What I've Learned in THREE Years of Marriage

Wow. I cannot believe my husband and I have been marital bliss for three whole years as of Tuesday. Crazy to think where the time has gone, and to look back on so many things that have took place in our lives.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane...

Saturday, April 14, 2012

We were "officially" hitched! I use the word officially with quotations because we were actually married legally the prior September. We don't "officially" count that as our wedding date, but it is technically our legal marriage date.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Not even a week of being newly married and we were off to live in a foreign country. You could say that was our "honeymoon" lol.
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Quite a few folks told us that your first year of marriage is your hardest, and after that it's all down hill from there. Hmmm, that's actually ironic because the marriage aspect honestly wasn't all that difficult, it was the living so far from our families that really took its toll on both of us.

In the first year of marriage, I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, hand wash dishes (thanks to no dishwasher,) learn to be very independent (my husband would work for sometimes 12 hours a day,) learn how to drive a manual vehicle, and...oh, learn how to cope with not seeing my family for an entire year. So in all honesty, I'd have to give myself huge kudos for a brand new married wife, who set out with her brand new husband to live in a foreign country, and not have "mommy and daddy" nearby for help.

In the second year of marriage, STILL living overseas, it was definitely easier coping without having our parental figures just an easy drive away. I gradually got used to being alone for hours on end, adding up the time change as to when I could call my mom, figuring out it took exactly 8 hours to complete (1) load of laundry from start to finish (thanks European washer and dryer!) and detect when a massive thunderstorm was bound to happen. My skin hardened, I became less fragile, and honestly much more bitter as I waited my time out in Europe. I hated cooking, cleaning, and above all, I missed my family.
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But this post wasn't to dwell on the past. Sure, maybe our first few years of marriage weren't sunshine and rainbows. We had each other. We confided into each other. If we ever had quarrels, we worked them out together. Because "mommy and daddy" weren't just a phone call away all the time. And obviously they weren't a car ride away. So staying mad at one another just wasn't an option. We were basically all each other had, plus our kitties.

I think one of the biggest things I learned about myself while "living abroad" was I really, really don't like being alone for long periods of time. And by long periods I mean days. I can go for a day or so being by myself, without any human interaction. But after that and I start going crazy.

So what exactly have I learned in three years of marriage?

• A happy wife=a happy life, lol
• A clean kitchen=a happy husband
• At least making something somewhat edible=a happy husband
• Learning to deal with your anxiety and not showing you're stressed, makes your partner less stressed
• Having a bedtime routine
• Taking turns feeding/caring for your pets
• Apologizing for even the smallest things that may have hurt your partner's feelings
• Having dinner together, sitting together=a more enjoyable dinner time
• Putting your clothes in the laundry hamper and not beside it
• Sending texts throughout the day asking how each other is doing
• Calling when at the grocery store to ask if they need anything else

These are what's came to mind right now. And yes, the more years I've been married, the easier it's gotten. Especially since my husband and I have gone through quite the large amount of ups and downs...not particularly between us, but the things around us. 

I feel since our lives have changed dramatically over the past week, with our kitty's diagnosis, and really taking time out for her, it has brought us closer as a couple. 

I've heard people say when certain situations go wrong, it either tears a couple apart, or brings them closer together. 

When Do You Know You're Ready?

Yesterday was April Fool's and I didn't prank one person. Dang it!

I've been thinking a ton lately about what to call my next blog post. In the near future I'm also going to blog about being married for three years, and why married life has changed me for the better. But that's for another soon to come blog post.

This one merely asks the question, "When do you know you're ready?"

Ready for what you ask? Well for anything. In my case specifically, when do you know you're ready to start a family. A human family because some people don't consider a family with just fur children a real family. I do, but let's not start a heated debate about that today.

According to the Duggar Family from the hit TV family reality show, "19 Kids and Counting" you know when you're ready to have a child when you join in matrimony with your significant other. After the holy marital union, a baby is just the cherry on top of your happiness and sharing your lives together for eternity.

Come on now.

There is this thing though. Or maybe it's things. I've had some rather concerned folks question me, asking if the reason my husband and I haven't jumped on the baby train yet is because we're not completely sure about each other. Let me tell you something. I knew my husband was THE ONE I was going to marry just ONE MONTH after dating him. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And to this day, nearly FIVE years after being together with him I still feel that way, butterflies and all.

I think having kids is like learning to ride a bike. So many women including my own mother have told me, "It will just click one day." But when? When does it click? When I'm financially stable? When I earn my degree? When my husband and I purchase our first home? When we pay off our car? When I can no longer freak out about under cooking meat? When I can finally play "Destination" by Nickel Creek without having to look up the lyrics? When. I want to know.

I think that's what I'm so confused about. When people tell me, "You'll know when you know." But what if I don't? What if I over think this just like how I'm over thinking this blog post?
What if I keep asking myself if I'm ready, if my husband and I are ready to take on this huge ginormous step in our lives and I take a step back to look at the entire picture and freak out. And say I'm still not ready.

I struggle, no I sputter and drown thinking about if and when I'll be ready, if I ever will be ready. I'm scared I'll never be ready. I'm scared I won't ever be ready and then it will be too late.

So when did YOU know you were ready for a human child? Did it just click one day? Did it click when you saw a little pink plus sign on a test? Or see a picture of the child you could possibly adopt and make yours forever?

How did you know?