Over the few years my husband and I have been married and living abroad, I've had quite the plethora of questions asked by my fellow friends and followers. I answer most, but those answers don't travel through the grapevine making new friends and followers ask repeated questions. So I decided why not list the most commonly asked questions here, and I give you our answers!
Q: There seems to be not just one wedding date for you guys. Why is that?
A: You're right there isn't just one. According to the state of Washington our legal marriage date is September 21, 2011. However we "officially" wed in front of our friends and family on April 14, 2012.
Q: When did your husband Topher join the military?
A: Toph enlisted in the military in February 2009 however he waited until one of his top 3 job positions opened up and went to basic training in April 2011. Unfortunately his "join date" didn't count until he went to basic.
Q: Why did your husband enlist in the military?
A: Toph enlisted after realizing his current job was getting him no where. He knew he wanted to better himself for the future and earn a decent living. I couldn't be more proud of him because sometimes it takes a person years to realize their life isn't going anywhere.
Q: Why did your husband choose Italy as his first duty assignment?
A: Toph actually didn't choose Italy as his first assignment. Italy was chosen by the Air Force. Ironically he put nothing down for overseas bases, because he wanted to stay as close to his family as possible. The Air Force puts you where they want you, and where a job opening suitable for your rank is offered.
Q: So he didn't choose Mountain Home AFB in Idaho either?
A: Technically we chose Mountain Home AFB out of the bases that were offered to us at that time. Idaho was the only job opening that was close to both our families.
Q: Weren't you guys going to Japan earlier this year?
A: Yes we had orders to Japan however Toph chose to amend those orders because I wanted to continue furthering my education and to be close to our families. Living almost 6,000 miles away in Italy has been rough on both of us.
Q: Why do you hate Italy so much? It's a gorgeous country that many only dream of visiting.
A: We don't "hate" Italy. And "visiting" here is SO much different than "living" here. For me as a career-driven entrepreneur Italy was a major set back. Legally I cannot have a home business here since I do not posses a work visa. I am on a government affiliated mission visa. About 99.9% of the dependents here have a mission visa. I chose not to obtain a work visa here due to the 23% taxes I would have to pay, and losing my base privileges. Though there are some dependents here that continue to have a home business, I chose to shut mine down and not run the risk of being deported or ending up in the Italian jail for an associated amount of time. I also could not go to school for my desired major because it is not offered here on base. To visit here is wonderful because tourists don't become stuck in a rut of day-to-day life that just seems to drag on. Heck if I were to just "visit" here with no strings attached I would be more than willing to say I LOVE ITALY!
Q: What's the weather like in Italy?
A: It depends on which part of Italy you're wanting to know about. Here in Northeastern Italy it's humid almost year around. It rains almost year around as well. Summers are usually muggy and around mid eighties. The winters here are wet and cold with sometimes a dusting of snow. I usually tell people it's similar to the weather in the Pacific Northwest, but just crank up the humidity to 90%.
Q: What rank is your husband?
A: Toph tacked on Senior Airmen last November, so he is an E4 rank.
Q: We haven't heard you talk about the food in Italy very often...do you enjoy it?
A: Personally the food here is kinda bland. I cook homemade meals anywhere from 90-95% of the time (we rarely eat out) and I honestly prefer my cooking (yes I'm biased) over the cooking here. It's ok, but I miss American cooking with a passion.
Q: Is it expensive to live in Italy?
A: If you're living on the economy as a American citizen yes, I believe it's very expensive. Though produce markets here are relatively cheap, dining out here is ridiculously expensive. We really only go to a sushi restaurant about every 3 months or so and for both of us to order 4-5 things off the menu is about $70. Those items in the states would have cost us maybe $30. Rip off.
Q: What exactly does the military pay for?
A: The military pays for our house, medical/dental, utility allowance, and COLA (cost of living allowance for overseas.) But technically much of that comes out of Toph's paycheck.
Q: Where have you traveled while in Italy?
A: Not very much, lol. We've never left Italy. We chose to save our $$ and plan for our future.
Q: Aren't you going to regret never traveling while living abroad?
A: Not really. We just never got the travel bug. Sad to most, but like mentioned earlier, we had no intentions of living abroad. It's expensive to travel here.
Q: Why didn't you ever get a job there?
A: I actually tried for over a year to get a job. I applied for over 15 different positions and was unfortunately never hired. Degrees and certifications didn't mean ANYTHING as to why I wasn't hired. None of the jobs I applied for required a degree. There is over 2,000 dependents here all applying for virtually the same positions...it was too competitive. The last job I applied for and wasn't hired was because the dependent which was hired made cookies. Yep, a sad reason.
Q: You mention 220V...what's that?
A: Here in Europe 220V is the electricity used. 220 volts/50 hertz. In the states the electricity is 110 volts/60 hertz. Unless your appliances/electronics are dual voltage you will have to purchase 220 items or use your 110 items on a transformer. We chose not to use our 110 items on a transformer because the motor wears out faster. So all the appliances we were given at our wedding are still new in their boxes waiting to be used when we get to Mountain Home!!!
Q: What kind of camera do you shoot with?
A: I shoot with an entry level Canon T3i DSLR. I'm an amateur photographer (just started this year) and decided on this camera to begin with. The one thing I would change about this camera would be continuous auto focus. The T4i is when Canon started making continuous auto focus on their entry level cameras.
Q: New lens?
A: I just got the cheapest lens Canon makes, a 50mm 1.8. It was 100 bucks. I wanted something that would make the bokeh super creamy in the background. This is an awesome lens if you're wanting to step outside your comfort-zoned kit lens. It is however a prime lens meaning you can't zoom in or out without physically getting closer or farther away from your object. And using this on a crop sensor camera actually makes this lens an 80mm instead of a 50mm. I would LOVE a full framed camera...but not the $$$$ price tag.
Q: What do you use to edit your videos.
A: Windows Live Movie Maker. And I hate it, lol. It's great for just the basic stuff but if you're looking for voice overs, zooming in on a clip, etc. Definitely go with something more pro. iMovie is amazing. My next laptop (once this one kicks the dust) will be a MacBook Pro. I am beginning to despise PC's lol.
So that's a good amount of questions for ya all to read through! Please comment down below if you'd like me to answer some more questions in the near future!
Friday, August 29, 2014
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?
List of things I've accomplished on my typical Saturday:
So why do I feel like I've wasted the past 2 years of my life living overseas in a "beautiful" and "sought after" foreign country you ask?
Okie so here's a tad about myself. Just a little sprinkle of why me, K-dee isn't a lover of Italy, stay-at-home wife who doesn't have dinner ready on the table by 5pm, and always has a mountain full of dishes.
I cannot focus on one thing in particular for very long. My life is forever and always changing. I can't follow a routine, although I can make a habit out of something pretty quickly. I worry about more things than the average person worries about in their lifetime, and always wonder what people think of me. Yes, I am very conscious of my surroundings.
I had extremely high goals for myself before setting sail to live abroad with my husband, and had no idea just how much I would have to give/pay the price in order to say "I'm living in Italy" as my status symbol. Because for me Italy hasn't been a dream destination on my to-do list. Living in Italy has been pretty much the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life...seriously, honest Abe. I was very content living in my hometown, going to school, working on my personal goals, spending my summer working/volunteering on a regular basis. The desire to extend myself further beyond the United States never crossed my mind nor did it ever choose to cross it. Everything I mean everything changed when I left all I had ever known and came to live in Italy.
Through these past 2 years living here, breathing in this existence has made me feel like I'm on a continued extended vacation that never seems to end. I keep hoping this is some dream I just can't seem to shake myself out of but reality always brings me back to the real world. I can't help but think of what my life would be like if I wasn't chilling out over here being a paperweight most days.
I would have a job...probably not the same daycare job, but something I enjoy. The job market here on base is so freaking competitive that after applying for 15 different jobs, and 5 interviews later (with no actual bites) I decided enough was enough with that waste of time. I would also have my home-based business. Something which "legally isn't allowed" here in Italy because the locals are too proud to share the wealth. Home-based businesses range from free lancing to internet based. So that blows that.
And finally school. Yep, I had to literally quit school to come over here. The courses I requested to transfer didn't amount to the same "hours" which the college over here required. Plus I came to find out the only college I was able to apply to because "it had the best degree for my major" wasn't even an accredited school. So I was pretty much wasting my time with college over here. So there goes that.
Now do you understand why I am so filled with annoyance? It was one door after another that was slammed in my face...and I hated that feeling of staying stagnate. I have always been the type to move forward and have a plan for my goals. Being here, living this type of lifestyle so far away from reality puts my mind into a thick fog of confusion, distrust, and sadness. There are times where I feel scared about what direction my life is headed because there never seems like an end to the multiple times I sit on the couch watching YouTube videos day, after day, after day. What a hopeless and depressing life right?!?
Yeah, I'd have to agree.
So this is why I titled this post "Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?"
Because honestly, in more ways than one, I believe I have. Granted I felt like I got a big butt-kicking when I arrived over here, not knowing how to do laundry, wash dishes, fold clothes, make dinner, or play "Blow away" by A Fine Frenzy on the guitar. **And now I've mastered each and every one of those things!**
But I feel I've had more than enough time to self reflect. I've had too much. Too much in fact I'm beginning to feel like a dog instead of a cat (and you know how I feel about cats!) I know I drive my husband crazy always asking him what he's doing, wanting to go on walks, getting excited when we go for a ride in the car....you're starting to see a patter right? Yep, dog characteristics. What the heck?!?
So as I wind down these last few months of living in Italy (which seem like they're taking FOREVER!) I can only keep reminding myself that this isn't forever. That there IS a light to the end of this long and dark seemingly never-ending tunnel. That soon I'll be living in reality again and not some over-extended never ending vacation. Because I'm an ambitious individual who wants SO much more out of life besides placing a band aid of wine over the misery (I don't drink wine very much, if at all...this was a mere stereotype of many spouses here,) online catalog shopping (because the stores here on the economy are outrageously over-priced,) or having a baby to keep myself company (and you all know how I feel about kids.)
DISCLOSURE: If you are offended by any of these attributed stereotypes... #sorrynotsorry
- Sleep in....check!
- Eat breakfast....check!
- Watch my Youtube channels....check!
- Do some laundry....check!
- Play with the cats....check!
And think about what I could have been doing if I wasn't living overseas....check.
As the months draw down to us [finally] getting out of this place, I feel more and more like I've pretty much wasted the last 2 years of my life here just twiddling my thumbs and staring out the window.
For any of the friends I've made while over here in Italy take heart. I am VERY thrilled I met each and every one of you and do not regret our times spent together. This is more of a self reflection pertaining to my existence and why I chose one life over the other.
So why do I feel like I've wasted the past 2 years of my life living overseas in a "beautiful" and "sought after" foreign country you ask?
Okie so here's a tad about myself. Just a little sprinkle of why me, K-dee isn't a lover of Italy, stay-at-home wife who doesn't have dinner ready on the table by 5pm, and always has a mountain full of dishes.
I cannot focus on one thing in particular for very long. My life is forever and always changing. I can't follow a routine, although I can make a habit out of something pretty quickly. I worry about more things than the average person worries about in their lifetime, and always wonder what people think of me. Yes, I am very conscious of my surroundings.
I had extremely high goals for myself before setting sail to live abroad with my husband, and had no idea just how much I would have to give/pay the price in order to say "I'm living in Italy" as my status symbol. Because for me Italy hasn't been a dream destination on my to-do list. Living in Italy has been pretty much the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life...seriously, honest Abe. I was very content living in my hometown, going to school, working on my personal goals, spending my summer working/volunteering on a regular basis. The desire to extend myself further beyond the United States never crossed my mind nor did it ever choose to cross it. Everything I mean everything changed when I left all I had ever known and came to live in Italy.
Through these past 2 years living here, breathing in this existence has made me feel like I'm on a continued extended vacation that never seems to end. I keep hoping this is some dream I just can't seem to shake myself out of but reality always brings me back to the real world. I can't help but think of what my life would be like if I wasn't chilling out over here being a paperweight most days.
I would have a job...probably not the same daycare job, but something I enjoy. The job market here on base is so freaking competitive that after applying for 15 different jobs, and 5 interviews later (with no actual bites) I decided enough was enough with that waste of time. I would also have my home-based business. Something which "legally isn't allowed" here in Italy because the locals are too proud to share the wealth. Home-based businesses range from free lancing to internet based. So that blows that.
And finally school. Yep, I had to literally quit school to come over here. The courses I requested to transfer didn't amount to the same "hours" which the college over here required. Plus I came to find out the only college I was able to apply to because "it had the best degree for my major" wasn't even an accredited school. So I was pretty much wasting my time with college over here. So there goes that.
Now do you understand why I am so filled with annoyance? It was one door after another that was slammed in my face...and I hated that feeling of staying stagnate. I have always been the type to move forward and have a plan for my goals. Being here, living this type of lifestyle so far away from reality puts my mind into a thick fog of confusion, distrust, and sadness. There are times where I feel scared about what direction my life is headed because there never seems like an end to the multiple times I sit on the couch watching YouTube videos day, after day, after day. What a hopeless and depressing life right?!?
Yeah, I'd have to agree.
So this is why I titled this post "Did I just waste the last 2 years of my life?"
Because honestly, in more ways than one, I believe I have. Granted I felt like I got a big butt-kicking when I arrived over here, not knowing how to do laundry, wash dishes, fold clothes, make dinner, or play "Blow away" by A Fine Frenzy on the guitar. **And now I've mastered each and every one of those things!**
But I feel I've had more than enough time to self reflect. I've had too much. Too much in fact I'm beginning to feel like a dog instead of a cat (and you know how I feel about cats!) I know I drive my husband crazy always asking him what he's doing, wanting to go on walks, getting excited when we go for a ride in the car....you're starting to see a patter right? Yep, dog characteristics. What the heck?!?
So as I wind down these last few months of living in Italy (which seem like they're taking FOREVER!) I can only keep reminding myself that this isn't forever. That there IS a light to the end of this long and dark seemingly never-ending tunnel. That soon I'll be living in reality again and not some over-extended never ending vacation. Because I'm an ambitious individual who wants SO much more out of life besides placing a band aid of wine over the misery (I don't drink wine very much, if at all...this was a mere stereotype of many spouses here,) online catalog shopping (because the stores here on the economy are outrageously over-priced,) or having a baby to keep myself company (and you all know how I feel about kids.)
DISCLOSURE: If you are offended by any of these attributed stereotypes... #sorrynotsorry
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Kadie Checks In: Health Update
So yesterday I posted an update on my personal Facebook wall explaining how happy and relieved I was to receive the best news [health wise] I had received in a very long time...like in a year. I also mentioned how I didn't want to go into too much detail on my wall, but after I posted my update I had numerous friends/family ask if everything with me was ok. So I thought, why not I share with the friends/family who would like to know what's been going on with me [health wise] over the past year.
I acknowledge I do not have to inform everyone, in fact I could keep my life updates to myself, but I'm the type of person who absolutely cannot keep these things bottled up in me and only leak certain information out to those who know me closely.
This post is not only to inform others about my health updates, but to also encourage others to keep their own health on track.
So onto my health update!
This whole craziness started over a year ago, in May 2013. I had been rather tired (pretty much when I moved to Italy with the 9 hour time difference, missing my family, etc.) and feeling a little blue every now and then. One of my friends asked me if I had ever had my thyroid levels checked. I said no, but my mom has had thyroid issues ever since I can remember, as well as her mother. My friend told me that thyroid issues can run in the family and to go have my thyroid checked. So I made an appointment and was able to be seen that next week. My (then) doctor (who was French) asked me all sorts of questions regarding my health. He asked if I had kids, was working, going to school, depressed, and if my husband was deployed. I answered no to every one of those questions except for the depressed part. I said I'm not completely and hopelessly depressed, but that I missed my family, my animals, and where I grew up. He understood but then made the assumption that I was bored at home and that attributed to my lack of energy. I was rather insulted because I don't find myself a completely lazy person who doesn't want to get up because she feels no purpose in life. I do in fact wake up each morning to greet the day.
So my doctor decided to have not only my thyroid levels checked but also my kidney and liver levels checked as well. I was more than willing to give all the blood they needed so I could finally put my feeling tired symptom at ease. Everyone I talked to said it was probably and undoubtedly my thyroid.
Two days later as I was editing a video I had been working on (while I was still in my PJ's and it was past noon) I received the phone call that would change the way I viewed my health forever. I answered the "no called id" call which was a nurse from the clinic. She asked if this was me and how I was doing. Yadda yadda yadda....the nurse then informed me that one of my levels (taken 2 days ago) was slightly lower than the normal range. I asked her which level it was and she said the four most shocking words I had ever heard, "Your white blood cell counts." I immediately froze. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I started to stutter. To keep the conversation going (because obviously it wasn't on my end) the nurse continued by explaining my levels weren't dangerously low but it is requested I have them retested in about 2 weeks. Trying to snap myself out of my shock phase I said "Ok" in a very weak and terrifying voice. The nurse then told me not to worry and to have a good day. I hung up the phone...and...I started bawling.
I immediately called Toph. He was at work but picked up the phone. Here I was bawling like a baby on the other end, so when Toph asked what's wrong, I pretty much filled him in on my levels and how I was thinking crazy thoughts, etc. Toph is a guy's guy. A man. He doesn't get shaken up about anything. He told me I needed take a deep breath and calm down. He said there is nothing wrong with me so I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He also told me not to Google anything.
But as many of you know I am a crazy cat lady, and you know that phrase "Curiosity killed the cat?" Well I didn't listen to my husband's request not to research anything and...I did. The moment I typed into Google "Low white blood cell counts" I had over 1 million hits. So many terminal or life threatening diseases popped up and I pretty much lost it. I immediately called Toph back (now basically wailing.) He sounded annoyed asking, "Now what's wrong." Through my breaks of sniffling I said "Why did I look on Google! There was all these diseases! Now I think I'm dying!" Toph then said, "I told you not to!" And then had to get off the phone because he had to get back to work. So there I was...alone with the two cats.
It was almost 7:00am back at my parent's house and my mom leaves for work around that time, so I decided to take the plunge and call my mom. I call my mom about everything going on with my life, and this was one of those times where I had to hear her voice. I told her about my lower levels, how I used Google and now thought I was dying. I told her how I was so scared and how I just wanted to go home. I told her I wanted to be with her. She said I didn't need to worry and that I was going to be perfectly fine. She said I probably had a "silly bug" that caused my levels to be a little out of whack, and to not let this get to me (which unfortunately it already had.) Then she said she had to head out for work, but that I could call her later.
So there I was sitting on the floor in our hallway, curled in the fetal position, alone...well, the cats were with me. All these crazy thoughts running through my head.
The next 2 days felt like I was sailing through a wild ocean. My emotions were so fragile, even just looking at my husband made me burst into tears. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep, and even Facebook wasn't helping (shocker.) Toph kept telling me I wasn't sick because I hadn't been sick in so long. The last time I was "sick" was when I had a silly sore throat earlier that year, the same time he had a massive head cold. He was sick for 2 weeks (and taking antibiotics) while I was sick for 4 days (and didn't take anything.)
Fast forward about 2 weeks later. I had scheduled to have my levels retested and was hoping for better news. It was now the beginning of June and I was planning to go back to the states to see my family for a while (since I hadn't seen them in over a year.) Toph was going on a month long TDY and I didn't want to stay by myself for an entire month so I thought this would be the perfect time to leave for a while. So I went in the day of my appointment, got my blood drawn, and went back our house. I tried to keep my mind off of the potential phone call, and kept thinking positive thoughts. I knew I had to be brave not only for myself, but also for my husband (who enjoys being around a happy wife) and also our kitties (who feed off of positive energy.)
A few days after my levels retest I received a phone call (rather earlier in the morning...yes I was still in bed) from the clinic. It was a nurse with my test results. She said that my white cell counts were looking better (than before) and the doctor wanted to see me back in 2 months for a retest. I don't think I had ever been so relieved about something like this in such a long time! I immediately called Toph and told him my new results. He said "I told you there was nothing to worry about!" So I went back to sleep (yes I really did) until my initial wake up time about 2 hours later.
So now we are here today in August 2014. About 3 days ago I started having symptoms of a UTI so I called the nurse advice line (unfortunately here at Aviano there is no emergency room on base) because I didn't feel this was an emergency, and didn't want to have to lug myself and Toph all the way down to the Pordenone hospital at 10:00pm. The nurse asked me what my symptoms were, and told me that's what I probably had. She told me to drink plenty of water and to make an appointment with my doctor within 24 hours. That entire night in between drinking water and going to the bathroom (which I was in pain) I was physically exhausted. This same day I found out the actor Robin Williams had passed away, so I was dealing with that shock as well. Toph and I watched Hook (one of our favorite movies) to remember the late actor by and also to keep my mind off of my peeing situation.
The next day I made an appointment (which thankfully I could do a walk-in) and made my way to the clinic. I did the requested urinalysis and went back home. We had a TMO briefing that afternoon, so we decided to go to base a bit earlier to the commissary to grab something to eat. As we were eating our lunch in the car, Toph's phone began to rang. He answered it and handed the phone to me. On the other end was a nurse who had my results back from my urinalysis I had done earlier. She said there was no evidence of a UTI however there was protein found in my urine, which was concerning. She requested I come in for another urinalysis the next day. She also requested I really push the fluids (drink as much water as possible.)
After the TMO briefing Toph and I went back home and I started binge drinking...on water! I drank and drank....by the end of the night (around midnight) I had drank about 3 liters of water. The most I think I have ever drank in a day (very sad I know!)
So the next day bright and early Toph and I went in for another urinalysis. I tried my hardest not to use the bathroom before the test because I knew the most accurate reading would be with the most concentrated urine sample. So after my test I waited with Toph until I was called back. About 10 minutes later I was called back to a patient room where my heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature were all checked (the norm.) The airmen performing all of this was surprised at how fast my heart rate was going, so I told him I was really nervous. He asked why and I said, "Oh because whenever I go see the doctor there's usually something wrong with me." I was holding back tears trying to be brave. He saw I was fighting tears and said, "You don't have to worry, it's going to be alright." He then left and I waited for the doctor to come in. I swear I waited almost 20 minutes, but was finally greeted with a new doctor who seemed very jolly and comforting. We talked about what was going on with me, my UTI symptoms, etc. He was a little concerned that the last urinalysis (done yesterday) showed no evidence of a UTI, but only protein, so he said he was hoping this next test would show that I had a UTI since I had most if not all of the symptoms of one. He then proceeded to go to the Lab Dept. to see if my urinalysis was complete. I could have counted to 20 before my doctor came back in the room with a relieved look on his face saying I indeed had a UTI. He then told me that was the cause of the protein in my urine.
I can't really remember how I brought up the subject of my blood test results but I think it was brought up by me mentioning how my lower back had been hurting. He asked if the middle of my back had been hurting and I said no just my lower back. I said my mom had just been tested for a vitamin D deficiency and maybe that was the cause of my lower back symptoms. I had also mentioned that last year in May my prior doctor had my thyroid, liver, and kidneys tested. My current doctor was intrigued, so he pulled up my chart on the computer. He said everything looked completely normal until he saw my white cell counts which were slightly lower than normal, but then the raised in that 2 week period (when I went in to be retested.)
Now this is the part of the story that takes a slightly scary turn for me.
Earlier this year in January Toph, myself, and some of our buddies went up the mountain on an 8 mile hike. I took tons of pictures, and overall we had a great day. By the end of the hike I had pretty much considered myself a cripple because my left knee was aching so bad. I waited a good 2 weeks, and when I noticed my knee not healing I went into the clinic. My doctor said it was just a minor injury which can take up to a month to heal, and also did a blood test on me. I did not receive a call back on the test, so I assumed everything was good.
Back to story where my doctor was looking at my recent chart. After he read my white cell counts had risen the 2 weeks after my initial test (last May) he then saw my results from this past January. My white cell counts had lowered again. Not as low as the first initial test, but they weren't in the "normal" range anymore. I froze. I had so many questions popping up in my head like, "Why didn't I receive a phone call about this?" and "What does this mean?" etc. My doctor wasn't terribly concerned but said he'd like to get my blood retested just to see where my levels were now. I was so scared. I was shaking. I started asking a ton of questions, and almost started crying. My doctor told me there are all kinds of reasons why my white cell count was slightly lower than the normal range. But getting this tested now was important just in case there was something going on, it would be caught early rather than too late.
So after going to the pharmacy and getting my prescriptions for my UTI, I then waited at the Lab so I could have my blood drawn and tested. Then Toph and I went back home.
I pretty much wanted to crawl up in a hole, bury myself, and watch YouTube videos forever. I tried to sleep (because I was so tired from the day prior) but couldn't. I had too much on my mind. Like what if my white cell counts were still lower than normal. What if I needed to go into the clinic for further testing. What if I had to have an MRI done, or a CT scan performed? What if I had a terminal illness? Yep, my mind goes to those dark places when I think something's wrong with me. I'm a hypochondriac by nature. Always have and probably always will be. I've had so many people tell me I should be a doctor because I know a lot about different diseases and such (like text book definitions.) I always tell them no because then I'll think everything is wrong with me.
As I was trying to get my mind off of a variety of illnesses, my phone started buzzing. I froze. I turned my phone over and it said "No caller ID." I knew that was the clinic. I knew it was my test results. In the seconds leading up to my finger swiping the answer button I pretty much saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw me, Kadie playing with my Barbie dolls on my bed. I saw numerous family pictures from when I was little. I saw myself at fair, all those years of showing animals then being a 4-H leader and the Goat Superintendent. I saw myself playing my guitar on stage at the local talent show. I saw Toph and the day we were married in front of all our family and friends. But the most memorable flash I saw was of me, Toph, and our own kids. Both our families, together.
I pulled myself together and answered the phone. It was my doctor. He said he had my test results back. He said that my white cell counts were in the very normal range and he was very pleased with the number. He then said he would like me to get retested in 6 months to make sure my levels were still in the normal range.
This was music to my ears. I graciously said thank you so much, and to have a wonderful day. After I hung up the phone I started bawling. These weren't tears of sorrow but tears of joy. I immediately ran into Toph's office (where he plays his computer games) and told him the good news through my blubbery but happy tear stricken face. He said, "Babe I told you everything was going to be ok! You're healthy and you always were." Oh men. I love that my husband isn't the type to go on and on...he just makes it short and sweet.
I then posted my good news (not in detail) on my Facebook wall.
So now here I am today. I felt I had to tell (in very great detail) about my health life the past year and a half, so all of you can understand just what the heck is going on with me. I know my health scare wasn't completely horrible, and for many others there are far worse health scares they have had to encounter. For me this was the scariest situation I have ever had to face [health wise] in my whole entire life. I have always been relatively healthy growing up. I never had to encounter an overnight hospital visit, a surgery to remove something life threatening, or a scan to make sure I was not ailing a certain disease. I grew up worry free until I moved to Italy. Now I'm not blaming Italy for my health issues, but more over the stress I've had to encounter with living overseas in a foreign country, without my parents, and my husband of an official week. I'm not going to lie it was HARD. I was SAD. I was STRESSED. But I did it! I conquered living abroad for the amount of time requested on my husband's tour.
So now where do I go? Right now I'm currently on antibiotics for my UTI. I plan to have my blood retested in 6 months. But I'm not looking that far into the future. I don't want to think about that. Right now my health is good and I'm planning on believing it will stay that way. You have to be brave and think positive thoughts in order to have positive outlook on life. I'm not going to lie it's not hard [for me] to think about the bad things that could have happened if I received bad news from my last blood test. All I know is I am not alone. There are thousands of people in this world who are faced with the challenges in their own life, and what are many of those people doing? They're conquering their fears. They're getting out of bed and greeting the day. They're not thinking about what is ailing them but what is keeping them alive.
I have to remember to keep my positive thoughts strong and remind myself I AM healthy!! I am living and I am THRIVING! There is someone amazingly wonderful up there who is looking down on me. My time to go won't be for a VERY long time!! Life is beautiful, and we all need to live our lives not like it's our last day, but live our lives how we want to live them. To cherish the unforgettable moments. To savior the beautiful memories. To hold the love for ourselves and others in our hearts.
I acknowledge I do not have to inform everyone, in fact I could keep my life updates to myself, but I'm the type of person who absolutely cannot keep these things bottled up in me and only leak certain information out to those who know me closely.
This post is not only to inform others about my health updates, but to also encourage others to keep their own health on track.
So onto my health update!
This whole craziness started over a year ago, in May 2013. I had been rather tired (pretty much when I moved to Italy with the 9 hour time difference, missing my family, etc.) and feeling a little blue every now and then. One of my friends asked me if I had ever had my thyroid levels checked. I said no, but my mom has had thyroid issues ever since I can remember, as well as her mother. My friend told me that thyroid issues can run in the family and to go have my thyroid checked. So I made an appointment and was able to be seen that next week. My (then) doctor (who was French) asked me all sorts of questions regarding my health. He asked if I had kids, was working, going to school, depressed, and if my husband was deployed. I answered no to every one of those questions except for the depressed part. I said I'm not completely and hopelessly depressed, but that I missed my family, my animals, and where I grew up. He understood but then made the assumption that I was bored at home and that attributed to my lack of energy. I was rather insulted because I don't find myself a completely lazy person who doesn't want to get up because she feels no purpose in life. I do in fact wake up each morning to greet the day.
So my doctor decided to have not only my thyroid levels checked but also my kidney and liver levels checked as well. I was more than willing to give all the blood they needed so I could finally put my feeling tired symptom at ease. Everyone I talked to said it was probably and undoubtedly my thyroid.
Two days later as I was editing a video I had been working on (while I was still in my PJ's and it was past noon) I received the phone call that would change the way I viewed my health forever. I answered the "no called id" call which was a nurse from the clinic. She asked if this was me and how I was doing. Yadda yadda yadda....the nurse then informed me that one of my levels (taken 2 days ago) was slightly lower than the normal range. I asked her which level it was and she said the four most shocking words I had ever heard, "Your white blood cell counts." I immediately froze. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I started to stutter. To keep the conversation going (because obviously it wasn't on my end) the nurse continued by explaining my levels weren't dangerously low but it is requested I have them retested in about 2 weeks. Trying to snap myself out of my shock phase I said "Ok" in a very weak and terrifying voice. The nurse then told me not to worry and to have a good day. I hung up the phone...and...I started bawling.
I immediately called Toph. He was at work but picked up the phone. Here I was bawling like a baby on the other end, so when Toph asked what's wrong, I pretty much filled him in on my levels and how I was thinking crazy thoughts, etc. Toph is a guy's guy. A man. He doesn't get shaken up about anything. He told me I needed take a deep breath and calm down. He said there is nothing wrong with me so I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He also told me not to Google anything.
But as many of you know I am a crazy cat lady, and you know that phrase "Curiosity killed the cat?" Well I didn't listen to my husband's request not to research anything and...I did. The moment I typed into Google "Low white blood cell counts" I had over 1 million hits. So many terminal or life threatening diseases popped up and I pretty much lost it. I immediately called Toph back (now basically wailing.) He sounded annoyed asking, "Now what's wrong." Through my breaks of sniffling I said "Why did I look on Google! There was all these diseases! Now I think I'm dying!" Toph then said, "I told you not to!" And then had to get off the phone because he had to get back to work. So there I was...alone with the two cats.
It was almost 7:00am back at my parent's house and my mom leaves for work around that time, so I decided to take the plunge and call my mom. I call my mom about everything going on with my life, and this was one of those times where I had to hear her voice. I told her about my lower levels, how I used Google and now thought I was dying. I told her how I was so scared and how I just wanted to go home. I told her I wanted to be with her. She said I didn't need to worry and that I was going to be perfectly fine. She said I probably had a "silly bug" that caused my levels to be a little out of whack, and to not let this get to me (which unfortunately it already had.) Then she said she had to head out for work, but that I could call her later.
So there I was sitting on the floor in our hallway, curled in the fetal position, alone...well, the cats were with me. All these crazy thoughts running through my head.
The next 2 days felt like I was sailing through a wild ocean. My emotions were so fragile, even just looking at my husband made me burst into tears. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep, and even Facebook wasn't helping (shocker.) Toph kept telling me I wasn't sick because I hadn't been sick in so long. The last time I was "sick" was when I had a silly sore throat earlier that year, the same time he had a massive head cold. He was sick for 2 weeks (and taking antibiotics) while I was sick for 4 days (and didn't take anything.)
Fast forward about 2 weeks later. I had scheduled to have my levels retested and was hoping for better news. It was now the beginning of June and I was planning to go back to the states to see my family for a while (since I hadn't seen them in over a year.) Toph was going on a month long TDY and I didn't want to stay by myself for an entire month so I thought this would be the perfect time to leave for a while. So I went in the day of my appointment, got my blood drawn, and went back our house. I tried to keep my mind off of the potential phone call, and kept thinking positive thoughts. I knew I had to be brave not only for myself, but also for my husband (who enjoys being around a happy wife) and also our kitties (who feed off of positive energy.)
A few days after my levels retest I received a phone call (rather earlier in the morning...yes I was still in bed) from the clinic. It was a nurse with my test results. She said that my white cell counts were looking better (than before) and the doctor wanted to see me back in 2 months for a retest. I don't think I had ever been so relieved about something like this in such a long time! I immediately called Toph and told him my new results. He said "I told you there was nothing to worry about!" So I went back to sleep (yes I really did) until my initial wake up time about 2 hours later.
So now we are here today in August 2014. About 3 days ago I started having symptoms of a UTI so I called the nurse advice line (unfortunately here at Aviano there is no emergency room on base) because I didn't feel this was an emergency, and didn't want to have to lug myself and Toph all the way down to the Pordenone hospital at 10:00pm. The nurse asked me what my symptoms were, and told me that's what I probably had. She told me to drink plenty of water and to make an appointment with my doctor within 24 hours. That entire night in between drinking water and going to the bathroom (which I was in pain) I was physically exhausted. This same day I found out the actor Robin Williams had passed away, so I was dealing with that shock as well. Toph and I watched Hook (one of our favorite movies) to remember the late actor by and also to keep my mind off of my peeing situation.
The next day I made an appointment (which thankfully I could do a walk-in) and made my way to the clinic. I did the requested urinalysis and went back home. We had a TMO briefing that afternoon, so we decided to go to base a bit earlier to the commissary to grab something to eat. As we were eating our lunch in the car, Toph's phone began to rang. He answered it and handed the phone to me. On the other end was a nurse who had my results back from my urinalysis I had done earlier. She said there was no evidence of a UTI however there was protein found in my urine, which was concerning. She requested I come in for another urinalysis the next day. She also requested I really push the fluids (drink as much water as possible.)
After the TMO briefing Toph and I went back home and I started binge drinking...on water! I drank and drank....by the end of the night (around midnight) I had drank about 3 liters of water. The most I think I have ever drank in a day (very sad I know!)
So the next day bright and early Toph and I went in for another urinalysis. I tried my hardest not to use the bathroom before the test because I knew the most accurate reading would be with the most concentrated urine sample. So after my test I waited with Toph until I was called back. About 10 minutes later I was called back to a patient room where my heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature were all checked (the norm.) The airmen performing all of this was surprised at how fast my heart rate was going, so I told him I was really nervous. He asked why and I said, "Oh because whenever I go see the doctor there's usually something wrong with me." I was holding back tears trying to be brave. He saw I was fighting tears and said, "You don't have to worry, it's going to be alright." He then left and I waited for the doctor to come in. I swear I waited almost 20 minutes, but was finally greeted with a new doctor who seemed very jolly and comforting. We talked about what was going on with me, my UTI symptoms, etc. He was a little concerned that the last urinalysis (done yesterday) showed no evidence of a UTI, but only protein, so he said he was hoping this next test would show that I had a UTI since I had most if not all of the symptoms of one. He then proceeded to go to the Lab Dept. to see if my urinalysis was complete. I could have counted to 20 before my doctor came back in the room with a relieved look on his face saying I indeed had a UTI. He then told me that was the cause of the protein in my urine.
I can't really remember how I brought up the subject of my blood test results but I think it was brought up by me mentioning how my lower back had been hurting. He asked if the middle of my back had been hurting and I said no just my lower back. I said my mom had just been tested for a vitamin D deficiency and maybe that was the cause of my lower back symptoms. I had also mentioned that last year in May my prior doctor had my thyroid, liver, and kidneys tested. My current doctor was intrigued, so he pulled up my chart on the computer. He said everything looked completely normal until he saw my white cell counts which were slightly lower than normal, but then the raised in that 2 week period (when I went in to be retested.)
Now this is the part of the story that takes a slightly scary turn for me.
Earlier this year in January Toph, myself, and some of our buddies went up the mountain on an 8 mile hike. I took tons of pictures, and overall we had a great day. By the end of the hike I had pretty much considered myself a cripple because my left knee was aching so bad. I waited a good 2 weeks, and when I noticed my knee not healing I went into the clinic. My doctor said it was just a minor injury which can take up to a month to heal, and also did a blood test on me. I did not receive a call back on the test, so I assumed everything was good.
Back to story where my doctor was looking at my recent chart. After he read my white cell counts had risen the 2 weeks after my initial test (last May) he then saw my results from this past January. My white cell counts had lowered again. Not as low as the first initial test, but they weren't in the "normal" range anymore. I froze. I had so many questions popping up in my head like, "Why didn't I receive a phone call about this?" and "What does this mean?" etc. My doctor wasn't terribly concerned but said he'd like to get my blood retested just to see where my levels were now. I was so scared. I was shaking. I started asking a ton of questions, and almost started crying. My doctor told me there are all kinds of reasons why my white cell count was slightly lower than the normal range. But getting this tested now was important just in case there was something going on, it would be caught early rather than too late.
So after going to the pharmacy and getting my prescriptions for my UTI, I then waited at the Lab so I could have my blood drawn and tested. Then Toph and I went back home.
I pretty much wanted to crawl up in a hole, bury myself, and watch YouTube videos forever. I tried to sleep (because I was so tired from the day prior) but couldn't. I had too much on my mind. Like what if my white cell counts were still lower than normal. What if I needed to go into the clinic for further testing. What if I had to have an MRI done, or a CT scan performed? What if I had a terminal illness? Yep, my mind goes to those dark places when I think something's wrong with me. I'm a hypochondriac by nature. Always have and probably always will be. I've had so many people tell me I should be a doctor because I know a lot about different diseases and such (like text book definitions.) I always tell them no because then I'll think everything is wrong with me.
As I was trying to get my mind off of a variety of illnesses, my phone started buzzing. I froze. I turned my phone over and it said "No caller ID." I knew that was the clinic. I knew it was my test results. In the seconds leading up to my finger swiping the answer button I pretty much saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw me, Kadie playing with my Barbie dolls on my bed. I saw numerous family pictures from when I was little. I saw myself at fair, all those years of showing animals then being a 4-H leader and the Goat Superintendent. I saw myself playing my guitar on stage at the local talent show. I saw Toph and the day we were married in front of all our family and friends. But the most memorable flash I saw was of me, Toph, and our own kids. Both our families, together.
I pulled myself together and answered the phone. It was my doctor. He said he had my test results back. He said that my white cell counts were in the very normal range and he was very pleased with the number. He then said he would like me to get retested in 6 months to make sure my levels were still in the normal range.
This was music to my ears. I graciously said thank you so much, and to have a wonderful day. After I hung up the phone I started bawling. These weren't tears of sorrow but tears of joy. I immediately ran into Toph's office (where he plays his computer games) and told him the good news through my blubbery but happy tear stricken face. He said, "Babe I told you everything was going to be ok! You're healthy and you always were." Oh men. I love that my husband isn't the type to go on and on...he just makes it short and sweet.
I then posted my good news (not in detail) on my Facebook wall.
So now here I am today. I felt I had to tell (in very great detail) about my health life the past year and a half, so all of you can understand just what the heck is going on with me. I know my health scare wasn't completely horrible, and for many others there are far worse health scares they have had to encounter. For me this was the scariest situation I have ever had to face [health wise] in my whole entire life. I have always been relatively healthy growing up. I never had to encounter an overnight hospital visit, a surgery to remove something life threatening, or a scan to make sure I was not ailing a certain disease. I grew up worry free until I moved to Italy. Now I'm not blaming Italy for my health issues, but more over the stress I've had to encounter with living overseas in a foreign country, without my parents, and my husband of an official week. I'm not going to lie it was HARD. I was SAD. I was STRESSED. But I did it! I conquered living abroad for the amount of time requested on my husband's tour.
So now where do I go? Right now I'm currently on antibiotics for my UTI. I plan to have my blood retested in 6 months. But I'm not looking that far into the future. I don't want to think about that. Right now my health is good and I'm planning on believing it will stay that way. You have to be brave and think positive thoughts in order to have positive outlook on life. I'm not going to lie it's not hard [for me] to think about the bad things that could have happened if I received bad news from my last blood test. All I know is I am not alone. There are thousands of people in this world who are faced with the challenges in their own life, and what are many of those people doing? They're conquering their fears. They're getting out of bed and greeting the day. They're not thinking about what is ailing them but what is keeping them alive.
I have to remember to keep my positive thoughts strong and remind myself I AM healthy!! I am living and I am THRIVING! There is someone amazingly wonderful up there who is looking down on me. My time to go won't be for a VERY long time!! Life is beautiful, and we all need to live our lives not like it's our last day, but live our lives how we want to live them. To cherish the unforgettable moments. To savior the beautiful memories. To hold the love for ourselves and others in our hearts.
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