The Dream that's becoming a Reality!

Hello again!

If you've been keeping up with my blog posts you have undoubtedly read where we'll be headed to next in this crazy military life we're currently living at the moment. If this is your first time reading a post from my blog have no fear, I will inform you all our next base we'll be headed to is Mountain Home Air Force Base in Idaho. Yep we're traveling half-way around the world back to the good ole' You Ess of Aye (USA) and living among English-speaking locals again (thank goodness.)

No joke, I have been counting down the months until we are out of this place. Sorry to all those who have dreamed of living in Italy. Coming from a gal who's lived here going on two and half years, the picture created in many people's minds of "Hollywood-zed" Italy is just really that. It's honestly not as awesome as in the pictures. Then again I'm living in Northern Italy, so maybe all the hype is in the Southern tip. Don't know and honestly don't care. I'm just ready to get the flock out of here.

So as the months have dwindled down to just a few, I'm getting more and more excited. My dream of re starting my home-based business again, finally finishing school, and being able to work on the economy again are things I've loathed since finding out all my ambitions were pretty much crushed because I'm an American citizen dependent. Italy is definitely not for the ambitious, career-driven type of women. Once again, sorry to all those who have dreamed of living in Italy.

I guess I have to say I'm very glad my significant other, my husband is right along with me. He acknowledges and understands how difficult this stay-at-home housewife/homemaker status is taking its toll on me. Because when we were dating I was a very driven, almost college grad, work-a-holic, volunteered my time sorta gal. And now having bottom loads of free time that's completely driving me crazy (and NO I will not be having children to fill in the free time thank you very much!) I've been watching a ton of YouTube tutorials, blogging, taking pictures, and watching Netflix. Because there's really NOTHING to do!

I also dream. I dream about our future life in Idaho. I dream about our American style house. With closets. I dream about working again and going back to college to finish my degree. I dream about having some chickens and getting back into farming. I dream about volunteering with 4-H again.

But most of all I dream about being close to my family again. I miss them more and more each day, and it breaks my heart at times when I can't be there for a special moment on the farm.

I realize this is the life of a military spouse, so I've got to pull up my big girl panties and just deal with it. Which I have the past 2 1/2 years. Now it's my turn to live my life the way I want to live it as a married woman. So look out Idaho come this fall because we're going to be coming your way!

Still Not Ready

Yesterday was a bit of an emotional day. More of the positive emotions over the negative ones, however I still cried.

Yesterday I visited my good friend and her husband at the base clinic (hospital) on base because the day before was and forever will be one of the biggest day in their lives. Their beautiful twin (yes I said twin) baby boys arrived. Wow! Twins!

My friend asked if I'd like to come and see them and I jumped at the chance. I haven't seen a newborn baby in like, forever. Shocker right?

To start off my journey to see the twins I attempted to make my way into the hospital. Attempt One: Fail. Attempt Two: Message my exhausted friend explaining her problematic friend (me) was having issues making my way into the hospital. Attempt Three: Finally entering the hospital but going to the wrong floor...apparently the "second floor" to the Italians actually means the number "1" in the elevator.

I don't think I'll ever understand Europe/Italy.

After making a few wrong turns and going down a floor, I was greeted by my friend's husband who led me to their room.

Immediately I could feel the essence in the room as calm, relaxed, and new with life. It was a great emotion to feel. And then I saw one of their twins. So little. So precious. So new and so innocent. My friend and her husband were grinning ear to ear. They were so proud of their new little family and their mark on the world of life. And I was so proud of them.

They were absolutely beautiful. Even the names my friend and her husband picked out were so unique and really shed light on the personal level of their marriage and relationship. The first little guy I saw was all swaddled up and sound asleep. He looked absolutely and perfectly content. I asked my friend's husband if they were good babies so far and he said one was pretty content and the other enjoyed a good cry now and then, lol. Then he said, "Well they are twins...there's always that one!"

Even though I wasn't able to hold either of them, I was totally and perfectly okay with just seeing them. Being twins they were extra fragile and still needed a little help with living outside of their momma. One of the boys needed some UV light and the other needed to be kept warm.

After chatting with my exhausted yet totally and completely happy friend, plus visiting with them and their twins for about an hour I felt it was a good time to head out as I didn't want to make my stay too long and keep the family from losing sleep/family time together. I felt so special to be the first visitor they had!

As I made my way back to my car in the parking lot I picked up some trash that apparently someone didn't take the time to easily place in the large covered trash can. Sheesh.

I unlocked my car got in, put the keys in the ignition, and began sobbing. Uncontrollably. Completely ruining my 5 coats of time staking mascara I applied to my short stubby droopy lashes. Nice one Kadie. Racoon eyes.

The realization got to me that my friend and her husband would be caring for their little ones forever. It wouldn't just be my friend and her husband anymore, it would be my friend, her husband, and their twins now. Forever. Nothing will ever change that.

It was a scary realization for me that one day I might be caring for little people the rest of my life as well. I wonder if all parents have a moment like, "Oh wow, I now have someone to take care of the rest of my life."

It's a feeling that's been growing stronger the longer I've been married, the longer I've been away from my family, and the longer I've been living on my own for the past two years. The feeling which I'm not sure if children will ever fit into my life, if I'm even capable of taking care of something that needs constant and continuous time and effort, even when I'm feeling my worst which I still have to give 100 percent. Because when I'm feeling under the weather now pretty much my whole world shuts down and I'm basically useless.

I'm nearly beginning to start my late twenties and I still feel I'm not ready for children. Will I ever be ready to make that huge step in my life? I do love littles but the realization of caring for them under my own supervision and having teachers grade my children on how well I've worked with them is something that completely and utterly frighten me.

I'm not ready.

Will I ever be ready? As of right at this moment I still can't make a definite decision. But honestly if littles never make their way into my life I won't be crushed. There are plenty of children in this world that I can oogle and aww at. Hold and cherish. Watch grow and flourish.

Even if I choose not to change the world with a prodigy child I know I want to make a difference one way or another.

Pre House Hunting Discouragement

Ever had a super excited, over the top, you just couldn't handle it kind of feeling?

Then a few minutes afterward basically all of those feelings become diminished?

To all who's reading this blog post this isn't a complaint post. It's more of a feeling discouraged about what I've been researching on our future base of permanent change of station (aka PCS.) 

If you haven't been reading my blog posts before this one I'll inform you all we are moving from Italy to Idaho this coming fall! Pretty much one of the only reasons we chose this base out of the list of bases we were able to choose from was because Idaho is only a state away from both of our families. Other than that main reason, the base of Mountain Home isn't on the top of Air Force bases in the continental United States.

I'm not complaining about Idaho. It's just the more I research about this base, the more I've become discouraged in finding a decent home to fit both my husband and mine's lifestyle. We're wanting a home that's a little further out, of course a stand alone, with a little bit of land that's within our BAH...which is a piddly $800 including utilities. Luckily in the continental United States you receive BAH and are ALLOWED to go over your budget if need be. While we're in Italy (OCONUS) we have OHA (overseas housing allowance) and are not able to go over our cap (which at Aviano is 850 Euros/month.)

I've been having a hard time finding something that will have all what we're desiring at our next base, but hopefully something will turn up. I'm wanting to grow a garden, and maybe have some chickens to get back in the swing of things like in my previous before-military wife lifestyle.

Wish us luck this fall when we begin house hunting to find our perfect home near Mountain Home AFB!

Fiddling around with my DSLR>>Manual Mode!

So I've decided since I have this DSLR, and I have really no priorities over while I'm here in Italy (no kids, no job, and not attending school,) I might as well make some use out of something!

So yesterday I decided I would take a whack at only using the manual mode on my DSLR. If you are utterly confused by that 4 letter word and what exactly it means, here's your definition. DSLR means "Digital Single-Lens Reflex" which in Lehman's terms is just another name for a fancy camera with much higher quality pictures than a plain old point and shoot (no offense to all the point and shooters out there.)

I chose to invest in a DSLR camera because not only did I want to take higher quality, more in depth portraits, but I also wanted to film with much more precise and higher quality images. I'm slowly but surely getting into the YouTube community and want to eventually upload videos about my life, beauty, my cats, etc. and share my stories on YouTube. I know I know, that's what everyone's dream is.

So here are a few pictures I shot and edited yesterday. I acknowledge and understand I still have a LONG way to go, and am no "big-headed" by any means. I have a total entry-level DSLR with a beginner kit lens. My images of course aren't going to look like a professional captured them because I don't own a $4,000 DSLR or a $2,000 telephoto wide angle lens.

An Italian poppy. Here in Italy the locals consider them weeds. Before they bloom the locals apparently eat them in salads.

An immature wheat field. 

One little poppy alone in a sea of immature wheat.

These trees were purposely planted to be in rows like this. I wonder how old they are?

Using my aperture priority mode for the blurred background.

[Actual] PCS ANNOUNCEMENT!

Whelp, we found out where we'll be headed to this Fall!

Drumroll please....

Mountain Home AFB in Idaho!

Even though it wasn't on our "Wish List" this base is still close to our families and we couldn't be more happier about that!!

Wanna Know a Secret?

Well it's not necessarily a secret but it definitely is something worth sharing that not a ton of people yet know about! (Unless you're reading this blog then you're one of the few lucky ones to know!)

About a week ago we received our stateside listing for when we PCS come this fall! As some of you know (who've read my recent blog posts) we were going to Japan then had those orders cancelled and are now heading back stateside (yay!) Even though we were actually hoping to stay overseas due to the COLA and better pay we were hoping for either Germany or Alaska, but unfortunately it wasn't in the cards for us to stay overseas for this next tour. Japan has its ups and downs but after looking at it as a whole, we decided it was best for us to cancel those orders.

Anywhoo...

So here we were twiddling our thumbs waiting for the stateside listing to come out and finally it did!!
Remember our wish list for stateside bases?

• McChord/Lewis Washington
• Fairchild Washington
• Beale California
• Travis California
• Malmstrom Montana

Well...out of those we managed to snag only one on our list (better than nothing right?)

And another PNW which we weren't super thrilled to see on the list, but it's very close to our families so we're content with it. Then there was one in the South West, one where all the shootings happened recently, and the final one in the South East.

Technically I can't tell you all exactly where the bases are located on our list due to OPSEC however once we find our where we're going I'll for sure announce it to everyone!

So now we wait. Oh the anticipation. Fingers crossed we wind up somewhere decent. This base was a total and complete surprise (not in a great way) so we're hoping our next base won't be a slap in the face as well. All we want is to be able to travel and visit our families more than once a year. My husband and I are super family-oriented so living overseas on the other side of the world hasn't been the best experiences for us.

I know it's part of the military but I wish they would station families/individuals who desire to be stationed here verses ones that have no desire and request to be stateside.

It is what it is and I understand we need to count our blessings.

Overlooked...

WARNING: This is a complaint blog post. If you dislike reading my complaint posts then feel free to skip over this one! Spanks.

Today isn't "Talk About It Tuesday" but I really felt this needed to be vented both on here as well as my personal Facebook. (If your not friends with me on my personal Facebook, then feel loved that you get to take a peak inside my personal life and read about what's getting at me tonight!)

I have to be honest, I'm not a part of the spouse community very aggressively. I'm just not a very social butterfly. And I'm okie dokie with that. I don't have a ton of friends here. And I'm okie dokie with that as well. I'm classified as a loner, the person that I hang out with the most is myself.

Ok back on topic!

So tonight I received a newsletter pertaining to the spouse community that I'm sort of a part of. The community members are aware that I actually exist here at this base, hence they have my e-mail address, phone number, etc. And some of the community board members are indeed my friends on Facebook. So when this newsletter came out online I was more than thrilled to endeavor and read more about what's going on with the daily life of the spouses here at this base.

Until I got to the second to the last page. There was a place for birthdays as well as anniversaries. Our anniversary is the 14th of this month (9 days!) and it wasn't listed. Let me just say I wasn't very excited it wasn't posted. However almost everyone at this base apparently has their anniversaries in April, and there was only 1 person's anniversary listed for the month of April, so it did make me feel slightly better.

I ask myself constantly, "Why even try to fit in here?" When I apparently am not counted for any effort that I attempt to put in? I do volunteer here and there...and that says a lot from someone who's not a very social butterfly.

To end this post off with a bang I'm just going to say always cover your bases. It really molds my oranges when people overlook certain things that really matter to other people. I don't care if people roll their eyes at our anniversary, but acknowledging the fact that it does exist would be nice.