Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?

List of things I've accomplished on my typical Saturday:

1. Sleep in....check!
2. Eat breakfast....check!
3. Watch my Youtube channels....check!
4. Do some laundry....check!
5. Play with the cats....check!

And think about what I could have been doing if I wasn't living overseas....check.

As the months draw down to us [finally] getting out of this place, I feel more and more like I've pretty much wasted the last 2 years of my life here just twiddling my thumbs and staring out the window.

For any of the friends I've made while over here in Italy take heart. I am VERY thrilled I met each and every one of you and do not regret our times spent together. This is more of a self reflection pertaining to my existence and why I chose one life over the other.

So why do I feel like I've wasted the past 2 years of my life living overseas in a "beautiful" and "sought after" foreign country you ask?

Okie so here's a tad about myself. Just a little sprinkle of why me, K-dee isn't a lover of Italy, stay-at-home wife who doesn't have dinner ready on the table by 5pm, and always has a mountain full of dishes.
I cannot focus on one thing in particular for very long. My life is forever and always changing. I can't follow a routine, although I can make a habit out of something pretty quickly. I worry about more things than the average person worries about in their lifetime, and always wonder what people think of me. Yes, I am very conscious of my surroundings.

I had extremely high goals for myself before setting sail to live abroad with my husband, and had no idea just how much I would have to give/pay the price in order to say "I'm living in Italy" as my status symbol. Because for me Italy hasn't been a dream destination on my to-do list. Living in Italy has been pretty much the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life...seriously, honest Abe. I was very content living in my hometown, going to school, working on my personal goals, spending my summer working/volunteering on a regular basis. The desire to extend myself further beyond the United States never crossed my mind nor did it ever choose to cross it. Everything I mean everything changed when I left all I had ever known and came to live in Italy.

Through these past 2 years living here, breathing in this existence has made me feel like I'm on a continued extended vacation that never seems to end. I keep hoping this is some dream I just can't seem to shake myself out of but reality always brings me back to the real world. I can't help but think of what my life would be like if I wasn't chilling out over here being a paperweight most days.
I would have a job...probably not the same daycare job, but something I enjoy. The job market here on base is so freaking competitive that after applying for 15 different jobs, and 5 interviews later (with no actual bites) I decided enough was enough with that waste of time. I would also have my home-based business. Something which "legally isn't allowed" here in Italy because the locals are too proud to share the wealth. Home-based businesses range from free lancing to internet based. So that blows that.
And finally school. Yep, I had to literally quit school to come over here. The courses I requested to transfer didn't amount to the same "hours" which the college over here required. Plus I came to find out the only college I was able to apply to because "it had the best degree for my major" wasn't even an accredited school. So I was pretty much wasting my time with college over here. So there goes that.

Now do you understand why I am so filled with annoyance? It was one door after another that was slammed in my face...and I hated that feeling of staying stagnate. I have always been the type to move forward and have a plan for my goals. Being here, living this type of lifestyle so far away from reality puts my mind into a thick fog of confusion, distrust, and sadness. There are times where I feel scared about what direction my life is headed because there never seems like an end to the multiple times I sit on the couch watching YouTube videos day, after day, after day. What a hopeless and depressing life right?!?

Yeah, I'd have to agree.

So this is why I titled this post "Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?"
Because honestly, in more ways than one, I believe I have. Granted I felt like I got a big butt-kicking when I arrived over here, not knowing how to do laundry, wash dishes, fold clothes, make dinner, or play "Blow away" by A Fine Frenzy on the guitar. **And now I've mastered each and every one of those things!**
But I feel I've had more than enough time to self reflect. I've had too much. Too much in fact I'm beginning to feel like a dog instead of a cat (and you know how I feel about cats!) I know I drive my husband crazy always asking him what he's doing, wanting to go on walks, getting excited when we go for a ride in the car....you're starting to see a patter right? Yep, dog characteristics. What the heck?!?

So as I wind down these last few months of living in Italy (which seem like they're taking FOREVER!) I can only keep reminding myself that this isn't forever. That there IS a light to the end of this long and dark seemingly never-ending tunnel. That soon I'll be living in reality again and not some over-extended never ending vacation. Because I'm an ambitious individual who wants SO much more out of life besides placing a band aid of wine over the misery (I don't drink wine very much, if at all...this was a mere stereotype of many spouses here,) online catalog shopping (because the stores here on the economy are outrageously over-priced,) or having a baby to keep myself company (and you all know how I feel about kids.)

DISCLOSURE: If you are offended by any of these attributed stereotypes... #sorrynotsorry