely negative, bitter, and "Why would you even write this post" but if you're ANYTHING like me..."entrepreneur ambitious, career-driven, family oriented, outgoing, not-ready-to-pop-some-kids-out" type of gal, then you should maybe think twice before putting Aviano Italy on your list.
I agree, it IS what you make of a place, and to bloom where you are planted. But after having at least 15 doors slammed in your face, I think something's telling me this place isn't for an individual like myself.
So for future spouses, take heart. Some will grow to love this place, and others (like myself) not so much.
Friday, August 29, 2014
FAQ's: You asked, we answered!
Over the few years my husband and I have been married and living abroad, I've had quite the plethora of questions asked by my fellow friends and followers. I answer most, but those answers don't travel through the grapevine making new friends and followers ask repeated questions. So I decided why not list the most commonly asked questions here, and I give you our answers!
Q: There seems to be not just one wedding date for you guys. Why is that?
A: You're right there isn't just one. According to the state of Washington our legal marriage date is September 21, 2011. However we "officially" wed in front of our friends and family on April 14, 2012.
Q: When did your husband Topher join the military?
A: Toph enlisted in the military in February 2009 however he waited until one of his top 3 job positions opened up and went to basic training in April 2011. Unfortunately his "join date" didn't count until he went to basic.
Q: Why did your husband enlist in the military?
A: Toph enlisted after realizing his current job was getting him no where. He knew he wanted to better himself for the future and earn a decent living. I couldn't be more proud of him because sometimes it takes a person years to realize their life isn't going anywhere.
Q: Why did your husband choose Italy as his first duty assignment?
A: Toph actually didn't choose Italy as his first assignment. Italy was chosen by the Air Force. Ironically he put nothing down for overseas bases, because he wanted to stay as close to his family as possible. The Air Force puts you where they want you, and where a job opening suitable for your rank is offered.
Q: So he didn't choose Mountain Home AFB in Idaho either?
A: Technically we chose Mountain Home AFB out of the bases that were offered to us at that time. Idaho was the only job opening that was close to both our families.
Q: Weren't you guys going to Japan earlier this year?
A: Yes we had orders to Japan however Toph chose to amend those orders because I wanted to continue furthering my education and to be close to our families. Living almost 6,000 miles away in Italy has been rough on both of us.
Q: Why do you hate Italy so much? It's a gorgeous country that many only dream of visiting.
A: We don't "hate" Italy. And "visiting" here is SO much different than "living" here. For me as a career-driven entrepreneur Italy was a major set back. Legally I cannot have a home business here since I do not posses a work visa. I am on a government affiliated mission visa. About 99.9% of the dependents here have a mission visa. I chose not to obtain a work visa here due to the 23% taxes I would have to pay, and losing my base privileges. Though there are some dependents here that continue to have a home business, I chose to shut mine down and not run the risk of being deported or ending up in the Italian jail for an associated amount of time. I also could not go to school for my desired major because it is not offered here on base. To visit here is wonderful because tourists don't become stuck in a rut of day-to-day life that just seems to drag on. Heck if I were to just "visit" here with no strings attached I would be more than willing to say I LOVE ITALY!
Q: What's the weather like in Italy?
A: It depends on which part of Italy you're wanting to know about. Here in Northeastern Italy it's humid almost year around. It rains almost year around as well. Summers are usually muggy and around mid eighties. The winters here are wet and cold with sometimes a dusting of snow. I usually tell people it's similar to the weather in the Pacific Northwest, but just crank up the humidity to 90%.
Q: What rank is your husband?
A: Toph tacked on Senior Airmen last November, so he is an E4 rank.
Q: We haven't heard you talk about the food in Italy very often...do you enjoy it?
A: Personally the food here is kinda bland. I cook homemade meals anywhere from 90-95% of the time (we rarely eat out) and I honestly prefer my cooking (yes I'm biased) over the cooking here. It's ok, but I miss American cooking with a passion.
Q: Is it expensive to live in Italy?
A: If you're living on the economy as a American citizen yes, I believe it's very expensive. Though produce markets here are relatively cheap, dining out here is ridiculously expensive. We really only go to a sushi restaurant about every 3 months or so and for both of us to order 4-5 things off the menu is about $70. Those items in the states would have cost us maybe $30. Rip off.
Q: What exactly does the military pay for?
A: The military pays for our house, medical/dental, utility allowance, and COLA (cost of living allowance for overseas.) But technically much of that comes out of Toph's paycheck.
Q: Where have you traveled while in Italy?
A: Not very much, lol. We've never left Italy. We chose to save our $$ and plan for our future.
Q: Aren't you going to regret never traveling while living abroad?
A: Not really. We just never got the travel bug. Sad to most, but like mentioned earlier, we had no intentions of living abroad. It's expensive to travel here.
Q: Why didn't you ever get a job there?
A: I actually tried for over a year to get a job. I applied for over 15 different positions and was unfortunately never hired. Degrees and certifications didn't mean ANYTHING as to why I wasn't hired. None of the jobs I applied for required a degree. There is over 2,000 dependents here all applying for virtually the same positions...it was too competitive. The last job I applied for and wasn't hired was because the dependent which was hired made cookies. Yep, a sad reason.
Q: You mention 220V...what's that?
A: Here in Europe 220V is the electricity used. 220 volts/50 hertz. In the states the electricity is 110 volts/60 hertz. Unless your appliances/electronics are dual voltage you will have to purchase 220 items or use your 110 items on a transformer. We chose not to use our 110 items on a transformer because the motor wears out faster. So all the appliances we were given at our wedding are still new in their boxes waiting to be used when we get to Mountain Home!!!
Q: What kind of camera do you shoot with?
A: I shoot with an entry level Canon T3i DSLR. I'm an amateur photographer (just started this year) and decided on this camera to begin with. The one thing I would change about this camera would be continuous auto focus. The T4i is when Canon started making continuous auto focus on their entry level cameras.
Q: New lens?
A: I just got the cheapest lens Canon makes, a 50mm 1.8. It was 100 bucks. I wanted something that would make the bokeh super creamy in the background. This is an awesome lens if you're wanting to step outside your comfort-zoned kit lens. It is however a prime lens meaning you can't zoom in or out without physically getting closer or farther away from your object. And using this on a crop sensor camera actually makes this lens an 80mm instead of a 50mm. I would LOVE a full framed camera...but not the $$$$ price tag.
Q: What do you use to edit your videos.
A: Windows Live Movie Maker. And I hate it, lol. It's great for just the basic stuff but if you're looking for voice overs, zooming in on a clip, etc. Definitely go with something more pro. iMovie is amazing. My next laptop (once this one kicks the dust) will be a MacBook Pro. I am beginning to despise PC's lol.
So that's a good amount of questions for ya all to read through! Please comment down below if you'd like me to answer some more questions in the near future!
Q: There seems to be not just one wedding date for you guys. Why is that?
A: You're right there isn't just one. According to the state of Washington our legal marriage date is September 21, 2011. However we "officially" wed in front of our friends and family on April 14, 2012.
Q: When did your husband Topher join the military?
A: Toph enlisted in the military in February 2009 however he waited until one of his top 3 job positions opened up and went to basic training in April 2011. Unfortunately his "join date" didn't count until he went to basic.
Q: Why did your husband enlist in the military?
A: Toph enlisted after realizing his current job was getting him no where. He knew he wanted to better himself for the future and earn a decent living. I couldn't be more proud of him because sometimes it takes a person years to realize their life isn't going anywhere.
Q: Why did your husband choose Italy as his first duty assignment?
A: Toph actually didn't choose Italy as his first assignment. Italy was chosen by the Air Force. Ironically he put nothing down for overseas bases, because he wanted to stay as close to his family as possible. The Air Force puts you where they want you, and where a job opening suitable for your rank is offered.
Q: So he didn't choose Mountain Home AFB in Idaho either?
A: Technically we chose Mountain Home AFB out of the bases that were offered to us at that time. Idaho was the only job opening that was close to both our families.
Q: Weren't you guys going to Japan earlier this year?
A: Yes we had orders to Japan however Toph chose to amend those orders because I wanted to continue furthering my education and to be close to our families. Living almost 6,000 miles away in Italy has been rough on both of us.
Q: Why do you hate Italy so much? It's a gorgeous country that many only dream of visiting.
A: We don't "hate" Italy. And "visiting" here is SO much different than "living" here. For me as a career-driven entrepreneur Italy was a major set back. Legally I cannot have a home business here since I do not posses a work visa. I am on a government affiliated mission visa. About 99.9% of the dependents here have a mission visa. I chose not to obtain a work visa here due to the 23% taxes I would have to pay, and losing my base privileges. Though there are some dependents here that continue to have a home business, I chose to shut mine down and not run the risk of being deported or ending up in the Italian jail for an associated amount of time. I also could not go to school for my desired major because it is not offered here on base. To visit here is wonderful because tourists don't become stuck in a rut of day-to-day life that just seems to drag on. Heck if I were to just "visit" here with no strings attached I would be more than willing to say I LOVE ITALY!
Q: What's the weather like in Italy?
A: It depends on which part of Italy you're wanting to know about. Here in Northeastern Italy it's humid almost year around. It rains almost year around as well. Summers are usually muggy and around mid eighties. The winters here are wet and cold with sometimes a dusting of snow. I usually tell people it's similar to the weather in the Pacific Northwest, but just crank up the humidity to 90%.
Q: What rank is your husband?
A: Toph tacked on Senior Airmen last November, so he is an E4 rank.
Q: We haven't heard you talk about the food in Italy very often...do you enjoy it?
A: Personally the food here is kinda bland. I cook homemade meals anywhere from 90-95% of the time (we rarely eat out) and I honestly prefer my cooking (yes I'm biased) over the cooking here. It's ok, but I miss American cooking with a passion.
Q: Is it expensive to live in Italy?
A: If you're living on the economy as a American citizen yes, I believe it's very expensive. Though produce markets here are relatively cheap, dining out here is ridiculously expensive. We really only go to a sushi restaurant about every 3 months or so and for both of us to order 4-5 things off the menu is about $70. Those items in the states would have cost us maybe $30. Rip off.
Q: What exactly does the military pay for?
A: The military pays for our house, medical/dental, utility allowance, and COLA (cost of living allowance for overseas.) But technically much of that comes out of Toph's paycheck.
Q: Where have you traveled while in Italy?
A: Not very much, lol. We've never left Italy. We chose to save our $$ and plan for our future.
Q: Aren't you going to regret never traveling while living abroad?
A: Not really. We just never got the travel bug. Sad to most, but like mentioned earlier, we had no intentions of living abroad. It's expensive to travel here.
Q: Why didn't you ever get a job there?
A: I actually tried for over a year to get a job. I applied for over 15 different positions and was unfortunately never hired. Degrees and certifications didn't mean ANYTHING as to why I wasn't hired. None of the jobs I applied for required a degree. There is over 2,000 dependents here all applying for virtually the same positions...it was too competitive. The last job I applied for and wasn't hired was because the dependent which was hired made cookies. Yep, a sad reason.
Q: You mention 220V...what's that?
A: Here in Europe 220V is the electricity used. 220 volts/50 hertz. In the states the electricity is 110 volts/60 hertz. Unless your appliances/electronics are dual voltage you will have to purchase 220 items or use your 110 items on a transformer. We chose not to use our 110 items on a transformer because the motor wears out faster. So all the appliances we were given at our wedding are still new in their boxes waiting to be used when we get to Mountain Home!!!
Q: What kind of camera do you shoot with?
A: I shoot with an entry level Canon T3i DSLR. I'm an amateur photographer (just started this year) and decided on this camera to begin with. The one thing I would change about this camera would be continuous auto focus. The T4i is when Canon started making continuous auto focus on their entry level cameras.
Q: New lens?
A: I just got the cheapest lens Canon makes, a 50mm 1.8. It was 100 bucks. I wanted something that would make the bokeh super creamy in the background. This is an awesome lens if you're wanting to step outside your comfort-zoned kit lens. It is however a prime lens meaning you can't zoom in or out without physically getting closer or farther away from your object. And using this on a crop sensor camera actually makes this lens an 80mm instead of a 50mm. I would LOVE a full framed camera...but not the $$$$ price tag.
Q: What do you use to edit your videos.
A: Windows Live Movie Maker. And I hate it, lol. It's great for just the basic stuff but if you're looking for voice overs, zooming in on a clip, etc. Definitely go with something more pro. iMovie is amazing. My next laptop (once this one kicks the dust) will be a MacBook Pro. I am beginning to despise PC's lol.
So that's a good amount of questions for ya all to read through! Please comment down below if you'd like me to answer some more questions in the near future!
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