It's Talk About It Tuesday people, and I'm back at it again.
I decided to write a post tonight explaining (or talking about) the plethora amount of questions that SO many of these new spouses arriving at Aviano have been asking on the spouse page.
DISCLOSURE: This post isn't to poke fun at, and all names have been kept anonymous. It's more of a "realistic" answer form which I so wish I would have known before stepping foot on that 14 hour plane ride nearly 3 years ago embarking on this magical and mystical...let's get real, this was no fairy tale adventure...this was more like a "kick-in-the-booty-more-disappointing-than-excellent-adventure-finding-myself-but-more-of-a-waste-time-I-lived-in-Italy."
So without further ado, here are just some of the questions which I (as well as others) have asked BEFORE [and] AFTER arriving here. Believe me I have the up most sympathy for these lovelies because I totally know how they feel!):
Q1: I sell a variety of handmade items on Etsy. What time does the Post Office on base open?
A1: Unfortunately due to the SOFA (Status of Forces Agreement) based on the Italian Law, it is illegal for spouses to sell items while residing in Italy for profit. The Post Office on base is not to be used for business related inquiries. The Italian Post Offices off base require a tax form and you will subjected to pay the 23% taxes. Also sending off numerous packages via Italian Post Office gives the Italian Law right to investigate if you are conducting a business without a work visa.
Q2: I am just a few credits shy of my Registered Nursing degree. What schools are offered on base?
A2: Unfortunately students can only take prerequisites for a RN degree. There are no hands-on courses available here.
Q3: I'm wanting to work on base. How do I apply for a job, and what jobs are offered?
A3: There are two options for applying for jobs. www.usajobs.gov and www.nafjobs.org. There you will make a profile and apply for the desired job. Just a fair warning it can be difficult to obtain a job here. If you are interested in childcare such as the Child Development Center (CDC,) and the Aviano Youth Program (AYP,) you shouldn't have as hard of time getting one of those jobs. Also the Bowling Alley and Deja Brew on base are usually hiring as well. Your resumes on file could take up to a year for you to obtain a job at a designated facility.
Q4: What's on base housing like?
A4: Here at Aviano there is no on base housing available. All enlisted and officers who are at a designated rank and/or married are required to live off base in a privately owned house/apartment/condo/duplex. There are a few "GHRP" (Government Housing Rental Program) homes available, but many are farther from base and not in very nice neighborhoods. Stand alone houses are few and far between, and many are farther from base as well. Many families live in "row houses" aka townhouses that suit very well.
Q5: What types of cars are driven there? I'm wanting to just get a little automatic for under $2,000.
A5: Many Italians drive little beater cars. About 80% of cars driven here are manual (stick shift.) Automatics are few and far between and are expensive because they are the most sought after. I would recommend learning how to drive a manual. There could be a chance that your car may break down or you need to take someone home and there's a good chance that car is a manual.
Q6: My husband and I are dry heat lovers! What's the weather like in Italy?
A6: Be prepared to purchase rain boots. Here in Northeastern Italy it rains...a lot! And it's also muggy and humid. It does get hot during the summer months, but combined with nearly 100% humidity and you're basking in a sticky hot mess.
Q7: I've heard the term "riposo." What's that?
A7: Riposo aka "Ease or Rest" is typically a 3 hour break mid day the Italian workers on the economy take. Entire stores close down for this "rest" so unfortunately you cannot run errands and such until after the riposo. Luckily on base doesn't have riposo.
Q8: What are gas coupons?
A8: Here in Italy gas is rationed to Americans. Unless you choose to pay in euro (and spend a fortune) the base has regulated monthly gas rations in order to provide somewhat of a break for Americans/on base faculty. Believe me, it's much cheaper using gas rations! One of the strings attached to this break are the gas stations close before 9pm on weekdays, 6pm on Saturdays, and noon on Sundays (unless you wish to drive all the way out to the Autostrada to get gas.) So many people suggest filling up before the weekend. Oh and gas stations also take riposos too, so plan accordingly.
Q9: The commissary always seems to run out of things quickly. Why is that?
A9: Blame the crunchies! Lol just kidding. The Aviano commissary runs out of certain items quite frequently because many items are popular among the community and cannot be purchased off base on the economy. Unfortunately the shipment schedule goes like this: Almost all shipments are first sent to Ramstein Germany, the hub and one of the largest bases in Europe. The shipments are then split and sent to Vicenza Army base, THEN Aviano. Yes, Aviano gets shipped to last usually. The BX also ships to Aviano last. That's why popular items which run out easily at Aviano are usually in stock at Vincenza and Ramstein...because those bases get the main shipments and Aviano basically get the remainder...but enough to stock their inventory. No leftovers.
Q10: What are the bills like in Italy?
A10: There are a few different type of bills: Electricity, Water, Gasolio, and Bombola. Let's start with electricity shall we? Recently housing switched companies to a new electric provider in hopes the electricity bills would come more frequently than the past company's "Once in a blue moon" pattern. Unfortunately just like the old company, this new company is on the same pattern. Electricity bills pop up at random. Sometimes every 3 months and sometimes every 6 months. The cost of electricity really depends on your home. If your home is newer, chances are it is more efficient. If your home is on the older side, chances are if the home hasn't been upgraded your bills will be higher. In the winter time on average, an electricity bill ranges from 500-1,300 Euros roughly every 3 months. Luckily (and I say this with a ton of emphasis) the military gives each family utility allowance to cover ALL of your utility expenses. What YOU choose to do with it is your own business, however there have been a few families who never had received a bill before they left and ended up owing $10,000!
So save that dough!
Water is by far the cheapest here. And pretty anywhere else in the world. On average water costs $100-$250/year. Crazy cheap!
Bombola is also fairly cheap and is also known as propane.
Gasolio is actually similar to electricity for the fact these bills can be random as well. Unless your home includes a gasolio tank in which you fill up how much you need for your radiators. My husband and myself have only filled up TWICE since we've lived at our house totaling $800. That's it! And the reason why we've only filled up twice and paid only $800 was because during the winter we chose to dress in layers, snuggle with the kitties, and basically freeze, lol. We were more into saving $$ than blowing it all on our selfish needs.
Q11: Whats's the culture like in Italy?
A11: Italian culture is quite different than the typical/average American culture. Italians are SLOW and take their time on daily tasks. What takes an American a day to accomplish, may take an Italian a week to get done. Italians are very family oriented, and enjoy spending most if not all their time with their loved ones. They take great pride in their eating times, and take time out to actually enjoy life. Most Italians are very happy, though they look irritated when looking at their faces. I call it the typical "Italian Stink Eye" lol. Also Italians don't understand what a personal bubble is. They crowd and [gently] push their way into groups. They're not trying to be mean necessarily, they just want to get what everyone else is having/doing.
Q12: My mom has the summer off and I'd like to go back on the rotator since it's cheaper. How does all of that work?
A12: Good luck trying to fly the rotator during the summer if you're a category 4 or below. Summer is the most busiest time to fly the rotator since many families with children PCS during that time so their children aren't taken out of school. Also many families go on vacation during the summer since their children are out of school. The motto for the rotator is, "It may be easy to get out of Aviano, but getting back is another story." Some people (mainly spouses and children) who are categories 4 and below are stranded at BWI (Baltimore International) for weeks at a time (this is if they don't have family on the East Coast, and had to take a plane to BWI.) My advice would be to fly commercial round trip if you're planning on going back stateside for the summer. From my own personal experience, I left during high PCS season easily, but chose to stay stateside for several months before flying on the rotator back to Aviano. Keep in mind if you are gone for over 30 days then you will lose COLA and utilities!
So now do you understand why many spouses aren't command sponsored? Or they simply return back stateside and never come back?
I know this post sounds like an utterly and completely negative, bitter, and "Why would you even write this post" but if you're ANYTHING like me..."entrepreneur ambitious, career-driven, family oriented, outgoing, not-ready-to-pop-some-kids-out" type of gal, then you should maybe think twice before putting Aviano Italy on your list.
I agree, it IS what you make of a place, and to bloom where you are planted. But after having at least 15 doors slammed in your face, I think something's telling me this place isn't for an individual like myself.
So for future spouses, take heart. Some will grow to love this place, and others (like myself) not so much.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
FAQ's: You asked, we answered!
Over the few years my husband and I have been married and living abroad, I've had quite the plethora of questions asked by my fellow friends and followers. I answer most, but those answers don't travel through the grapevine making new friends and followers ask repeated questions. So I decided why not list the most commonly asked questions here, and I give you our answers!
Q: There seems to be not just one wedding date for you guys. Why is that?
A: You're right there isn't just one. According to the state of Washington our legal marriage date is September 21, 2011. However we "officially" wed in front of our friends and family on April 14, 2012.
Q: When did your husband Topher join the military?
A: Toph enlisted in the military in February 2009 however he waited until one of his top 3 job positions opened up and went to basic training in April 2011. Unfortunately his "join date" didn't count until he went to basic.
Q: Why did your husband enlist in the military?
A: Toph enlisted after realizing his current job was getting him no where. He knew he wanted to better himself for the future and earn a decent living. I couldn't be more proud of him because sometimes it takes a person years to realize their life isn't going anywhere.
Q: Why did your husband choose Italy as his first duty assignment?
A: Toph actually didn't choose Italy as his first assignment. Italy was chosen by the Air Force. Ironically he put nothing down for overseas bases, because he wanted to stay as close to his family as possible. The Air Force puts you where they want you, and where a job opening suitable for your rank is offered.
Q: So he didn't choose Mountain Home AFB in Idaho either?
A: Technically we chose Mountain Home AFB out of the bases that were offered to us at that time. Idaho was the only job opening that was close to both our families.
Q: Weren't you guys going to Japan earlier this year?
A: Yes we had orders to Japan however Toph chose to amend those orders because I wanted to continue furthering my education and to be close to our families. Living almost 6,000 miles away in Italy has been rough on both of us.
Q: Why do you hate Italy so much? It's a gorgeous country that many only dream of visiting.
A: We don't "hate" Italy. And "visiting" here is SO much different than "living" here. For me as a career-driven entrepreneur Italy was a major set back. Legally I cannot have a home business here since I do not posses a work visa. I am on a government affiliated mission visa. About 99.9% of the dependents here have a mission visa. I chose not to obtain a work visa here due to the 23% taxes I would have to pay, and losing my base privileges. Though there are some dependents here that continue to have a home business, I chose to shut mine down and not run the risk of being deported or ending up in the Italian jail for an associated amount of time. I also could not go to school for my desired major because it is not offered here on base. To visit here is wonderful because tourists don't become stuck in a rut of day-to-day life that just seems to drag on. Heck if I were to just "visit" here with no strings attached I would be more than willing to say I LOVE ITALY!
Q: What's the weather like in Italy?
A: It depends on which part of Italy you're wanting to know about. Here in Northeastern Italy it's humid almost year around. It rains almost year around as well. Summers are usually muggy and around mid eighties. The winters here are wet and cold with sometimes a dusting of snow. I usually tell people it's similar to the weather in the Pacific Northwest, but just crank up the humidity to 90%.
Q: What rank is your husband?
A: Toph tacked on Senior Airmen last November, so he is an E4 rank.
Q: We haven't heard you talk about the food in Italy very often...do you enjoy it?
A: Personally the food here is kinda bland. I cook homemade meals anywhere from 90-95% of the time (we rarely eat out) and I honestly prefer my cooking (yes I'm biased) over the cooking here. It's ok, but I miss American cooking with a passion.
Q: Is it expensive to live in Italy?
A: If you're living on the economy as a American citizen yes, I believe it's very expensive. Though produce markets here are relatively cheap, dining out here is ridiculously expensive. We really only go to a sushi restaurant about every 3 months or so and for both of us to order 4-5 things off the menu is about $70. Those items in the states would have cost us maybe $30. Rip off.
Q: What exactly does the military pay for?
A: The military pays for our house, medical/dental, utility allowance, and COLA (cost of living allowance for overseas.) But technically much of that comes out of Toph's paycheck.
Q: Where have you traveled while in Italy?
A: Not very much, lol. We've never left Italy. We chose to save our $$ and plan for our future.
Q: Aren't you going to regret never traveling while living abroad?
A: Not really. We just never got the travel bug. Sad to most, but like mentioned earlier, we had no intentions of living abroad. It's expensive to travel here.
Q: Why didn't you ever get a job there?
A: I actually tried for over a year to get a job. I applied for over 15 different positions and was unfortunately never hired. Degrees and certifications didn't mean ANYTHING as to why I wasn't hired. None of the jobs I applied for required a degree. There is over 2,000 dependents here all applying for virtually the same positions...it was too competitive. The last job I applied for and wasn't hired was because the dependent which was hired made cookies. Yep, a sad reason.
Q: You mention 220V...what's that?
A: Here in Europe 220V is the electricity used. 220 volts/50 hertz. In the states the electricity is 110 volts/60 hertz. Unless your appliances/electronics are dual voltage you will have to purchase 220 items or use your 110 items on a transformer. We chose not to use our 110 items on a transformer because the motor wears out faster. So all the appliances we were given at our wedding are still new in their boxes waiting to be used when we get to Mountain Home!!!
Q: What kind of camera do you shoot with?
A: I shoot with an entry level Canon T3i DSLR. I'm an amateur photographer (just started this year) and decided on this camera to begin with. The one thing I would change about this camera would be continuous auto focus. The T4i is when Canon started making continuous auto focus on their entry level cameras.
Q: New lens?
A: I just got the cheapest lens Canon makes, a 50mm 1.8. It was 100 bucks. I wanted something that would make the bokeh super creamy in the background. This is an awesome lens if you're wanting to step outside your comfort-zoned kit lens. It is however a prime lens meaning you can't zoom in or out without physically getting closer or farther away from your object. And using this on a crop sensor camera actually makes this lens an 80mm instead of a 50mm. I would LOVE a full framed camera...but not the $$$$ price tag.
Q: What do you use to edit your videos.
A: Windows Live Movie Maker. And I hate it, lol. It's great for just the basic stuff but if you're looking for voice overs, zooming in on a clip, etc. Definitely go with something more pro. iMovie is amazing. My next laptop (once this one kicks the dust) will be a MacBook Pro. I am beginning to despise PC's lol.
So that's a good amount of questions for ya all to read through! Please comment down below if you'd like me to answer some more questions in the near future!
Q: There seems to be not just one wedding date for you guys. Why is that?
A: You're right there isn't just one. According to the state of Washington our legal marriage date is September 21, 2011. However we "officially" wed in front of our friends and family on April 14, 2012.
Q: When did your husband Topher join the military?
A: Toph enlisted in the military in February 2009 however he waited until one of his top 3 job positions opened up and went to basic training in April 2011. Unfortunately his "join date" didn't count until he went to basic.
Q: Why did your husband enlist in the military?
A: Toph enlisted after realizing his current job was getting him no where. He knew he wanted to better himself for the future and earn a decent living. I couldn't be more proud of him because sometimes it takes a person years to realize their life isn't going anywhere.
Q: Why did your husband choose Italy as his first duty assignment?
A: Toph actually didn't choose Italy as his first assignment. Italy was chosen by the Air Force. Ironically he put nothing down for overseas bases, because he wanted to stay as close to his family as possible. The Air Force puts you where they want you, and where a job opening suitable for your rank is offered.
Q: So he didn't choose Mountain Home AFB in Idaho either?
A: Technically we chose Mountain Home AFB out of the bases that were offered to us at that time. Idaho was the only job opening that was close to both our families.
Q: Weren't you guys going to Japan earlier this year?
A: Yes we had orders to Japan however Toph chose to amend those orders because I wanted to continue furthering my education and to be close to our families. Living almost 6,000 miles away in Italy has been rough on both of us.
Q: Why do you hate Italy so much? It's a gorgeous country that many only dream of visiting.
A: We don't "hate" Italy. And "visiting" here is SO much different than "living" here. For me as a career-driven entrepreneur Italy was a major set back. Legally I cannot have a home business here since I do not posses a work visa. I am on a government affiliated mission visa. About 99.9% of the dependents here have a mission visa. I chose not to obtain a work visa here due to the 23% taxes I would have to pay, and losing my base privileges. Though there are some dependents here that continue to have a home business, I chose to shut mine down and not run the risk of being deported or ending up in the Italian jail for an associated amount of time. I also could not go to school for my desired major because it is not offered here on base. To visit here is wonderful because tourists don't become stuck in a rut of day-to-day life that just seems to drag on. Heck if I were to just "visit" here with no strings attached I would be more than willing to say I LOVE ITALY!
Q: What's the weather like in Italy?
A: It depends on which part of Italy you're wanting to know about. Here in Northeastern Italy it's humid almost year around. It rains almost year around as well. Summers are usually muggy and around mid eighties. The winters here are wet and cold with sometimes a dusting of snow. I usually tell people it's similar to the weather in the Pacific Northwest, but just crank up the humidity to 90%.
Q: What rank is your husband?
A: Toph tacked on Senior Airmen last November, so he is an E4 rank.
Q: We haven't heard you talk about the food in Italy very often...do you enjoy it?
A: Personally the food here is kinda bland. I cook homemade meals anywhere from 90-95% of the time (we rarely eat out) and I honestly prefer my cooking (yes I'm biased) over the cooking here. It's ok, but I miss American cooking with a passion.
Q: Is it expensive to live in Italy?
A: If you're living on the economy as a American citizen yes, I believe it's very expensive. Though produce markets here are relatively cheap, dining out here is ridiculously expensive. We really only go to a sushi restaurant about every 3 months or so and for both of us to order 4-5 things off the menu is about $70. Those items in the states would have cost us maybe $30. Rip off.
Q: What exactly does the military pay for?
A: The military pays for our house, medical/dental, utility allowance, and COLA (cost of living allowance for overseas.) But technically much of that comes out of Toph's paycheck.
Q: Where have you traveled while in Italy?
A: Not very much, lol. We've never left Italy. We chose to save our $$ and plan for our future.
Q: Aren't you going to regret never traveling while living abroad?
A: Not really. We just never got the travel bug. Sad to most, but like mentioned earlier, we had no intentions of living abroad. It's expensive to travel here.
Q: Why didn't you ever get a job there?
A: I actually tried for over a year to get a job. I applied for over 15 different positions and was unfortunately never hired. Degrees and certifications didn't mean ANYTHING as to why I wasn't hired. None of the jobs I applied for required a degree. There is over 2,000 dependents here all applying for virtually the same positions...it was too competitive. The last job I applied for and wasn't hired was because the dependent which was hired made cookies. Yep, a sad reason.
Q: You mention 220V...what's that?
A: Here in Europe 220V is the electricity used. 220 volts/50 hertz. In the states the electricity is 110 volts/60 hertz. Unless your appliances/electronics are dual voltage you will have to purchase 220 items or use your 110 items on a transformer. We chose not to use our 110 items on a transformer because the motor wears out faster. So all the appliances we were given at our wedding are still new in their boxes waiting to be used when we get to Mountain Home!!!
Q: What kind of camera do you shoot with?
A: I shoot with an entry level Canon T3i DSLR. I'm an amateur photographer (just started this year) and decided on this camera to begin with. The one thing I would change about this camera would be continuous auto focus. The T4i is when Canon started making continuous auto focus on their entry level cameras.
Q: New lens?
A: I just got the cheapest lens Canon makes, a 50mm 1.8. It was 100 bucks. I wanted something that would make the bokeh super creamy in the background. This is an awesome lens if you're wanting to step outside your comfort-zoned kit lens. It is however a prime lens meaning you can't zoom in or out without physically getting closer or farther away from your object. And using this on a crop sensor camera actually makes this lens an 80mm instead of a 50mm. I would LOVE a full framed camera...but not the $$$$ price tag.
Q: What do you use to edit your videos.
A: Windows Live Movie Maker. And I hate it, lol. It's great for just the basic stuff but if you're looking for voice overs, zooming in on a clip, etc. Definitely go with something more pro. iMovie is amazing. My next laptop (once this one kicks the dust) will be a MacBook Pro. I am beginning to despise PC's lol.
So that's a good amount of questions for ya all to read through! Please comment down below if you'd like me to answer some more questions in the near future!
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?
List of things I've accomplished on my typical Saturday:
So why do I feel like I've wasted the past 2 years of my life living overseas in a "beautiful" and "sought after" foreign country you ask?
Okie so here's a tad about myself. Just a little sprinkle of why me, K-dee isn't a lover of Italy, stay-at-home wife who doesn't have dinner ready on the table by 5pm, and always has a mountain full of dishes.
I cannot focus on one thing in particular for very long. My life is forever and always changing. I can't follow a routine, although I can make a habit out of something pretty quickly. I worry about more things than the average person worries about in their lifetime, and always wonder what people think of me. Yes, I am very conscious of my surroundings.
I had extremely high goals for myself before setting sail to live abroad with my husband, and had no idea just how much I would have to give/pay the price in order to say "I'm living in Italy" as my status symbol. Because for me Italy hasn't been a dream destination on my to-do list. Living in Italy has been pretty much the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life...seriously, honest Abe. I was very content living in my hometown, going to school, working on my personal goals, spending my summer working/volunteering on a regular basis. The desire to extend myself further beyond the United States never crossed my mind nor did it ever choose to cross it. Everything I mean everything changed when I left all I had ever known and came to live in Italy.
Through these past 2 years living here, breathing in this existence has made me feel like I'm on a continued extended vacation that never seems to end. I keep hoping this is some dream I just can't seem to shake myself out of but reality always brings me back to the real world. I can't help but think of what my life would be like if I wasn't chilling out over here being a paperweight most days.
I would have a job...probably not the same daycare job, but something I enjoy. The job market here on base is so freaking competitive that after applying for 15 different jobs, and 5 interviews later (with no actual bites) I decided enough was enough with that waste of time. I would also have my home-based business. Something which "legally isn't allowed" here in Italy because the locals are too proud to share the wealth. Home-based businesses range from free lancing to internet based. So that blows that.
And finally school. Yep, I had to literally quit school to come over here. The courses I requested to transfer didn't amount to the same "hours" which the college over here required. Plus I came to find out the only college I was able to apply to because "it had the best degree for my major" wasn't even an accredited school. So I was pretty much wasting my time with college over here. So there goes that.
Now do you understand why I am so filled with annoyance? It was one door after another that was slammed in my face...and I hated that feeling of staying stagnate. I have always been the type to move forward and have a plan for my goals. Being here, living this type of lifestyle so far away from reality puts my mind into a thick fog of confusion, distrust, and sadness. There are times where I feel scared about what direction my life is headed because there never seems like an end to the multiple times I sit on the couch watching YouTube videos day, after day, after day. What a hopeless and depressing life right?!?
Yeah, I'd have to agree.
So this is why I titled this post "Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?"
Because honestly, in more ways than one, I believe I have. Granted I felt like I got a big butt-kicking when I arrived over here, not knowing how to do laundry, wash dishes, fold clothes, make dinner, or play "Blow away" by A Fine Frenzy on the guitar. **And now I've mastered each and every one of those things!**
But I feel I've had more than enough time to self reflect. I've had too much. Too much in fact I'm beginning to feel like a dog instead of a cat (and you know how I feel about cats!) I know I drive my husband crazy always asking him what he's doing, wanting to go on walks, getting excited when we go for a ride in the car....you're starting to see a patter right? Yep, dog characteristics. What the heck?!?
So as I wind down these last few months of living in Italy (which seem like they're taking FOREVER!) I can only keep reminding myself that this isn't forever. That there IS a light to the end of this long and dark seemingly never-ending tunnel. That soon I'll be living in reality again and not some over-extended never ending vacation. Because I'm an ambitious individual who wants SO much more out of life besides placing a band aid of wine over the misery (I don't drink wine very much, if at all...this was a mere stereotype of many spouses here,) online catalog shopping (because the stores here on the economy are outrageously over-priced,) or having a baby to keep myself company (and you all know how I feel about kids.)
DISCLOSURE: If you are offended by any of these attributed stereotypes... #sorrynotsorry
- Sleep in....check!
- Eat breakfast....check!
- Watch my Youtube channels....check!
- Do some laundry....check!
- Play with the cats....check!
And think about what I could have been doing if I wasn't living overseas....check.
As the months draw down to us [finally] getting out of this place, I feel more and more like I've pretty much wasted the last 2 years of my life here just twiddling my thumbs and staring out the window.
For any of the friends I've made while over here in Italy take heart. I am VERY thrilled I met each and every one of you and do not regret our times spent together. This is more of a self reflection pertaining to my existence and why I chose one life over the other.
So why do I feel like I've wasted the past 2 years of my life living overseas in a "beautiful" and "sought after" foreign country you ask?
Okie so here's a tad about myself. Just a little sprinkle of why me, K-dee isn't a lover of Italy, stay-at-home wife who doesn't have dinner ready on the table by 5pm, and always has a mountain full of dishes.
I cannot focus on one thing in particular for very long. My life is forever and always changing. I can't follow a routine, although I can make a habit out of something pretty quickly. I worry about more things than the average person worries about in their lifetime, and always wonder what people think of me. Yes, I am very conscious of my surroundings.
I had extremely high goals for myself before setting sail to live abroad with my husband, and had no idea just how much I would have to give/pay the price in order to say "I'm living in Italy" as my status symbol. Because for me Italy hasn't been a dream destination on my to-do list. Living in Italy has been pretty much the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life...seriously, honest Abe. I was very content living in my hometown, going to school, working on my personal goals, spending my summer working/volunteering on a regular basis. The desire to extend myself further beyond the United States never crossed my mind nor did it ever choose to cross it. Everything I mean everything changed when I left all I had ever known and came to live in Italy.
Through these past 2 years living here, breathing in this existence has made me feel like I'm on a continued extended vacation that never seems to end. I keep hoping this is some dream I just can't seem to shake myself out of but reality always brings me back to the real world. I can't help but think of what my life would be like if I wasn't chilling out over here being a paperweight most days.
I would have a job...probably not the same daycare job, but something I enjoy. The job market here on base is so freaking competitive that after applying for 15 different jobs, and 5 interviews later (with no actual bites) I decided enough was enough with that waste of time. I would also have my home-based business. Something which "legally isn't allowed" here in Italy because the locals are too proud to share the wealth. Home-based businesses range from free lancing to internet based. So that blows that.
And finally school. Yep, I had to literally quit school to come over here. The courses I requested to transfer didn't amount to the same "hours" which the college over here required. Plus I came to find out the only college I was able to apply to because "it had the best degree for my major" wasn't even an accredited school. So I was pretty much wasting my time with college over here. So there goes that.
Now do you understand why I am so filled with annoyance? It was one door after another that was slammed in my face...and I hated that feeling of staying stagnate. I have always been the type to move forward and have a plan for my goals. Being here, living this type of lifestyle so far away from reality puts my mind into a thick fog of confusion, distrust, and sadness. There are times where I feel scared about what direction my life is headed because there never seems like an end to the multiple times I sit on the couch watching YouTube videos day, after day, after day. What a hopeless and depressing life right?!?
Yeah, I'd have to agree.
So this is why I titled this post "Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?"
Because honestly, in more ways than one, I believe I have. Granted I felt like I got a big butt-kicking when I arrived over here, not knowing how to do laundry, wash dishes, fold clothes, make dinner, or play "Blow away" by A Fine Frenzy on the guitar. **And now I've mastered each and every one of those things!**
But I feel I've had more than enough time to self reflect. I've had too much. Too much in fact I'm beginning to feel like a dog instead of a cat (and you know how I feel about cats!) I know I drive my husband crazy always asking him what he's doing, wanting to go on walks, getting excited when we go for a ride in the car....you're starting to see a patter right? Yep, dog characteristics. What the heck?!?
So as I wind down these last few months of living in Italy (which seem like they're taking FOREVER!) I can only keep reminding myself that this isn't forever. That there IS a light to the end of this long and dark seemingly never-ending tunnel. That soon I'll be living in reality again and not some over-extended never ending vacation. Because I'm an ambitious individual who wants SO much more out of life besides placing a band aid of wine over the misery (I don't drink wine very much, if at all...this was a mere stereotype of many spouses here,) online catalog shopping (because the stores here on the economy are outrageously over-priced,) or having a baby to keep myself company (and you all know how I feel about kids.)
DISCLOSURE: If you are offended by any of these attributed stereotypes... #sorrynotsorry
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Kadie Checks In: Health Update
So yesterday I posted an update on my personal Facebook wall explaining how happy and relieved I was to receive the best news [health wise] I had received in a very long time...like in a year. I also mentioned how I didn't want to go into too much detail on my wall, but after I posted my update I had numerous friends/family ask if everything with me was ok. So I thought, why not I share with the friends/family who would like to know what's been going on with me [health wise] over the past year.
I acknowledge I do not have to inform everyone, in fact I could keep my life updates to myself, but I'm the type of person who absolutely cannot keep these things bottled up in me and only leak certain information out to those who know me closely.
This post is not only to inform others about my health updates, but to also encourage others to keep their own health on track.
So onto my health update!
This whole craziness started over a year ago, in May 2013. I had been rather tired (pretty much when I moved to Italy with the 9 hour time difference, missing my family, etc.) and feeling a little blue every now and then. One of my friends asked me if I had ever had my thyroid levels checked. I said no, but my mom has had thyroid issues ever since I can remember, as well as her mother. My friend told me that thyroid issues can run in the family and to go have my thyroid checked. So I made an appointment and was able to be seen that next week. My (then) doctor (who was French) asked me all sorts of questions regarding my health. He asked if I had kids, was working, going to school, depressed, and if my husband was deployed. I answered no to every one of those questions except for the depressed part. I said I'm not completely and hopelessly depressed, but that I missed my family, my animals, and where I grew up. He understood but then made the assumption that I was bored at home and that attributed to my lack of energy. I was rather insulted because I don't find myself a completely lazy person who doesn't want to get up because she feels no purpose in life. I do in fact wake up each morning to greet the day.
So my doctor decided to have not only my thyroid levels checked but also my kidney and liver levels checked as well. I was more than willing to give all the blood they needed so I could finally put my feeling tired symptom at ease. Everyone I talked to said it was probably and undoubtedly my thyroid.
Two days later as I was editing a video I had been working on (while I was still in my PJ's and it was past noon) I received the phone call that would change the way I viewed my health forever. I answered the "no called id" call which was a nurse from the clinic. She asked if this was me and how I was doing. Yadda yadda yadda....the nurse then informed me that one of my levels (taken 2 days ago) was slightly lower than the normal range. I asked her which level it was and she said the four most shocking words I had ever heard, "Your white blood cell counts." I immediately froze. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I started to stutter. To keep the conversation going (because obviously it wasn't on my end) the nurse continued by explaining my levels weren't dangerously low but it is requested I have them retested in about 2 weeks. Trying to snap myself out of my shock phase I said "Ok" in a very weak and terrifying voice. The nurse then told me not to worry and to have a good day. I hung up the phone...and...I started bawling.
I immediately called Toph. He was at work but picked up the phone. Here I was bawling like a baby on the other end, so when Toph asked what's wrong, I pretty much filled him in on my levels and how I was thinking crazy thoughts, etc. Toph is a guy's guy. A man. He doesn't get shaken up about anything. He told me I needed take a deep breath and calm down. He said there is nothing wrong with me so I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He also told me not to Google anything.
But as many of you know I am a crazy cat lady, and you know that phrase "Curiosity killed the cat?" Well I didn't listen to my husband's request not to research anything and...I did. The moment I typed into Google "Low white blood cell counts" I had over 1 million hits. So many terminal or life threatening diseases popped up and I pretty much lost it. I immediately called Toph back (now basically wailing.) He sounded annoyed asking, "Now what's wrong." Through my breaks of sniffling I said "Why did I look on Google! There was all these diseases! Now I think I'm dying!" Toph then said, "I told you not to!" And then had to get off the phone because he had to get back to work. So there I was...alone with the two cats.
It was almost 7:00am back at my parent's house and my mom leaves for work around that time, so I decided to take the plunge and call my mom. I call my mom about everything going on with my life, and this was one of those times where I had to hear her voice. I told her about my lower levels, how I used Google and now thought I was dying. I told her how I was so scared and how I just wanted to go home. I told her I wanted to be with her. She said I didn't need to worry and that I was going to be perfectly fine. She said I probably had a "silly bug" that caused my levels to be a little out of whack, and to not let this get to me (which unfortunately it already had.) Then she said she had to head out for work, but that I could call her later.
So there I was sitting on the floor in our hallway, curled in the fetal position, alone...well, the cats were with me. All these crazy thoughts running through my head.
The next 2 days felt like I was sailing through a wild ocean. My emotions were so fragile, even just looking at my husband made me burst into tears. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep, and even Facebook wasn't helping (shocker.) Toph kept telling me I wasn't sick because I hadn't been sick in so long. The last time I was "sick" was when I had a silly sore throat earlier that year, the same time he had a massive head cold. He was sick for 2 weeks (and taking antibiotics) while I was sick for 4 days (and didn't take anything.)
Fast forward about 2 weeks later. I had scheduled to have my levels retested and was hoping for better news. It was now the beginning of June and I was planning to go back to the states to see my family for a while (since I hadn't seen them in over a year.) Toph was going on a month long TDY and I didn't want to stay by myself for an entire month so I thought this would be the perfect time to leave for a while. So I went in the day of my appointment, got my blood drawn, and went back our house. I tried to keep my mind off of the potential phone call, and kept thinking positive thoughts. I knew I had to be brave not only for myself, but also for my husband (who enjoys being around a happy wife) and also our kitties (who feed off of positive energy.)
A few days after my levels retest I received a phone call (rather earlier in the morning...yes I was still in bed) from the clinic. It was a nurse with my test results. She said that my white cell counts were looking better (than before) and the doctor wanted to see me back in 2 months for a retest. I don't think I had ever been so relieved about something like this in such a long time! I immediately called Toph and told him my new results. He said "I told you there was nothing to worry about!" So I went back to sleep (yes I really did) until my initial wake up time about 2 hours later.
So now we are here today in August 2014. About 3 days ago I started having symptoms of a UTI so I called the nurse advice line (unfortunately here at Aviano there is no emergency room on base) because I didn't feel this was an emergency, and didn't want to have to lug myself and Toph all the way down to the Pordenone hospital at 10:00pm. The nurse asked me what my symptoms were, and told me that's what I probably had. She told me to drink plenty of water and to make an appointment with my doctor within 24 hours. That entire night in between drinking water and going to the bathroom (which I was in pain) I was physically exhausted. This same day I found out the actor Robin Williams had passed away, so I was dealing with that shock as well. Toph and I watched Hook (one of our favorite movies) to remember the late actor by and also to keep my mind off of my peeing situation.
The next day I made an appointment (which thankfully I could do a walk-in) and made my way to the clinic. I did the requested urinalysis and went back home. We had a TMO briefing that afternoon, so we decided to go to base a bit earlier to the commissary to grab something to eat. As we were eating our lunch in the car, Toph's phone began to rang. He answered it and handed the phone to me. On the other end was a nurse who had my results back from my urinalysis I had done earlier. She said there was no evidence of a UTI however there was protein found in my urine, which was concerning. She requested I come in for another urinalysis the next day. She also requested I really push the fluids (drink as much water as possible.)
After the TMO briefing Toph and I went back home and I started binge drinking...on water! I drank and drank....by the end of the night (around midnight) I had drank about 3 liters of water. The most I think I have ever drank in a day (very sad I know!)
So the next day bright and early Toph and I went in for another urinalysis. I tried my hardest not to use the bathroom before the test because I knew the most accurate reading would be with the most concentrated urine sample. So after my test I waited with Toph until I was called back. About 10 minutes later I was called back to a patient room where my heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature were all checked (the norm.) The airmen performing all of this was surprised at how fast my heart rate was going, so I told him I was really nervous. He asked why and I said, "Oh because whenever I go see the doctor there's usually something wrong with me." I was holding back tears trying to be brave. He saw I was fighting tears and said, "You don't have to worry, it's going to be alright." He then left and I waited for the doctor to come in. I swear I waited almost 20 minutes, but was finally greeted with a new doctor who seemed very jolly and comforting. We talked about what was going on with me, my UTI symptoms, etc. He was a little concerned that the last urinalysis (done yesterday) showed no evidence of a UTI, but only protein, so he said he was hoping this next test would show that I had a UTI since I had most if not all of the symptoms of one. He then proceeded to go to the Lab Dept. to see if my urinalysis was complete. I could have counted to 20 before my doctor came back in the room with a relieved look on his face saying I indeed had a UTI. He then told me that was the cause of the protein in my urine.
I can't really remember how I brought up the subject of my blood test results but I think it was brought up by me mentioning how my lower back had been hurting. He asked if the middle of my back had been hurting and I said no just my lower back. I said my mom had just been tested for a vitamin D deficiency and maybe that was the cause of my lower back symptoms. I had also mentioned that last year in May my prior doctor had my thyroid, liver, and kidneys tested. My current doctor was intrigued, so he pulled up my chart on the computer. He said everything looked completely normal until he saw my white cell counts which were slightly lower than normal, but then the raised in that 2 week period (when I went in to be retested.)
Now this is the part of the story that takes a slightly scary turn for me.
Earlier this year in January Toph, myself, and some of our buddies went up the mountain on an 8 mile hike. I took tons of pictures, and overall we had a great day. By the end of the hike I had pretty much considered myself a cripple because my left knee was aching so bad. I waited a good 2 weeks, and when I noticed my knee not healing I went into the clinic. My doctor said it was just a minor injury which can take up to a month to heal, and also did a blood test on me. I did not receive a call back on the test, so I assumed everything was good.
Back to story where my doctor was looking at my recent chart. After he read my white cell counts had risen the 2 weeks after my initial test (last May) he then saw my results from this past January. My white cell counts had lowered again. Not as low as the first initial test, but they weren't in the "normal" range anymore. I froze. I had so many questions popping up in my head like, "Why didn't I receive a phone call about this?" and "What does this mean?" etc. My doctor wasn't terribly concerned but said he'd like to get my blood retested just to see where my levels were now. I was so scared. I was shaking. I started asking a ton of questions, and almost started crying. My doctor told me there are all kinds of reasons why my white cell count was slightly lower than the normal range. But getting this tested now was important just in case there was something going on, it would be caught early rather than too late.
So after going to the pharmacy and getting my prescriptions for my UTI, I then waited at the Lab so I could have my blood drawn and tested. Then Toph and I went back home.
I pretty much wanted to crawl up in a hole, bury myself, and watch YouTube videos forever. I tried to sleep (because I was so tired from the day prior) but couldn't. I had too much on my mind. Like what if my white cell counts were still lower than normal. What if I needed to go into the clinic for further testing. What if I had to have an MRI done, or a CT scan performed? What if I had a terminal illness? Yep, my mind goes to those dark places when I think something's wrong with me. I'm a hypochondriac by nature. Always have and probably always will be. I've had so many people tell me I should be a doctor because I know a lot about different diseases and such (like text book definitions.) I always tell them no because then I'll think everything is wrong with me.
As I was trying to get my mind off of a variety of illnesses, my phone started buzzing. I froze. I turned my phone over and it said "No caller ID." I knew that was the clinic. I knew it was my test results. In the seconds leading up to my finger swiping the answer button I pretty much saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw me, Kadie playing with my Barbie dolls on my bed. I saw numerous family pictures from when I was little. I saw myself at fair, all those years of showing animals then being a 4-H leader and the Goat Superintendent. I saw myself playing my guitar on stage at the local talent show. I saw Toph and the day we were married in front of all our family and friends. But the most memorable flash I saw was of me, Toph, and our own kids. Both our families, together.
I pulled myself together and answered the phone. It was my doctor. He said he had my test results back. He said that my white cell counts were in the very normal range and he was very pleased with the number. He then said he would like me to get retested in 6 months to make sure my levels were still in the normal range.
This was music to my ears. I graciously said thank you so much, and to have a wonderful day. After I hung up the phone I started bawling. These weren't tears of sorrow but tears of joy. I immediately ran into Toph's office (where he plays his computer games) and told him the good news through my blubbery but happy tear stricken face. He said, "Babe I told you everything was going to be ok! You're healthy and you always were." Oh men. I love that my husband isn't the type to go on and on...he just makes it short and sweet.
I then posted my good news (not in detail) on my Facebook wall.
So now here I am today. I felt I had to tell (in very great detail) about my health life the past year and a half, so all of you can understand just what the heck is going on with me. I know my health scare wasn't completely horrible, and for many others there are far worse health scares they have had to encounter. For me this was the scariest situation I have ever had to face [health wise] in my whole entire life. I have always been relatively healthy growing up. I never had to encounter an overnight hospital visit, a surgery to remove something life threatening, or a scan to make sure I was not ailing a certain disease. I grew up worry free until I moved to Italy. Now I'm not blaming Italy for my health issues, but more over the stress I've had to encounter with living overseas in a foreign country, without my parents, and my husband of an official week. I'm not going to lie it was HARD. I was SAD. I was STRESSED. But I did it! I conquered living abroad for the amount of time requested on my husband's tour.
So now where do I go? Right now I'm currently on antibiotics for my UTI. I plan to have my blood retested in 6 months. But I'm not looking that far into the future. I don't want to think about that. Right now my health is good and I'm planning on believing it will stay that way. You have to be brave and think positive thoughts in order to have positive outlook on life. I'm not going to lie it's not hard [for me] to think about the bad things that could have happened if I received bad news from my last blood test. All I know is I am not alone. There are thousands of people in this world who are faced with the challenges in their own life, and what are many of those people doing? They're conquering their fears. They're getting out of bed and greeting the day. They're not thinking about what is ailing them but what is keeping them alive.
I have to remember to keep my positive thoughts strong and remind myself I AM healthy!! I am living and I am THRIVING! There is someone amazingly wonderful up there who is looking down on me. My time to go won't be for a VERY long time!! Life is beautiful, and we all need to live our lives not like it's our last day, but live our lives how we want to live them. To cherish the unforgettable moments. To savior the beautiful memories. To hold the love for ourselves and others in our hearts.
I acknowledge I do not have to inform everyone, in fact I could keep my life updates to myself, but I'm the type of person who absolutely cannot keep these things bottled up in me and only leak certain information out to those who know me closely.
This post is not only to inform others about my health updates, but to also encourage others to keep their own health on track.
So onto my health update!
This whole craziness started over a year ago, in May 2013. I had been rather tired (pretty much when I moved to Italy with the 9 hour time difference, missing my family, etc.) and feeling a little blue every now and then. One of my friends asked me if I had ever had my thyroid levels checked. I said no, but my mom has had thyroid issues ever since I can remember, as well as her mother. My friend told me that thyroid issues can run in the family and to go have my thyroid checked. So I made an appointment and was able to be seen that next week. My (then) doctor (who was French) asked me all sorts of questions regarding my health. He asked if I had kids, was working, going to school, depressed, and if my husband was deployed. I answered no to every one of those questions except for the depressed part. I said I'm not completely and hopelessly depressed, but that I missed my family, my animals, and where I grew up. He understood but then made the assumption that I was bored at home and that attributed to my lack of energy. I was rather insulted because I don't find myself a completely lazy person who doesn't want to get up because she feels no purpose in life. I do in fact wake up each morning to greet the day.
So my doctor decided to have not only my thyroid levels checked but also my kidney and liver levels checked as well. I was more than willing to give all the blood they needed so I could finally put my feeling tired symptom at ease. Everyone I talked to said it was probably and undoubtedly my thyroid.
Two days later as I was editing a video I had been working on (while I was still in my PJ's and it was past noon) I received the phone call that would change the way I viewed my health forever. I answered the "no called id" call which was a nurse from the clinic. She asked if this was me and how I was doing. Yadda yadda yadda....the nurse then informed me that one of my levels (taken 2 days ago) was slightly lower than the normal range. I asked her which level it was and she said the four most shocking words I had ever heard, "Your white blood cell counts." I immediately froze. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I started to stutter. To keep the conversation going (because obviously it wasn't on my end) the nurse continued by explaining my levels weren't dangerously low but it is requested I have them retested in about 2 weeks. Trying to snap myself out of my shock phase I said "Ok" in a very weak and terrifying voice. The nurse then told me not to worry and to have a good day. I hung up the phone...and...I started bawling.
I immediately called Toph. He was at work but picked up the phone. Here I was bawling like a baby on the other end, so when Toph asked what's wrong, I pretty much filled him in on my levels and how I was thinking crazy thoughts, etc. Toph is a guy's guy. A man. He doesn't get shaken up about anything. He told me I needed take a deep breath and calm down. He said there is nothing wrong with me so I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He also told me not to Google anything.
But as many of you know I am a crazy cat lady, and you know that phrase "Curiosity killed the cat?" Well I didn't listen to my husband's request not to research anything and...I did. The moment I typed into Google "Low white blood cell counts" I had over 1 million hits. So many terminal or life threatening diseases popped up and I pretty much lost it. I immediately called Toph back (now basically wailing.) He sounded annoyed asking, "Now what's wrong." Through my breaks of sniffling I said "Why did I look on Google! There was all these diseases! Now I think I'm dying!" Toph then said, "I told you not to!" And then had to get off the phone because he had to get back to work. So there I was...alone with the two cats.
It was almost 7:00am back at my parent's house and my mom leaves for work around that time, so I decided to take the plunge and call my mom. I call my mom about everything going on with my life, and this was one of those times where I had to hear her voice. I told her about my lower levels, how I used Google and now thought I was dying. I told her how I was so scared and how I just wanted to go home. I told her I wanted to be with her. She said I didn't need to worry and that I was going to be perfectly fine. She said I probably had a "silly bug" that caused my levels to be a little out of whack, and to not let this get to me (which unfortunately it already had.) Then she said she had to head out for work, but that I could call her later.
So there I was sitting on the floor in our hallway, curled in the fetal position, alone...well, the cats were with me. All these crazy thoughts running through my head.
The next 2 days felt like I was sailing through a wild ocean. My emotions were so fragile, even just looking at my husband made me burst into tears. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep, and even Facebook wasn't helping (shocker.) Toph kept telling me I wasn't sick because I hadn't been sick in so long. The last time I was "sick" was when I had a silly sore throat earlier that year, the same time he had a massive head cold. He was sick for 2 weeks (and taking antibiotics) while I was sick for 4 days (and didn't take anything.)
Fast forward about 2 weeks later. I had scheduled to have my levels retested and was hoping for better news. It was now the beginning of June and I was planning to go back to the states to see my family for a while (since I hadn't seen them in over a year.) Toph was going on a month long TDY and I didn't want to stay by myself for an entire month so I thought this would be the perfect time to leave for a while. So I went in the day of my appointment, got my blood drawn, and went back our house. I tried to keep my mind off of the potential phone call, and kept thinking positive thoughts. I knew I had to be brave not only for myself, but also for my husband (who enjoys being around a happy wife) and also our kitties (who feed off of positive energy.)
A few days after my levels retest I received a phone call (rather earlier in the morning...yes I was still in bed) from the clinic. It was a nurse with my test results. She said that my white cell counts were looking better (than before) and the doctor wanted to see me back in 2 months for a retest. I don't think I had ever been so relieved about something like this in such a long time! I immediately called Toph and told him my new results. He said "I told you there was nothing to worry about!" So I went back to sleep (yes I really did) until my initial wake up time about 2 hours later.
So now we are here today in August 2014. About 3 days ago I started having symptoms of a UTI so I called the nurse advice line (unfortunately here at Aviano there is no emergency room on base) because I didn't feel this was an emergency, and didn't want to have to lug myself and Toph all the way down to the Pordenone hospital at 10:00pm. The nurse asked me what my symptoms were, and told me that's what I probably had. She told me to drink plenty of water and to make an appointment with my doctor within 24 hours. That entire night in between drinking water and going to the bathroom (which I was in pain) I was physically exhausted. This same day I found out the actor Robin Williams had passed away, so I was dealing with that shock as well. Toph and I watched Hook (one of our favorite movies) to remember the late actor by and also to keep my mind off of my peeing situation.
The next day I made an appointment (which thankfully I could do a walk-in) and made my way to the clinic. I did the requested urinalysis and went back home. We had a TMO briefing that afternoon, so we decided to go to base a bit earlier to the commissary to grab something to eat. As we were eating our lunch in the car, Toph's phone began to rang. He answered it and handed the phone to me. On the other end was a nurse who had my results back from my urinalysis I had done earlier. She said there was no evidence of a UTI however there was protein found in my urine, which was concerning. She requested I come in for another urinalysis the next day. She also requested I really push the fluids (drink as much water as possible.)
After the TMO briefing Toph and I went back home and I started binge drinking...on water! I drank and drank....by the end of the night (around midnight) I had drank about 3 liters of water. The most I think I have ever drank in a day (very sad I know!)
So the next day bright and early Toph and I went in for another urinalysis. I tried my hardest not to use the bathroom before the test because I knew the most accurate reading would be with the most concentrated urine sample. So after my test I waited with Toph until I was called back. About 10 minutes later I was called back to a patient room where my heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature were all checked (the norm.) The airmen performing all of this was surprised at how fast my heart rate was going, so I told him I was really nervous. He asked why and I said, "Oh because whenever I go see the doctor there's usually something wrong with me." I was holding back tears trying to be brave. He saw I was fighting tears and said, "You don't have to worry, it's going to be alright." He then left and I waited for the doctor to come in. I swear I waited almost 20 minutes, but was finally greeted with a new doctor who seemed very jolly and comforting. We talked about what was going on with me, my UTI symptoms, etc. He was a little concerned that the last urinalysis (done yesterday) showed no evidence of a UTI, but only protein, so he said he was hoping this next test would show that I had a UTI since I had most if not all of the symptoms of one. He then proceeded to go to the Lab Dept. to see if my urinalysis was complete. I could have counted to 20 before my doctor came back in the room with a relieved look on his face saying I indeed had a UTI. He then told me that was the cause of the protein in my urine.
I can't really remember how I brought up the subject of my blood test results but I think it was brought up by me mentioning how my lower back had been hurting. He asked if the middle of my back had been hurting and I said no just my lower back. I said my mom had just been tested for a vitamin D deficiency and maybe that was the cause of my lower back symptoms. I had also mentioned that last year in May my prior doctor had my thyroid, liver, and kidneys tested. My current doctor was intrigued, so he pulled up my chart on the computer. He said everything looked completely normal until he saw my white cell counts which were slightly lower than normal, but then the raised in that 2 week period (when I went in to be retested.)
Now this is the part of the story that takes a slightly scary turn for me.
Earlier this year in January Toph, myself, and some of our buddies went up the mountain on an 8 mile hike. I took tons of pictures, and overall we had a great day. By the end of the hike I had pretty much considered myself a cripple because my left knee was aching so bad. I waited a good 2 weeks, and when I noticed my knee not healing I went into the clinic. My doctor said it was just a minor injury which can take up to a month to heal, and also did a blood test on me. I did not receive a call back on the test, so I assumed everything was good.
Back to story where my doctor was looking at my recent chart. After he read my white cell counts had risen the 2 weeks after my initial test (last May) he then saw my results from this past January. My white cell counts had lowered again. Not as low as the first initial test, but they weren't in the "normal" range anymore. I froze. I had so many questions popping up in my head like, "Why didn't I receive a phone call about this?" and "What does this mean?" etc. My doctor wasn't terribly concerned but said he'd like to get my blood retested just to see where my levels were now. I was so scared. I was shaking. I started asking a ton of questions, and almost started crying. My doctor told me there are all kinds of reasons why my white cell count was slightly lower than the normal range. But getting this tested now was important just in case there was something going on, it would be caught early rather than too late.
So after going to the pharmacy and getting my prescriptions for my UTI, I then waited at the Lab so I could have my blood drawn and tested. Then Toph and I went back home.
I pretty much wanted to crawl up in a hole, bury myself, and watch YouTube videos forever. I tried to sleep (because I was so tired from the day prior) but couldn't. I had too much on my mind. Like what if my white cell counts were still lower than normal. What if I needed to go into the clinic for further testing. What if I had to have an MRI done, or a CT scan performed? What if I had a terminal illness? Yep, my mind goes to those dark places when I think something's wrong with me. I'm a hypochondriac by nature. Always have and probably always will be. I've had so many people tell me I should be a doctor because I know a lot about different diseases and such (like text book definitions.) I always tell them no because then I'll think everything is wrong with me.
As I was trying to get my mind off of a variety of illnesses, my phone started buzzing. I froze. I turned my phone over and it said "No caller ID." I knew that was the clinic. I knew it was my test results. In the seconds leading up to my finger swiping the answer button I pretty much saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw me, Kadie playing with my Barbie dolls on my bed. I saw numerous family pictures from when I was little. I saw myself at fair, all those years of showing animals then being a 4-H leader and the Goat Superintendent. I saw myself playing my guitar on stage at the local talent show. I saw Toph and the day we were married in front of all our family and friends. But the most memorable flash I saw was of me, Toph, and our own kids. Both our families, together.
I pulled myself together and answered the phone. It was my doctor. He said he had my test results back. He said that my white cell counts were in the very normal range and he was very pleased with the number. He then said he would like me to get retested in 6 months to make sure my levels were still in the normal range.
This was music to my ears. I graciously said thank you so much, and to have a wonderful day. After I hung up the phone I started bawling. These weren't tears of sorrow but tears of joy. I immediately ran into Toph's office (where he plays his computer games) and told him the good news through my blubbery but happy tear stricken face. He said, "Babe I told you everything was going to be ok! You're healthy and you always were." Oh men. I love that my husband isn't the type to go on and on...he just makes it short and sweet.
I then posted my good news (not in detail) on my Facebook wall.
So now here I am today. I felt I had to tell (in very great detail) about my health life the past year and a half, so all of you can understand just what the heck is going on with me. I know my health scare wasn't completely horrible, and for many others there are far worse health scares they have had to encounter. For me this was the scariest situation I have ever had to face [health wise] in my whole entire life. I have always been relatively healthy growing up. I never had to encounter an overnight hospital visit, a surgery to remove something life threatening, or a scan to make sure I was not ailing a certain disease. I grew up worry free until I moved to Italy. Now I'm not blaming Italy for my health issues, but more over the stress I've had to encounter with living overseas in a foreign country, without my parents, and my husband of an official week. I'm not going to lie it was HARD. I was SAD. I was STRESSED. But I did it! I conquered living abroad for the amount of time requested on my husband's tour.
So now where do I go? Right now I'm currently on antibiotics for my UTI. I plan to have my blood retested in 6 months. But I'm not looking that far into the future. I don't want to think about that. Right now my health is good and I'm planning on believing it will stay that way. You have to be brave and think positive thoughts in order to have positive outlook on life. I'm not going to lie it's not hard [for me] to think about the bad things that could have happened if I received bad news from my last blood test. All I know is I am not alone. There are thousands of people in this world who are faced with the challenges in their own life, and what are many of those people doing? They're conquering their fears. They're getting out of bed and greeting the day. They're not thinking about what is ailing them but what is keeping them alive.
I have to remember to keep my positive thoughts strong and remind myself I AM healthy!! I am living and I am THRIVING! There is someone amazingly wonderful up there who is looking down on me. My time to go won't be for a VERY long time!! Life is beautiful, and we all need to live our lives not like it's our last day, but live our lives how we want to live them. To cherish the unforgettable moments. To savior the beautiful memories. To hold the love for ourselves and others in our hearts.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
First Day of Summer and Feeling Like I'm Being Punished
Happy first day of Summer 2014 yo!
I am ever so happy to get into the warmer weather here in Italy after the horrendous months of numb to the bone fingers and toes, and wrapped up in 3 layers of clothing plus more blankets. That was not fun. The reason why we chose not to turn on our heat you ask? Because we were not going to be paying those lovely $1,300 heating bills every 3 months! So, while basically everyone else here in Italy turned up the heat and paid outrageous bills, we chose to freeze in a 53* F house. Yep, we suffered.
So now you understand why I'm more than ever ecstatic about having warmer weather again! Although in Northeastern Italy it's muggy and humid, I'd rather be sticky and hot than miserable and chilled to the bone any day!
So now onto the other other part of the title. Why do I feel like I'm being punished? This topic has sprinkled itself many times in my blog, but I want to talk about it some more. I feel like I'm being punished more times over none because I don't have children. Don't get me wrong, being a mother is one of the hardest, if not the hardest job on this Earth, but why should the women that do not have children (me) feel like I'm being punished because I'm choosing not to bring another human being into this world?
I work hard too. My work may not be a labor intensive or need the patience that being a mom needs, but that doesn't mean that the non-moms just sit back on their tushes doing jack nothing.
I will admit being here in Italy has created more than enough time for me to self-reflect and actually find myself. I can say I'm no longer in a "mind fog" where I'm multi-taking to the world's end anymore. I just hate when people ask me "What do you do with all your time since you don't work, you don't go to school, and you have no children?" "I would go absolutely insane!"
Well, if you haven't lived in my shoes then you wouldn't know that I have gone insane here and became mildly depressed because I wasn't able to accomplish everything that I set my mind to while living overseas. I said it once and I'll say it again. Living abroad isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Especially if you're an ambitious person like myself. There are many drawbacks to my career field and my lifestyle.
So back onto the subject because once again I've gone off kilter! Since this base is swarming with more parents of children than there are of just couples, it's hard to find friends who are childless like myself. But I have managed to find a few hiding in the corners here. That's what the childless wives mostly do. We keep to ourselves.
I just feel I'm at a disadvantage once again with my life and because I've chosen the no kid path. I hate when people think it's the end of the world because I don't feel stable enough to raise a human. I know I have my husband to help me, but let's be honest, I can barely take care of our cats. And I love them to the moon and back. So what would make a child any different?
I realize it's my choice. But this choice shouldn't have the consequences of having heads turned and looked down upon because I feel like I should have a say in something or receive gratification for a well-done job I completed. I feel that moms get so much more gratification on the exact same thing because they also had to look after a child. It's called multi-tasking and we as women are supposed to have that capability.
So to all the moms out there. I give you all a huge high-five that you can take care of your children as well as accomplishing daily chores/tasks. Because apparently all of my accomplishments aren't worth a CENT because I haven't gotten on board the mommy train.
I am ever so happy to get into the warmer weather here in Italy after the horrendous months of numb to the bone fingers and toes, and wrapped up in 3 layers of clothing plus more blankets. That was not fun. The reason why we chose not to turn on our heat you ask? Because we were not going to be paying those lovely $1,300 heating bills every 3 months! So, while basically everyone else here in Italy turned up the heat and paid outrageous bills, we chose to freeze in a 53* F house. Yep, we suffered.
So now you understand why I'm more than ever ecstatic about having warmer weather again! Although in Northeastern Italy it's muggy and humid, I'd rather be sticky and hot than miserable and chilled to the bone any day!
So now onto the other other part of the title. Why do I feel like I'm being punished? This topic has sprinkled itself many times in my blog, but I want to talk about it some more. I feel like I'm being punished more times over none because I don't have children. Don't get me wrong, being a mother is one of the hardest, if not the hardest job on this Earth, but why should the women that do not have children (me) feel like I'm being punished because I'm choosing not to bring another human being into this world?
I work hard too. My work may not be a labor intensive or need the patience that being a mom needs, but that doesn't mean that the non-moms just sit back on their tushes doing jack nothing.
I will admit being here in Italy has created more than enough time for me to self-reflect and actually find myself. I can say I'm no longer in a "mind fog" where I'm multi-taking to the world's end anymore. I just hate when people ask me "What do you do with all your time since you don't work, you don't go to school, and you have no children?" "I would go absolutely insane!"
Well, if you haven't lived in my shoes then you wouldn't know that I have gone insane here and became mildly depressed because I wasn't able to accomplish everything that I set my mind to while living overseas. I said it once and I'll say it again. Living abroad isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Especially if you're an ambitious person like myself. There are many drawbacks to my career field and my lifestyle.
So back onto the subject because once again I've gone off kilter! Since this base is swarming with more parents of children than there are of just couples, it's hard to find friends who are childless like myself. But I have managed to find a few hiding in the corners here. That's what the childless wives mostly do. We keep to ourselves.
I just feel I'm at a disadvantage once again with my life and because I've chosen the no kid path. I hate when people think it's the end of the world because I don't feel stable enough to raise a human. I know I have my husband to help me, but let's be honest, I can barely take care of our cats. And I love them to the moon and back. So what would make a child any different?
I realize it's my choice. But this choice shouldn't have the consequences of having heads turned and looked down upon because I feel like I should have a say in something or receive gratification for a well-done job I completed. I feel that moms get so much more gratification on the exact same thing because they also had to look after a child. It's called multi-tasking and we as women are supposed to have that capability.
So to all the moms out there. I give you all a huge high-five that you can take care of your children as well as accomplishing daily chores/tasks. Because apparently all of my accomplishments aren't worth a CENT because I haven't gotten on board the mommy train.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
The Dream that's becoming a Reality!
Hello again!
If you've been keeping up with my blog posts you have undoubtedly read where we'll be headed to next in this crazy military life we're currently living at the moment. If this is your first time reading a post from my blog have no fear, I will inform you all our next base we'll be headed to is Mountain Home Air Force Base in Idaho. Yep we're traveling half-way around the world back to the good ole' You Ess of Aye (USA) and living among English-speaking locals again (thank goodness.)
No joke, I have been counting down the months until we are out of this place. Sorry to all those who have dreamed of living in Italy. Coming from a gal who's lived here going on two and half years, the picture created in many people's minds of "Hollywood-zed" Italy is just really that. It's honestly not as awesome as in the pictures. Then again I'm living in Northern Italy, so maybe all the hype is in the Southern tip. Don't know and honestly don't care. I'm just ready to get the flock out of here.
So as the months have dwindled down to just a few, I'm getting more and more excited. My dream of re starting my home-based business again, finally finishing school, and being able to work on the economy again are things I've loathed since finding out all my ambitions were pretty much crushed because I'm an American citizen dependent. Italy is definitely not for the ambitious, career-driven type of women. Once again, sorry to all those who have dreamed of living in Italy.
I guess I have to say I'm very glad my significant other, my husband is right along with me. He acknowledges and understands how difficult this stay-at-home housewife/homemaker status is taking its toll on me. Because when we were dating I was a very driven, almost college grad, work-a-holic, volunteered my time sorta gal. And now having bottom loads of free time that's completely driving me crazy (and NO I will not be having children to fill in the free time thank you very much!) I've been watching a ton of YouTube tutorials, blogging, taking pictures, and watching Netflix. Because there's really NOTHING to do!
I also dream. I dream about our future life in Idaho. I dream about our American style house. With closets. I dream about working again and going back to college to finish my degree. I dream about having some chickens and getting back into farming. I dream about volunteering with 4-H again.
But most of all I dream about being close to my family again. I miss them more and more each day, and it breaks my heart at times when I can't be there for a special moment on the farm.
I realize this is the life of a military spouse, so I've got to pull up my big girl panties and just deal with it. Which I have the past 2 1/2 years. Now it's my turn to live my life the way I want to live it as a married woman. So look out Idaho come this fall because we're going to be coming your way!
If you've been keeping up with my blog posts you have undoubtedly read where we'll be headed to next in this crazy military life we're currently living at the moment. If this is your first time reading a post from my blog have no fear, I will inform you all our next base we'll be headed to is Mountain Home Air Force Base in Idaho. Yep we're traveling half-way around the world back to the good ole' You Ess of Aye (USA) and living among English-speaking locals again (thank goodness.)
No joke, I have been counting down the months until we are out of this place. Sorry to all those who have dreamed of living in Italy. Coming from a gal who's lived here going on two and half years, the picture created in many people's minds of "Hollywood-zed" Italy is just really that. It's honestly not as awesome as in the pictures. Then again I'm living in Northern Italy, so maybe all the hype is in the Southern tip. Don't know and honestly don't care. I'm just ready to get the flock out of here.
So as the months have dwindled down to just a few, I'm getting more and more excited. My dream of re starting my home-based business again, finally finishing school, and being able to work on the economy again are things I've loathed since finding out all my ambitions were pretty much crushed because I'm an American citizen dependent. Italy is definitely not for the ambitious, career-driven type of women. Once again, sorry to all those who have dreamed of living in Italy.
I guess I have to say I'm very glad my significant other, my husband is right along with me. He acknowledges and understands how difficult this stay-at-home housewife/homemaker status is taking its toll on me. Because when we were dating I was a very driven, almost college grad, work-a-holic, volunteered my time sorta gal. And now having bottom loads of free time that's completely driving me crazy (and NO I will not be having children to fill in the free time thank you very much!) I've been watching a ton of YouTube tutorials, blogging, taking pictures, and watching Netflix. Because there's really NOTHING to do!
I also dream. I dream about our future life in Idaho. I dream about our American style house. With closets. I dream about working again and going back to college to finish my degree. I dream about having some chickens and getting back into farming. I dream about volunteering with 4-H again.
But most of all I dream about being close to my family again. I miss them more and more each day, and it breaks my heart at times when I can't be there for a special moment on the farm.
I realize this is the life of a military spouse, so I've got to pull up my big girl panties and just deal with it. Which I have the past 2 1/2 years. Now it's my turn to live my life the way I want to live it as a married woman. So look out Idaho come this fall because we're going to be coming your way!
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Still Not Ready
Yesterday was a bit of an emotional day. More of the positive emotions over the negative ones, however I still cried.
Yesterday I visited my good friend and her husband at the base clinic (hospital) on base because the day before was and forever will be one of the biggest day in their lives. Their beautiful twin (yes I said twin) baby boys arrived. Wow! Twins!
My friend asked if I'd like to come and see them and I jumped at the chance. I haven't seen a newborn baby in like, forever. Shocker right?
To start off my journey to see the twins I attempted to make my way into the hospital. Attempt One: Fail. Attempt Two: Message my exhausted friend explaining her problematic friend (me) was having issues making my way into the hospital. Attempt Three: Finally entering the hospital but going to the wrong floor...apparently the "second floor" to the Italians actually means the number "1" in the elevator.
I don't think I'll ever understand Europe/Italy.
After making a few wrong turns and going down a floor, I was greeted by my friend's husband who led me to their room.
Immediately I could feel the essence in the room as calm, relaxed, and new with life. It was a great emotion to feel. And then I saw one of their twins. So little. So precious. So new and so innocent. My friend and her husband were grinning ear to ear. They were so proud of their new little family and their mark on the world of life. And I was so proud of them.
They were absolutely beautiful. Even the names my friend and her husband picked out were so unique and really shed light on the personal level of their marriage and relationship. The first little guy I saw was all swaddled up and sound asleep. He looked absolutely and perfectly content. I asked my friend's husband if they were good babies so far and he said one was pretty content and the other enjoyed a good cry now and then, lol. Then he said, "Well they are twins...there's always that one!"
Even though I wasn't able to hold either of them, I was totally and perfectly okay with just seeing them. Being twins they were extra fragile and still needed a little help with living outside of their momma. One of the boys needed some UV light and the other needed to be kept warm.
After chatting with my exhausted yet totally and completely happy friend, plus visiting with them and their twins for about an hour I felt it was a good time to head out as I didn't want to make my stay too long and keep the family from losing sleep/family time together. I felt so special to be the first visitor they had!
As I made my way back to my car in the parking lot I picked up some trash that apparently someone didn't take the time to easily place in the large covered trash can. Sheesh.
I unlocked my car got in, put the keys in the ignition, and began sobbing. Uncontrollably. Completely ruining my 5 coats of time staking mascara I applied to my short stubby droopy lashes. Nice one Kadie. Racoon eyes.
The realization got to me that my friend and her husband would be caring for their little ones forever. It wouldn't just be my friend and her husband anymore, it would be my friend, her husband, and their twins now. Forever. Nothing will ever change that.
It was a scary realization for me that one day I might be caring for little people the rest of my life as well. I wonder if all parents have a moment like, "Oh wow, I now have someone to take care of the rest of my life."
It's a feeling that's been growing stronger the longer I've been married, the longer I've been away from my family, and the longer I've been living on my own for the past two years. The feeling which I'm not sure if children will ever fit into my life, if I'm even capable of taking care of something that needs constant and continuous time and effort, even when I'm feeling my worst which I still have to give 100 percent. Because when I'm feeling under the weather now pretty much my whole world shuts down and I'm basically useless.
I'm nearly beginning to start my late twenties and I still feel I'm not ready for children. Will I ever be ready to make that huge step in my life? I do love littles but the realization of caring for them under my own supervision and having teachers grade my children on how well I've worked with them is something that completely and utterly frighten me.
I'm not ready.
Will I ever be ready? As of right at this moment I still can't make a definite decision. But honestly if littles never make their way into my life I won't be crushed. There are plenty of children in this world that I can oogle and aww at. Hold and cherish. Watch grow and flourish.
Even if I choose not to change the world with a prodigy child I know I want to make a difference one way or another.
Yesterday I visited my good friend and her husband at the base clinic (hospital) on base because the day before was and forever will be one of the biggest day in their lives. Their beautiful twin (yes I said twin) baby boys arrived. Wow! Twins!
My friend asked if I'd like to come and see them and I jumped at the chance. I haven't seen a newborn baby in like, forever. Shocker right?
To start off my journey to see the twins I attempted to make my way into the hospital. Attempt One: Fail. Attempt Two: Message my exhausted friend explaining her problematic friend (me) was having issues making my way into the hospital. Attempt Three: Finally entering the hospital but going to the wrong floor...apparently the "second floor" to the Italians actually means the number "1" in the elevator.
I don't think I'll ever understand Europe/Italy.
After making a few wrong turns and going down a floor, I was greeted by my friend's husband who led me to their room.
Immediately I could feel the essence in the room as calm, relaxed, and new with life. It was a great emotion to feel. And then I saw one of their twins. So little. So precious. So new and so innocent. My friend and her husband were grinning ear to ear. They were so proud of their new little family and their mark on the world of life. And I was so proud of them.
They were absolutely beautiful. Even the names my friend and her husband picked out were so unique and really shed light on the personal level of their marriage and relationship. The first little guy I saw was all swaddled up and sound asleep. He looked absolutely and perfectly content. I asked my friend's husband if they were good babies so far and he said one was pretty content and the other enjoyed a good cry now and then, lol. Then he said, "Well they are twins...there's always that one!"
Even though I wasn't able to hold either of them, I was totally and perfectly okay with just seeing them. Being twins they were extra fragile and still needed a little help with living outside of their momma. One of the boys needed some UV light and the other needed to be kept warm.
After chatting with my exhausted yet totally and completely happy friend, plus visiting with them and their twins for about an hour I felt it was a good time to head out as I didn't want to make my stay too long and keep the family from losing sleep/family time together. I felt so special to be the first visitor they had!
As I made my way back to my car in the parking lot I picked up some trash that apparently someone didn't take the time to easily place in the large covered trash can. Sheesh.
I unlocked my car got in, put the keys in the ignition, and began sobbing. Uncontrollably. Completely ruining my 5 coats of time staking mascara I applied to my short stubby droopy lashes. Nice one Kadie. Racoon eyes.
The realization got to me that my friend and her husband would be caring for their little ones forever. It wouldn't just be my friend and her husband anymore, it would be my friend, her husband, and their twins now. Forever. Nothing will ever change that.
It was a scary realization for me that one day I might be caring for little people the rest of my life as well. I wonder if all parents have a moment like, "Oh wow, I now have someone to take care of the rest of my life."
It's a feeling that's been growing stronger the longer I've been married, the longer I've been away from my family, and the longer I've been living on my own for the past two years. The feeling which I'm not sure if children will ever fit into my life, if I'm even capable of taking care of something that needs constant and continuous time and effort, even when I'm feeling my worst which I still have to give 100 percent. Because when I'm feeling under the weather now pretty much my whole world shuts down and I'm basically useless.
I'm nearly beginning to start my late twenties and I still feel I'm not ready for children. Will I ever be ready to make that huge step in my life? I do love littles but the realization of caring for them under my own supervision and having teachers grade my children on how well I've worked with them is something that completely and utterly frighten me.
I'm not ready.
Will I ever be ready? As of right at this moment I still can't make a definite decision. But honestly if littles never make their way into my life I won't be crushed. There are plenty of children in this world that I can oogle and aww at. Hold and cherish. Watch grow and flourish.
Even if I choose not to change the world with a prodigy child I know I want to make a difference one way or another.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Pre House Hunting Discouragement
Ever had a super excited, over the top, you just couldn't handle it kind of feeling?
Then a few minutes afterward basically all of those feelings become diminished?
To all who's reading this blog post this isn't a complaint post. It's more of a feeling discouraged about what I've been researching on our future base of permanent change of station (aka PCS.)
If you haven't been reading my blog posts before this one I'll inform you all we are moving from Italy to Idaho this coming fall! Pretty much one of the only reasons we chose this base out of the list of bases we were able to choose from was because Idaho is only a state away from both of our families. Other than that main reason, the base of Mountain Home isn't on the top of Air Force bases in the continental United States.
I'm not complaining about Idaho. It's just the more I research about this base, the more I've become discouraged in finding a decent home to fit both my husband and mine's lifestyle. We're wanting a home that's a little further out, of course a stand alone, with a little bit of land that's within our BAH...which is a piddly $800 including utilities. Luckily in the continental United States you receive BAH and are ALLOWED to go over your budget if need be. While we're in Italy (OCONUS) we have OHA (overseas housing allowance) and are not able to go over our cap (which at Aviano is 850 Euros/month.)
I've been having a hard time finding something that will have all what we're desiring at our next base, but hopefully something will turn up. I'm wanting to grow a garden, and maybe have some chickens to get back in the swing of things like in my previous before-military wife lifestyle.
Wish us luck this fall when we begin house hunting to find our perfect home near Mountain Home AFB!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Fiddling around with my DSLR>>Manual Mode!
So I've decided since I have this DSLR, and I have really no priorities over while I'm here in Italy (no kids, no job, and not attending school,) I might as well make some use out of something!
So yesterday I decided I would take a whack at only using the manual mode on my DSLR. If you are utterly confused by that 4 letter word and what exactly it means, here's your definition. DSLR means "Digital Single-Lens Reflex" which in Lehman's terms is just another name for a fancy camera with much higher quality pictures than a plain old point and shoot (no offense to all the point and shooters out there.)
I chose to invest in a DSLR camera because not only did I want to take higher quality, more in depth portraits, but I also wanted to film with much more precise and higher quality images. I'm slowly but surely getting into the YouTube community and want to eventually upload videos about my life, beauty, my cats, etc. and share my stories on YouTube. I know I know, that's what everyone's dream is.
So here are a few pictures I shot and edited yesterday. I acknowledge and understand I still have a LONG way to go, and am no "big-headed" by any means. I have a total entry-level DSLR with a beginner kit lens. My images of course aren't going to look like a professional captured them because I don't own a $4,000 DSLR or a $2,000 telephoto wide angle lens.
So yesterday I decided I would take a whack at only using the manual mode on my DSLR. If you are utterly confused by that 4 letter word and what exactly it means, here's your definition. DSLR means "Digital Single-Lens Reflex" which in Lehman's terms is just another name for a fancy camera with much higher quality pictures than a plain old point and shoot (no offense to all the point and shooters out there.)
I chose to invest in a DSLR camera because not only did I want to take higher quality, more in depth portraits, but I also wanted to film with much more precise and higher quality images. I'm slowly but surely getting into the YouTube community and want to eventually upload videos about my life, beauty, my cats, etc. and share my stories on YouTube. I know I know, that's what everyone's dream is.
So here are a few pictures I shot and edited yesterday. I acknowledge and understand I still have a LONG way to go, and am no "big-headed" by any means. I have a total entry-level DSLR with a beginner kit lens. My images of course aren't going to look like a professional captured them because I don't own a $4,000 DSLR or a $2,000 telephoto wide angle lens.
 |
| An Italian poppy. Here in Italy the locals consider them weeds. Before they bloom the locals apparently eat them in salads. |
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| An immature wheat field. |
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| One little poppy alone in a sea of immature wheat. |
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| These trees were purposely planted to be in rows like this. I wonder how old they are? |
 |
| Using my aperture priority mode for the blurred background. |
Monday, April 28, 2014
[Actual] PCS ANNOUNCEMENT!
Whelp, we found out where we'll be headed to this Fall!
Drumroll please....
Mountain Home AFB in Idaho!
Even though it wasn't on our "Wish List" this base is still close to our families and we couldn't be more happier about that!!
Drumroll please....
Mountain Home AFB in Idaho!
Even though it wasn't on our "Wish List" this base is still close to our families and we couldn't be more happier about that!!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Wanna Know a Secret?
Well it's not necessarily a secret but it definitely is something worth sharing that not a ton of people yet know about! (Unless you're reading this blog then you're one of the few lucky ones to know!)
About a week ago we received our stateside listing for when we PCS come this fall! As some of you know (who've read my recent blog posts) we were going to Japan then had those orders cancelled and are now heading back stateside (yay!) Even though we were actually hoping to stay overseas due to the COLA and better pay we were hoping for either Germany or Alaska, but unfortunately it wasn't in the cards for us to stay overseas for this next tour. Japan has its ups and downs but after looking at it as a whole, we decided it was best for us to cancel those orders.
Anywhoo...
So here we were twiddling our thumbs waiting for the stateside listing to come out and finally it did!!
Remember our wish list for stateside bases?
About a week ago we received our stateside listing for when we PCS come this fall! As some of you know (who've read my recent blog posts) we were going to Japan then had those orders cancelled and are now heading back stateside (yay!) Even though we were actually hoping to stay overseas due to the COLA and better pay we were hoping for either Germany or Alaska, but unfortunately it wasn't in the cards for us to stay overseas for this next tour. Japan has its ups and downs but after looking at it as a whole, we decided it was best for us to cancel those orders.
Anywhoo...
So here we were twiddling our thumbs waiting for the stateside listing to come out and finally it did!!
Remember our wish list for stateside bases?
- McChord/Lewis Washington
- Fairchild Washington
- Beale California
- Travis California
- Malmstrom Montana
Well...out of those we managed to snag only one on our list (better than nothing right?)
And another PNW which we weren't super thrilled to see on the list, but it's very close to our families so we're content with it. Then there was one in the South West, one where all the shootings happened recently, and the final one in the South East.
Technically I can't tell you all exactly where the bases are located on our list due to OPSEC however once we find our where we're going I'll for sure announce it to everyone!
So now we wait. Oh the anticipation. Fingers crossed we wind up somewhere decent. This base was a total and complete surprise (not in a great way) so we're hoping our next base won't be a slap in the face as well. All we want is to be able to travel and visit our families more than once a year. My husband and I are super family-oriented so living overseas on the other side of the world hasn't been the best experiences for us.
I know it's part of the military but I wish they would station families/individuals who desire to be stationed here verses ones that have no desire and request to be stateside.
It is what it is and I understand we need to count our blessings.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Overlooked...
WARNING: This is a complaint blog post. If you dislike reading my complaint posts then feel free to skip over this one! Spanks.
Today isn't "Talk About It Tuesday" but I really felt this needed to be vented both on here as well as my personal Facebook. (If your not friends with me on my personal Facebook, then feel loved that you get to take a peak inside my personal life and read about what's getting at me tonight!)
I have to be honest, I'm not a part of the spouse community very aggressively. I'm just not a very social butterfly. And I'm okie dokie with that. I don't have a ton of friends here. And I'm okie dokie with that as well. I'm classified as a loner, the person that I hang out with the most is myself.
Ok back on topic!
So tonight I received a newsletter pertaining to the spouse community that I'm sort of a part of. The community members are aware that I actually exist here at this base, hence they have my e-mail address, phone number, etc. And some of the community board members are indeed my friends on Facebook. So when this newsletter came out online I was more than thrilled to endeavor and read more about what's going on with the daily life of the spouses here at this base.
Until I got to the second to the last page. There was a place for birthdays as well as anniversaries. Our anniversary is the 14th of this month (9 days!) and it wasn't listed. Let me just say I wasn't very excited it wasn't posted. However almost everyone at this base apparently has their anniversaries in April, and there was only 1 person's anniversary listed for the month of April, so it did make me feel slightly better.
I ask myself constantly, "Why even try to fit in here?" When I apparently am not counted for any effort that I attempt to put in? I do volunteer here and there...and that says a lot from someone who's not a very social butterfly.
To end this post off with a bang I'm just going to say always cover your bases. It really molds my oranges when people overlook certain things that really matter to other people. I don't care if people roll their eyes at our anniversary, but acknowledging the fact that it does exist would be nice.
Today isn't "Talk About It Tuesday" but I really felt this needed to be vented both on here as well as my personal Facebook. (If your not friends with me on my personal Facebook, then feel loved that you get to take a peak inside my personal life and read about what's getting at me tonight!)
I have to be honest, I'm not a part of the spouse community very aggressively. I'm just not a very social butterfly. And I'm okie dokie with that. I don't have a ton of friends here. And I'm okie dokie with that as well. I'm classified as a loner, the person that I hang out with the most is myself.
Ok back on topic!
So tonight I received a newsletter pertaining to the spouse community that I'm sort of a part of. The community members are aware that I actually exist here at this base, hence they have my e-mail address, phone number, etc. And some of the community board members are indeed my friends on Facebook. So when this newsletter came out online I was more than thrilled to endeavor and read more about what's going on with the daily life of the spouses here at this base.
Until I got to the second to the last page. There was a place for birthdays as well as anniversaries. Our anniversary is the 14th of this month (9 days!) and it wasn't listed. Let me just say I wasn't very excited it wasn't posted. However almost everyone at this base apparently has their anniversaries in April, and there was only 1 person's anniversary listed for the month of April, so it did make me feel slightly better.
I ask myself constantly, "Why even try to fit in here?" When I apparently am not counted for any effort that I attempt to put in? I do volunteer here and there...and that says a lot from someone who's not a very social butterfly.
To end this post off with a bang I'm just going to say always cover your bases. It really molds my oranges when people overlook certain things that really matter to other people. I don't care if people roll their eyes at our anniversary, but acknowledging the fact that it does exist would be nice.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Just kidding...
You remember the last blog post right? How we received orders to go to Japan?
Well, that's actually not happening anymore...
The orders weren't cancelled technically, they were amended. My husband and I decided it was best for both of us to not be stationed over in Japan.
There's nothing wrong with Japan but since once again my schooling wasn't provided over there we decided it was best for myself and the kitties to head back to the states (and receive NO BAH) and my husband take this next tour unaccompanied...for 2 years instead of 3.
Luckily he was able to request amendment from Japan, so now we are headed back to the states!!!!!
We have not received the list yet which will be coming out next month, but we're hoping something close to the PNW will be on it.
These are what we're hoping will be on that list:
Well, that's actually not happening anymore...
The orders weren't cancelled technically, they were amended. My husband and I decided it was best for both of us to not be stationed over in Japan.
There's nothing wrong with Japan but since once again my schooling wasn't provided over there we decided it was best for myself and the kitties to head back to the states (and receive NO BAH) and my husband take this next tour unaccompanied...for 2 years instead of 3.
Luckily he was able to request amendment from Japan, so now we are headed back to the states!!!!!
We have not received the list yet which will be coming out next month, but we're hoping something close to the PNW will be on it.
These are what we're hoping will be on that list:
- McChord/Lewis WA
- Fairchild WA
- Malmstrom, MT
- Beale, CA
- Travis, CA
Saturday, March 1, 2014
The wait is OVER! PCS Announcement!
Well today we found out through a work e-mail he was chosen to go to Japan! We'll be headed to Kadena Air Force Base in Okinawa-Shi Japan this October!
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Venezia=Venice...What?
Yesterday we went to Venice for the first time in the nearly 2 (husband's nearly 2.5) years stationed here at Aviano! I know sad, but remember we aren't exactly your typical world travelers.
Sunday, February 23 was the start of "Carnevale" aka what I like to call "Italians mix of theater costumes and Halloween...yikes. It was crazy busy. One of my major pet peeves is being in a huge crowd of people; especially a huge crowd of foreigners. Yeah, not my cup of tea.
We went with some friends who had been to Venice previously, which helped tremendously to know where to go...because being the complete tourists my husband and myself are, and of course thinking we can totally get by and not read any maps or brochures; would have totally and completely screwed up this trip to Venice...ha!
Here in Italy if you want to get from point A to point B one typically takes the train. One of the many types of transportation I have never had the chance to endear in my short little life. So what better way to get to Venice than by taking the train?
Well, after a crazy schedule and hopping numerous trains due to our first train not functioning we finally made it to Venice...only 3 hours later than we had originally planned. It was Cah-Razey! No like totally and completely populated by tons of foreigners, Italians mostly (hence living in Italy, duh.)
Here are some pics of our first time in Venice during Carnevale!
I'm still getting the bugs worked out on my camera, so sadly all these shots were taken in the auto mode (Not the best to learn with on a DSLR!) I'm still messing around with all the different modes and forcing myself to stay in manual mode (although it's confusing because I don't know what half of these numbers mean!) Looks like it's back to YouTube tutorials!
Sunday, February 23 was the start of "Carnevale" aka what I like to call "Italians mix of theater costumes and Halloween...yikes. It was crazy busy. One of my major pet peeves is being in a huge crowd of people; especially a huge crowd of foreigners. Yeah, not my cup of tea.
We went with some friends who had been to Venice previously, which helped tremendously to know where to go...because being the complete tourists my husband and myself are, and of course thinking we can totally get by and not read any maps or brochures; would have totally and completely screwed up this trip to Venice...ha!
Here in Italy if you want to get from point A to point B one typically takes the train. One of the many types of transportation I have never had the chance to endear in my short little life. So what better way to get to Venice than by taking the train?
Well, after a crazy schedule and hopping numerous trains due to our first train not functioning we finally made it to Venice...only 3 hours later than we had originally planned. It was Cah-Razey! No like totally and completely populated by tons of foreigners, Italians mostly (hence living in Italy, duh.)
Here are some pics of our first time in Venice during Carnevale!
 |
| On one of the bridges in Venice...can't remember if this one had a name! |
 |
| There were a TON of masks of all different characters! |
 |
| Sun glare. Not the best thing for a lens without a UV filter, but I still thought this shot was cool. |
 |
| Gondola! These were everywhere! |
 |
| As you could tell by this pic, the streets were incredibly crowded. Not the best for a person with severe claustrophobia and anxiety! |
 |
| Nutella treat. How could we say no? |
 |
| Over another bridge. |
 |
| We took a water taxi thing back to the train station. |
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Talk About It Tuesday: Major Eye Roll...
It's "Talk About It Tuesday" Major Eye Roll addition, and boy do I sure have something to talk about!
Do you ever read something and as you're going along can't help but constantly eye roll over what you've just read? Yeah, that happened to me today while I was reading something.
I'm saying this rather politely in my opinion, but I can't stand when people sugar-coat things. None the less when I personally feel like they are trying to get under MY skin by trying make something sound more impressive. I mean really? The only reason someone can even refer to an experience is because of the help of someone who influences them right? We as individuals wouldn't be anywhere without being influenced by one of more individuals right? We see someone achieve something great, so we want to try that accomplishment as well.
Experience growing up a certain way will hands down triumph over having little experience over minor and expected situations.
Lesson of the day: Be thankful for the individuals in our lives who have the connections to open up so many doors in order for us to succeed at what our future plans are. It's because of THEM you are receiving this experience.
Do you ever read something and as you're going along can't help but constantly eye roll over what you've just read? Yeah, that happened to me today while I was reading something.
I'm saying this rather politely in my opinion, but I can't stand when people sugar-coat things. None the less when I personally feel like they are trying to get under MY skin by trying make something sound more impressive. I mean really? The only reason someone can even refer to an experience is because of the help of someone who influences them right? We as individuals wouldn't be anywhere without being influenced by one of more individuals right? We see someone achieve something great, so we want to try that accomplishment as well.
Experience growing up a certain way will hands down triumph over having little experience over minor and expected situations.
Lesson of the day: Be thankful for the individuals in our lives who have the connections to open up so many doors in order for us to succeed at what our future plans are. It's because of THEM you are receiving this experience.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Emotional Over Candles
Everyone has their emotional, cry-like-you-never-have type of days.
I didn't think today would have been one of them.
I usually go on base to the BX and Commissary on average 1-2 times a week (sometimes more depending on if I bought something off of Varage Sale and the seller and I agreed to meet.)
Most of the time I get what I need and get out. I don't like spending a ton of time in the BX/Commissary especially if I'm not all "dolled up" with some make up on my paste-y white complexion of a face (believe me this place is like a fish bowl...there are eyes and ears everywhere!) [Insert sarcasm here.]
ANYWAYS...
When I do look somewhat civilized and don't mind someone actually having a conversation with me I will on occasion go sniff around the store and have a look-see at what's new. On this day I decided to mosey on over to the candle section (I am literally obsessed with Yankee Candles and am extremely biased they are the best candles in the whole wide world...you will not win this battle with me.) Hark! There were new scents!!! Ahhh! So...what does a girl like me do but open every single one of the new jars up and take a big whiff.
Biggest mistake apparently that day.
The very first scent I decided to smell was called "Sweet Pea." It was in this new opaque cream-colored jar that wasn't your typical "Yankee Candle Jar" design. It was like a ceramic pot. It was printed with a hand-written type font. It was just adorable. I burst into tears. The end.
No, not really.
At first whiff it reminded me of that scent from Bath & Body Works- you know the Sweet Pea scented body lotion? It was spot on the same scent as that. And it reminded me of high school. Of how this girl in my physics class had that lotion and offered some to me to try. How I fell in love with it and wanted to get my mom that same scent of lotion for Mother's Day. How I haven't seen my mom on Mother's Day in over 2 years because I live overseas.
And I became sad.
My eyes filled with tears and I began sobbing. Right there in the candle section. Right there in the BX. How embarrassing. I apparently was super sensitive that day and just the scent of candles brought back so many wonderful memories that remembered just like they were yesterday. I can't believe where the time has gone.
I had to stop. I know someone could walk up to me and ask me what's wrong and then I would probably start crying even more. I carefully put the candle back on the shelf and went to the paint section to think about the next project I could do. Ugh, I wish I had a Kleenex right about now. Dang it.
The moral of this story is like this: If you feel like you're about to cry and you're in a public location, get yourself away from that situation and try to think about something else. Words make it look so much easier but honestly it helps to think about something funny. While in the paint section I thought about something one of my cats did the other day and I started laughing out loud. And people probably thought I was special.
We all have our sensitive moments. Let it out when you feel is the appropriate time and place to.
I didn't think today would have been one of them.
I usually go on base to the BX and Commissary on average 1-2 times a week (sometimes more depending on if I bought something off of Varage Sale and the seller and I agreed to meet.)
Most of the time I get what I need and get out. I don't like spending a ton of time in the BX/Commissary especially if I'm not all "dolled up" with some make up on my paste-y white complexion of a face (believe me this place is like a fish bowl...there are eyes and ears everywhere!) [Insert sarcasm here.]
ANYWAYS...
When I do look somewhat civilized and don't mind someone actually having a conversation with me I will on occasion go sniff around the store and have a look-see at what's new. On this day I decided to mosey on over to the candle section (I am literally obsessed with Yankee Candles and am extremely biased they are the best candles in the whole wide world...you will not win this battle with me.) Hark! There were new scents!!! Ahhh! So...what does a girl like me do but open every single one of the new jars up and take a big whiff.
Biggest mistake apparently that day.
The very first scent I decided to smell was called "Sweet Pea." It was in this new opaque cream-colored jar that wasn't your typical "Yankee Candle Jar" design. It was like a ceramic pot. It was printed with a hand-written type font. It was just adorable. I burst into tears. The end.
No, not really.
At first whiff it reminded me of that scent from Bath & Body Works- you know the Sweet Pea scented body lotion? It was spot on the same scent as that. And it reminded me of high school. Of how this girl in my physics class had that lotion and offered some to me to try. How I fell in love with it and wanted to get my mom that same scent of lotion for Mother's Day. How I haven't seen my mom on Mother's Day in over 2 years because I live overseas.
And I became sad.
My eyes filled with tears and I began sobbing. Right there in the candle section. Right there in the BX. How embarrassing. I apparently was super sensitive that day and just the scent of candles brought back so many wonderful memories that remembered just like they were yesterday. I can't believe where the time has gone.
I had to stop. I know someone could walk up to me and ask me what's wrong and then I would probably start crying even more. I carefully put the candle back on the shelf and went to the paint section to think about the next project I could do. Ugh, I wish I had a Kleenex right about now. Dang it.
The moral of this story is like this: If you feel like you're about to cry and you're in a public location, get yourself away from that situation and try to think about something else. Words make it look so much easier but honestly it helps to think about something funny. While in the paint section I thought about something one of my cats did the other day and I started laughing out loud. And people probably thought I was special.
We all have our sensitive moments. Let it out when you feel is the appropriate time and place to.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Bunnie Got Her Wings
I never thought I'd have to hear this. Not now anyway. Not while I was living over here in Italy.
I usually talk to my family on the weekends because we can talk for a long time since the time difference is 9 hours. I hate being so far away from them, but love I'm able to talk to them.
On this conversation my dad told me something I did not see coming. My special little kitty "Bunnie Bipity Bop" had passed away 2 days earlier. I was completely and utterly heartbroken. The phone of course cut out right after my dad told me that and I couldn't bring myself to call them back right after. I just sat there, curled up in a ball and cried. My two kitties here with me came up and laid next to me. They knew I was hurting. I told my husband who was in his office playing his computer games. He was sad too because he knew Bunnie and really liked her.
Bunnie wasn't ran over by a car or killed by a neighbor dog or another predator. My parents took her to the Vet because she wasn't acting like herself and after a week her test results came back. They were not good. Bunnie tested positive for this rare feline disease which mutates from the common feline virus called "Feline Corona Virus or FCoV." Feline Corona Virus is very common in households with multiple cats and most of the time a cat will shed the virus and can get over it within a few weeks. Apparently what happened with Bunnie was she didn't shed the virus. Unfortunately the virus mutated and became Feline Infectious Peritonitis or "FIP." Only 5-10% of cats with FCoV will become infected with FIP. It's extremely rare.
What my family and I are thinking is Bunnie had FCoV since she was a kitten. She was probably a carrier of the disease and lived until she was almost 5 before the virus mutated and became early stages of FIP. The Vets said because of her age she was probably cared for very well because most cats with FIP don't live past 2 years.
I know slowly but surely my heart will heal, however right now grieving is the only thing I am able to do. I am so fortunate I was able to come back home last summer to spend time with her and cherish her company. I know she missed me while I was away because she slept on my bed almost every night while I was home. Even though I am back in Italy I still miss her. I thought of her often my first months here, and wished I could have taken her with me.
My husband told me to be thankful for the time I had with her, and to not sulk in these moments of grieving, but to be happy that I have two wonderful and affectionate kitties here with me in Italy. And I am, really, but it is hard to say "See you soon" to someone you loved very deeply.
Yes I said "See you soon." I don't believe in goodbyes. Bunnie went to Kitty Heaven and I know one day far from now I'll see her up there. I'm very thankful for my family who knew when it was time to let her go, and I know she didn't suffer. She was one of my favorite cats ever and I'll never, ever forget her.
I will always love you Bunnie, and know you'll be looking down upon me from Heaven!
I usually talk to my family on the weekends because we can talk for a long time since the time difference is 9 hours. I hate being so far away from them, but love I'm able to talk to them.
On this conversation my dad told me something I did not see coming. My special little kitty "Bunnie Bipity Bop" had passed away 2 days earlier. I was completely and utterly heartbroken. The phone of course cut out right after my dad told me that and I couldn't bring myself to call them back right after. I just sat there, curled up in a ball and cried. My two kitties here with me came up and laid next to me. They knew I was hurting. I told my husband who was in his office playing his computer games. He was sad too because he knew Bunnie and really liked her.
Bunnie wasn't ran over by a car or killed by a neighbor dog or another predator. My parents took her to the Vet because she wasn't acting like herself and after a week her test results came back. They were not good. Bunnie tested positive for this rare feline disease which mutates from the common feline virus called "Feline Corona Virus or FCoV." Feline Corona Virus is very common in households with multiple cats and most of the time a cat will shed the virus and can get over it within a few weeks. Apparently what happened with Bunnie was she didn't shed the virus. Unfortunately the virus mutated and became Feline Infectious Peritonitis or "FIP." Only 5-10% of cats with FCoV will become infected with FIP. It's extremely rare.
What my family and I are thinking is Bunnie had FCoV since she was a kitten. She was probably a carrier of the disease and lived until she was almost 5 before the virus mutated and became early stages of FIP. The Vets said because of her age she was probably cared for very well because most cats with FIP don't live past 2 years.
I know slowly but surely my heart will heal, however right now grieving is the only thing I am able to do. I am so fortunate I was able to come back home last summer to spend time with her and cherish her company. I know she missed me while I was away because she slept on my bed almost every night while I was home. Even though I am back in Italy I still miss her. I thought of her often my first months here, and wished I could have taken her with me.
My husband told me to be thankful for the time I had with her, and to not sulk in these moments of grieving, but to be happy that I have two wonderful and affectionate kitties here with me in Italy. And I am, really, but it is hard to say "See you soon" to someone you loved very deeply.
Yes I said "See you soon." I don't believe in goodbyes. Bunnie went to Kitty Heaven and I know one day far from now I'll see her up there. I'm very thankful for my family who knew when it was time to let her go, and I know she didn't suffer. She was one of my favorite cats ever and I'll never, ever forget her.
I will always love you Bunnie, and know you'll be looking down upon me from Heaven!
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