What I've Learned in THREE Years of Marriage

Wow. I cannot believe my husband and I have been marital bliss for three whole years as of Tuesday. Crazy to think where the time has gone, and to look back on so many things that have took place in our lives.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane...

Saturday, April 14, 2012

We were "officially" hitched! I use the word officially with quotations because we were actually married legally the prior September. We don't "officially" count that as our wedding date, but it is technically our legal marriage date.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Not even a week of being newly married and we were off to live in a foreign country. You could say that was our "honeymoon" lol.
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Quite a few folks told us that your first year of marriage is your hardest, and after that it's all down hill from there. Hmmm, that's actually ironic because the marriage aspect honestly wasn't all that difficult, it was the living so far from our families that really took its toll on both of us.

In the first year of marriage, I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, hand wash dishes (thanks to no dishwasher,) learn to be very independent (my husband would work for sometimes 12 hours a day,) learn how to drive a manual vehicle, and...oh, learn how to cope with not seeing my family for an entire year. So in all honesty, I'd have to give myself huge kudos for a brand new married wife, who set out with her brand new husband to live in a foreign country, and not have "mommy and daddy" nearby for help.

In the second year of marriage, STILL living overseas, it was definitely easier coping without having our parental figures just an easy drive away. I gradually got used to being alone for hours on end, adding up the time change as to when I could call my mom, figuring out it took exactly 8 hours to complete (1) load of laundry from start to finish (thanks European washer and dryer!) and detect when a massive thunderstorm was bound to happen. My skin hardened, I became less fragile, and honestly much more bitter as I waited my time out in Europe. I hated cooking, cleaning, and above all, I missed my family.
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But this post wasn't to dwell on the past. Sure, maybe our first few years of marriage weren't sunshine and rainbows. We had each other. We confided into each other. If we ever had quarrels, we worked them out together. Because "mommy and daddy" weren't just a phone call away all the time. And obviously they weren't a car ride away. So staying mad at one another just wasn't an option. We were basically all each other had, plus our kitties.

I think one of the biggest things I learned about myself while "living abroad" was I really, really don't like being alone for long periods of time. And by long periods I mean days. I can go for a day or so being by myself, without any human interaction. But after that and I start going crazy.

So what exactly have I learned in three years of marriage?

• A happy wife=a happy life, lol
• A clean kitchen=a happy husband
• At least making something somewhat edible=a happy husband
• Learning to deal with your anxiety and not showing you're stressed, makes your partner less stressed
• Having a bedtime routine
• Taking turns feeding/caring for your pets
• Apologizing for even the smallest things that may have hurt your partner's feelings
• Having dinner together, sitting together=a more enjoyable dinner time
• Putting your clothes in the laundry hamper and not beside it
• Sending texts throughout the day asking how each other is doing
• Calling when at the grocery store to ask if they need anything else

These are what's came to mind right now. And yes, the more years I've been married, the easier it's gotten. Especially since my husband and I have gone through quite the large amount of ups and downs...not particularly between us, but the things around us. 

I feel since our lives have changed dramatically over the past week, with our kitty's diagnosis, and really taking time out for her, it has brought us closer as a couple. 

I've heard people say when certain situations go wrong, it either tears a couple apart, or brings them closer together. 

When Do You Know You're Ready?

Yesterday was April Fool's and I didn't prank one person. Dang it!

I've been thinking a ton lately about what to call my next blog post. In the near future I'm also going to blog about being married for three years, and why married life has changed me for the better. But that's for another soon to come blog post.

This one merely asks the question, "When do you know you're ready?"

Ready for what you ask? Well for anything. In my case specifically, when do you know you're ready to start a family. A human family because some people don't consider a family with just fur children a real family. I do, but let's not start a heated debate about that today.

According to the Duggar Family from the hit TV family reality show, "19 Kids and Counting" you know when you're ready to have a child when you join in matrimony with your significant other. After the holy marital union, a baby is just the cherry on top of your happiness and sharing your lives together for eternity.

Come on now.

There is this thing though. Or maybe it's things. I've had some rather concerned folks question me, asking if the reason my husband and I haven't jumped on the baby train yet is because we're not completely sure about each other. Let me tell you something. I knew my husband was THE ONE I was going to marry just ONE MONTH after dating him. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And to this day, nearly FIVE years after being together with him I still feel that way, butterflies and all.

I think having kids is like learning to ride a bike. So many women including my own mother have told me, "It will just click one day." But when? When does it click? When I'm financially stable? When I earn my degree? When my husband and I purchase our first home? When we pay off our car? When I can no longer freak out about under cooking meat? When I can finally play "Destination" by Nickel Creek without having to look up the lyrics? When. I want to know.

I think that's what I'm so confused about. When people tell me, "You'll know when you know." But what if I don't? What if I over think this just like how I'm over thinking this blog post?
What if I keep asking myself if I'm ready, if my husband and I are ready to take on this huge ginormous step in our lives and I take a step back to look at the entire picture and freak out. And say I'm still not ready.

I struggle, no I sputter and drown thinking about if and when I'll be ready, if I ever will be ready. I'm scared I'll never be ready. I'm scared I won't ever be ready and then it will be too late.

So when did YOU know you were ready for a human child? Did it just click one day? Did it click when you saw a little pink plus sign on a test? Or see a picture of the child you could possibly adopt and make yours forever?

How did you know?

Wanna Know More About Me?

Today I'm feeling tinkery. Is that even a word? Today I want to tell the world (well the 2 or 3 people out there in internet land...or via my Facebook page I shared this blog post on) more about myself.

No I'm not going to go into detail about personal things about me. Think of this as like the "25 random facts about me" post that was popular about 8 years ago on social media.

So here goes nothing:

Some random facts about me:

1.) I have never been to Canada and I live in the upper left of the US.
2.) I got married to someone I didn't know even a year...and am still married!
3.) I have never broken a bone in my body.
4.) I shiver at the thought of balloons popping.
5.) Cats have become a huge part of my inner secret crazy personal lifestyle.
6.) I have been cooking for my husband and I for a little over 3 years and I still can't cook any type of meat without over-cooking it to make sure it's 100% done.
7.) Green has been my favorite color since I was 4 years old.
8.) I struggle with mild anxiety and lack self confidence.
9.) I have dealt with number 8 my entire life.
10.) Spring used to be my absolute unfavorite season. Now it's my absolute favorite.
11.) I still don't understand the point of Groundhog's Day.
12.) My left hand finger nails grow faster than my right hand finger nails.
13.) I lived in Italy for almost 3 years and absolutely disliked it.
14.) I still don't want to ever go back to Italy ever again in my life.
15.) Not even if it was a paid vacation.
16.) Goats remind me of dogs with hooves. No joke.
17.) I have always, always, always thought out of the box with anything I set my mind to. I like to be different and tweaking normal things into something that is mine. I don't like replicating stuff.
18.) I am a major homebody and would be completely content being at home and never traveling the world.
19.) I can't watch medical tv shows or movies. Grey's Anatomy and House freak me out.
20.) I only wash my hair maybe twice a week.
21.) I can't stand the taste of vodka.
22.) I have a really strong and strange photogenic memory.
23.) I think about the world coming to an end no more than 2 times/day.
24.) When I was 9 I had a fear of swallowing food. I thought I was going to choke.
25.) The smell of cooked peas makes me gag.
26.) When I get really nervous my face turns bright red and I sweat profusely.
27.) I don't take any form of medications other than contraceptives.
28.) And my contraceptives aren't for that reason. I lack a small amount of hormones.
29.) If I see someone crying, then I will start crying.
30.) I can be socially retarded at times.
31.) I self tan 1-2 times a week. I have very, very fair porcelain skin that makes me look sickly. I have to get color!
32.) I really don't like cooking. I would rather do the dishes or laundry lol.
33.) I can make friends somewhat easily but can't keep in touch with most of them.
34.) I'm a self loner but hate being alone in a house for days on end.
35.) Someday I'd like to live in Canada.
36.) Bees are one of my greatest fears. Ironically my dad is a beekeeper.
37.) I let my mind wander off too often.
38.) I often find myself regretting small things that won't matter in 2 weeks.
39.) I can't drink coffee or I will literally bounce off the walls.
40.) I am tone deaf.
41.) My mood can go from one extreme to the other quite quickly.
42.) No I don't have bi polar.
43.) I could never own a dog. I love dogs but they require too much dependency for my lifestyle.
44.) I may never have children.
45.) I can't multitask. My mind doesn't work like that.
46.) I could eat sushi all day err day.
47.) I can read a magazine for hours.
48.) I am NOT a morning person.
49.) I sometimes wish social media never existed. Though I'm completely dependent on it.
50.) I honestly have no idea how my husband puts up with me most days.

And that's it for now. Not too personal, but enough to get a perspective about me. I'm really not all that weird but a bit off from normal civilization!

You Can't Always Get What You Want!

Today is "TBT" aka "Throw Back Thursday." And I didn't post a past picture of something from my childhood, or that happened yesterday to me. Well darn it all to heck.

But another thing came to my mind. Since I'm going to be going back home to visit family and friends in the near future. Something that has sparked a bit of nostalgia and reasoning.

Let's start from the beginning.
I grew up in a pretty close knit family. Even though all my relatives lived about 3 hours or so away from my immediate family (aka parents and sister) I still bonded with most of them...you know, hugs, kisses, storytelling, etc. The normal kind of relationships most children have with their relatives. It wasn't until I was married and then moved overseas that I didn't realize how much I took seeing my family for granted. I became severely depressed, riddled with homesickness and guilt for not doing more things with my family before I went on this maiden voyage.

And this is where my point (and title to this blog) jumps in:

During that time I was living overseas with my military husband, I wasn't able to fly back home for a whole year. Most military families actually don't see their parents, etc. for longer than that. I don't know how some families conquer that separation, but (and I will be saying this many times during this blog post) "That's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc."

Now we're living stateside. SO. MUCH. BETTER. Even though our families are still a quarter of a day's drive apart, I would so rather take that on than a 2 day plane ride and spending the night at a hotel. I have needs, lol.

But this is where I'm getting at. The Rolling Stones couldn't have said it better. You CAN'T always get what you want. And that includes living close to your family no matter how hard you try to obtain a job within an hour's drive. My husband desperately tried applying for a position which was a little over 2 hours from both our families and unfortunately there were no open positions available during his time of application. We were bummed but we are making this place we're at now work. Because that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc.

And it's not like either of us can't stand our families, because we both are extremely close to them. My mom and I talk at least 3 times a week for sometimes 4 hours per call. I am very, very close with my parents and sister and always have been. And even though there is a gap in distance between their homes and ours, our bonds have only gotten stronger.

I think it's GOOD to have a distance between you and your loved ones sometimes. Not like the distance both my husband/I and our families had while we were overseas (that was WAY too much!) but the distance we have now is decent. Of course we would love to live closer. Of course it would be awesome to live right down the street from them but that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc. You can't always get what you want!!

So I leave you all (the one or two) who are actually reading this blog post with this:

If you are teetering on the fence between continually living close to family or making your dream career come true...make sure YOU are happy with what you choose. Living by family is great and we would love to have lived closer but my husband and I are happily living a little farther apart and creating potential future goals because my husband received this job offer and took it. It's HEALTHY to have some separation between yourself and family if it means you can flourish and create some roots for YOUR career or job.
Because that's what some families have to sacrifice for a job, career, etc.
You can't always get what you want!

Too Anxious to Reproduce?

Those who know me personally know I struggle with anxiety and over-thinking basically everything.

Those that don't know think I'm a stuck up b**** who is crazy spoiled because I'm a military wife. Which is completely and 100% false. Yeah I'm a military wife, but the weekly manicures, plethora amount of Coach purses, and bragging about my husband's rank are 3 things which do not have my name written anywhere on them. I'm a "from the sticks," keep-my-nails-short-because-I-play-musical-instruments, bought my ONE Coach mini purse half off, support but don't brag about my husband" kinda gal.

AND I'M COMPLETELY GETTING OFF TOPIC!

So back to the beginning of this post. Anxiety. Anxiety and I basically go hand in hand. I worry pretty much 23 out of the 24 hours of the day...yep, my dreams consist of worrying about whatever too. I can tell when an anxiety attack is coming on. I'll get chills, my heart will start pounding, and my brain will wander off into the worry zone in my cranium which basically fills 8/10ths of my head cavity. I am a glorified Worry Wart.

So you're prolly wondering, "Ok, so what does the word 'reproduce' in the title have anything to do with this post?"

Through the last 3 years of being married I have been a witness to an amazing amount of my friends both close and acquaintances who have taken the leap and started a family of human children. My heart has been filled with joy being there through many of the precious milestones starting with the baby bump all the way to their child's first tooth. When people say this is one of happiest times in their lives, I completely and absolutely believe it. When these parents tell me these are some of the most stressful and sleepless times in their lives, yeah I believe that too.

So what point am I trying to make here? I'm not trying to get a point across actually. My mind is almost split down in half with this whole baby mania thing that is getting harder and harder to avoid as I grow older and the years of being married grow a number every year as well. As I'm constantly and continuously asked (politely and curiously most cases) why I'm at this age already and don't have a bun in the oven, a kid slung on my hip, or one toddling by my side, all I can really do now is chuckle. And not in a nasty spiteful way. It's because I've been asked this more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. After being married for 6 whole months, a few friends gently poked and prodded when the pitter patter of Baby Frazier would be heard. Three years ago I would make a joke like, "Well we haven't even been married a year yet, so let's just wait until that mile marker hits ok?"

Then the year marker passed and more and more friends began poking and prodding asking when we were going to make the big announcement. And again I told them we were planning for our future, and being overseas away from our families wasn't ideal for both of us who are both super family oriented people. So I told them give it another year and then come back and ask.

Then the 2 year marker came and passed and I then started to get the concerning question if either me or my husband were infertile. That's when the poking and prodding really started to get to me. We were still living overseas and though I repeatedly told people we wanted our families near for this special time in our lives, many told us starting a family shouldn't matter to your families, it should matter to you. How did I respond to this? Deleted them off my social media and averted my direction when seeing them in public. Ain't nobody got time for dat.

So now here it is present day. We've been married close to 3 years (almost 4 legally.) And babies still aren't considered on the "To-Do" list. Do we want kids? Yes...and maybe no. Just like when we were married 6 months back in Italy, human children were still up in the air, and a "We'll get to that later" type of attitude. Later doesn't have a date for us. But also we're not the "If it happens, it happens!" type of couple either. My anxiety won't let me consider that type of mindset. The type that is carefree, worry free, and let life take you by the hand. I have never lived that way and am waaay too uptight and self controlling.

A part of me wishes I would let go of these anxious fears. I have been asked, "What are you so afraid about?" To be honest, I think all of it. The whole having a baby thing from A to Z. From start to finish (is there really ever an actual finish? More like infinity.)

I'm anxious to carry a child inside me.
I'm anxious to give birth.
I'm anxious to feed a child.
I'm anxious I won't understand when a child is sick.
I'm anxious about when a child sleeps.
I'm anxious about illnesses a child can acquire.
I'm anxious I won't have maternal instincts.
I'm anxious I will get so stressed out I will run away.
I'm anxious if I run away this child will resent me forever.
I'm anxious if I run away my husband will resent me forever.

After nearly 3 years of happily married to my one and only, I am still not ready to bring a human life into this world. Yep, I still can't wrap my head around the thought of myself reproducing.

And this has NOTHING to do with my husband. Because I knew from the start he would make an amazing father. That was one of the many, many things I was utterly and completely attracted to when I knew 1 month after dating him that he was the one. My husband is one of the most caring and take charge type of men I know. I know I sound boastful because I bet so many other women say that about their significant others but I mean everything I said. He would be there through thick and thin.

So I have to ask myself, "What the heck is wrong with me?"
I know my friends and family have said, "Oh you'll know when you know," and "You are still so young!" and "There's always adoption."

It's not just the "having a baby" thing I'm anxious about. It's actually raising a child too. Because of how I act and react as an adult, I'm just not so sure if taking care of another human life would be a wise decision for myself. I'm uber selfish, and (and this is going to sound strange) I am completely and hopelessly obsessed with our cats. Like an addiction. Not unhealthy, but not your typical "I love my cat" kind of thing. I treat our cats like they're our kids. But cats are SO EASY.

I tell people, "If you have a dog you somewhat like human kids because dogs are like human children in a way." "True anti kid people have cats. Or no pets at all, lol."

Stereotypical as that sounds, dogs are very much like a furry human child. They NEED your attention. They NEED to played with. They WANT to be next to you. Dogs are very awesome, but I honestly couldn't handle a dog if I owned one. So what does that tell you about me?

Bitter as this blog post sounds, I'm glad I finally got this off my chest. The ACTUAL reasons why human children still aren't on my "To do" list. I'm officially in my late twenties, I can hear my biological ticking in the background and I'm continuously ignoring the sound by watching my mass amount of YouTube videos. Luckily since we've traveled back to the Mother Land there have been so many more distractions I have been able to participate in like a job and school. Those help keep my mind on track for what I still want to accomplish in this lifespan.

So here's where I end my blog post. Still not a baby maker, nor a newlywed anymore...somewhere in between. And as rumors may stir and questions become more prevalent, I am starting to take on everything more with a grain of sand. If kids don't ever enter my life I'm ok with that. In a way it's sad, but in another way I absolutely HAVE to be ready for a kid to enter our lives. I know it's BOTH my husband and my choice, so this choice has to be mutual.

Cheers, Kadie

Talk About It Tuesday: Not to Disappoint You...

It's Talk About It Tuesday people, and I'm back at it again.
I decided to write a post tonight explaining (or talking about) the plethora amount of questions that SO many of these new spouses arriving at Aviano have been asking on the spouse page.

DISCLOSURE: This post isn't to poke fun at, and all names have been kept anonymous. It's more of a "realistic" answer form which I so wish I would have known before stepping foot on that 14 hour plane ride nearly 3 years ago embarking on this magical and mystical...let's get real, this was no fairy tale adventure...this was more like a "kick-in-the-booty-more-disappointing-than-excellent-adventure-finding-myself-but-more-of-a-waste-time-I-lived-in-Italy."

So without further ado, here are just some of the questions which I (as well as others) have asked BEFORE [and] AFTER arriving here. Believe me I have the up most sympathy for these lovelies because I totally know how they feel!):

Q1: I sell a variety of handmade items on Etsy. What time does the Post Office on base open?
A1: Unfortunately due to the SOFA (Status of Forces Agreement) based on the Italian Law, it is illegal for spouses to sell items while residing in Italy for profit. The Post Office on base is not to be used for business related inquiries. The Italian Post Offices off base require a tax form and you will subjected to pay the 23% taxes. Also sending off numerous packages via Italian Post Office gives the Italian Law right to investigate if you are conducting a business without a work visa.

Q2: I am just a few credits shy of my Registered Nursing degree. What schools are offered on base?
A2: Unfortunately students can only take prerequisites for a RN degree. There are no hands-on courses available here.

Q3: I'm wanting to work on base. How do I apply for a job, and what jobs are offered?
A3: There are two options for applying for jobs. www.usajobs.gov and www.nafjobs.org. There you will make a profile and apply for the desired job. Just a fair warning it can be difficult to obtain a job here. If you are interested in childcare such as the Child Development Center (CDC,) and the Aviano Youth Program (AYP,) you shouldn't have as hard of time getting one of those jobs. Also the Bowling Alley and Deja Brew on base are usually hiring as well. Your resumes on file could take up to a year for you to obtain a job at a designated facility.

Q4: What's on base housing like?
A4: Here at Aviano there is no on base housing available. All enlisted and officers who are at a designated rank and/or married are required to live off base in a privately owned house/apartment/condo/duplex. There are a few "GHRP" (Government Housing Rental Program) homes available, but many are farther from base and not in very nice neighborhoods. Stand alone houses are few and far between, and many are farther from base as well. Many families live in "row houses" aka townhouses that suit very well.

Q5: What types of cars are driven there? I'm wanting to just get a little automatic for under $2,000.
A5: Many Italians drive little beater cars. About 80% of cars driven here are manual (stick shift.) Automatics are few and far between and are expensive because they are the most sought after. I would recommend learning how to drive a manual. There could be a chance that your car may break down or you need to take someone home and there's a good chance that car is a manual.

Q6: My husband and I are dry heat lovers! What's the weather like in Italy?
A6: Be prepared to purchase rain boots. Here in Northeastern Italy it rains...a lot! And it's also muggy and humid. It does get hot during the summer months, but combined with nearly 100% humidity and you're basking in a sticky hot mess.

Q7: I've heard the term "riposo." What's that?
A7: Riposo aka "Ease or Rest" is typically a 3 hour break mid day the Italian workers on the economy take. Entire stores close down for this "rest" so unfortunately you cannot run errands and such until after the riposo. Luckily on base doesn't have riposo.

Q8: What are gas coupons?
A8: Here in Italy gas is rationed to Americans. Unless you choose to pay in euro (and spend a fortune) the base has regulated monthly gas rations in order to provide somewhat of a break for Americans/on base faculty. Believe me, it's much cheaper using gas rations! One of the strings attached to this break are the gas stations close before 9pm on weekdays, 6pm on Saturdays, and noon on Sundays (unless you wish to drive all the way out to the Autostrada to get gas.) So many people suggest filling up before the weekend. Oh and gas stations also take riposos too, so plan accordingly.

Q9: The commissary always seems to run out of things quickly. Why is that?
A9: Blame the crunchies! Lol just kidding. The Aviano commissary runs out of certain items quite frequently because many items are popular among the community and cannot be purchased off base on the economy. Unfortunately the shipment schedule goes like this: Almost all shipments are first sent to Ramstein Germany, the hub and one of the largest bases in Europe. The shipments are then split and sent to Vicenza Army base, THEN Aviano. Yes, Aviano gets shipped to last usually. The BX also ships to Aviano last. That's why popular items which run out easily at Aviano are usually in stock at Vincenza and Ramstein...because those bases get the main shipments and Aviano basically get the remainder...but enough to stock their inventory. No leftovers.

Q10: What are the bills like in Italy?
A10: There are a few different type of bills: Electricity, Water, Gasolio, and Bombola. Let's start with electricity shall we? Recently housing switched companies to a new electric provider in hopes the electricity bills would come more frequently than the past company's "Once in a blue moon" pattern. Unfortunately just like the old company, this new company is on the same pattern. Electricity bills pop up at random. Sometimes every 3 months and sometimes every 6 months. The cost of electricity really depends on your home. If your home is newer, chances are it is more efficient. If your home is on the older side, chances are if the home hasn't been upgraded your bills will be higher. In the winter time on average, an electricity bill ranges from 500-1,300 Euros roughly every 3 months. Luckily (and I say this with a ton of emphasis) the military gives each family utility allowance to cover ALL of your utility expenses. What YOU choose to do with it is your own business, however there have been a few families who never had received a bill before they left and ended up owing $10,000!
So save that dough!
Water is by far the cheapest here. And pretty anywhere else in the world. On average water costs $100-$250/year. Crazy cheap!
Bombola is also fairly cheap and is also known as propane.
Gasolio is actually similar to electricity for the fact these bills can be random as well. Unless your home includes a gasolio tank in which you fill up how much you need for your radiators. My husband and myself have only filled up TWICE since we've lived at our house totaling $800. That's it! And the reason why we've only filled up twice and paid only $800 was because during the winter we chose to dress in layers, snuggle with the kitties, and basically freeze, lol. We were more into saving $$ than blowing it all on our selfish needs.

Q11: Whats's the culture like in Italy?
A11: Italian culture is quite different than the typical/average American culture. Italians are SLOW and take their time on daily tasks. What takes an American a day to accomplish, may take an Italian a week to get done. Italians are very family oriented, and enjoy spending most if not all their time with their loved ones. They take great pride in their eating times, and take time out to actually enjoy life. Most Italians are very happy, though they look irritated when looking at their faces. I call it the typical "Italian Stink Eye" lol. Also Italians don't understand what a personal bubble is. They crowd and [gently] push their way into groups. They're not trying to be mean necessarily, they just want to get what everyone else is having/doing.

Q12: My mom has the summer off and I'd like to go back on the rotator since it's cheaper. How does all of that work?
A12: Good luck trying to fly the rotator during the summer if you're a category 4 or below. Summer is the most busiest time to fly the rotator since many families with children PCS during that time so their children aren't taken out of school. Also many families go on vacation during the summer since their children are out of school. The motto for the rotator is, "It may be easy to get out of Aviano, but getting back is another story." Some people (mainly spouses and children) who are categories 4 and below are stranded at BWI (Baltimore International) for weeks at a time (this is if they don't have family on the East Coast, and had to take a plane to BWI.) My advice would be to fly commercial round trip if you're planning on going back stateside for the summer. From my own personal experience, I left during high PCS season easily, but chose to stay stateside for several months before flying on the rotator back to Aviano. Keep in mind if you are gone for over 30 days then you will lose COLA and utilities!

So now do you understand why many spouses aren't command sponsored? Or they simply return back stateside and never come back?

I know this post sounds like an utterly and completely negative, bitter, and "Why would you even write this post" but if you're ANYTHING like me..."entrepreneur ambitious, career-driven, family oriented, outgoing, not-ready-to-pop-some-kids-out" type of gal, then you should maybe think twice before putting Aviano Italy on your list.

I agree, it IS what you make of a place, and to bloom where you are planted. But after having at least 15 doors slammed in your face, I think something's telling me this place isn't for an individual like myself.

So for future spouses, take heart. Some will grow to love this place, and others (like myself) not so much.

FAQ's: You asked, we answered!

Over the few years my husband and I have been married and living abroad, I've had quite the plethora of questions asked by my fellow friends and followers. I answer most, but those answers don't travel through the grapevine making new friends and followers ask repeated questions. So I decided why not list the most commonly asked questions here, and I give you our answers!

Q: There seems to be not just one wedding date for you guys. Why is that?
A: You're right there isn't just one. According to the state of Washington our legal marriage date is September 21, 2011. However we "officially" wed in front of our friends and family on April 14, 2012.

Q: When did your husband Topher join the military?
A: Toph enlisted in the military in February 2009 however he waited until one of his top 3 job positions opened up and went to basic training in April 2011. Unfortunately his "join date" didn't count until he went to basic.

Q: Why did your husband enlist in the military?
A: Toph enlisted after realizing his current job was getting him no where. He knew he wanted to better himself for the future and earn a decent living. I couldn't be more proud of him because sometimes it takes a person years to realize their life isn't going anywhere.

Q: Why did your husband choose Italy as his first duty assignment?
A: Toph actually didn't choose Italy as his first assignment. Italy was chosen by the Air Force. Ironically he put nothing down for overseas bases, because he wanted to stay as close to his family as possible. The Air Force puts you where they want you, and where a job opening suitable for your rank is offered.

Q: So he didn't choose Mountain Home AFB in Idaho either?
A: Technically we chose Mountain Home AFB out of the bases that were offered to us at that time. Idaho was the only job opening that was close to both our families.

Q: Weren't you guys going to Japan earlier this year?
A: Yes we had orders to Japan however Toph chose to amend those orders because I wanted to continue furthering my education and to be close to our families. Living almost 6,000 miles away in Italy has been rough on both of us.

Q: Why do you hate Italy so much? It's a gorgeous country that many only dream of visiting.
A: We don't "hate" Italy. And "visiting" here is SO much different than "living" here. For me as a career-driven entrepreneur Italy was a major set back. Legally I cannot have a home business here since I do not posses a work visa. I am on a government affiliated mission visa. About 99.9% of the dependents here have a mission visa. I chose not to obtain a work visa here due to the 23% taxes I would have to pay, and losing my base privileges. Though there are some dependents here that continue to have a home business, I chose to shut mine down and not run the risk of being deported or ending up in the Italian jail for an associated amount of time. I also could not go to school for my desired major because it is not offered here on base. To visit here is wonderful because tourists don't become stuck in a rut of day-to-day life that just seems to drag on. Heck if I were to just "visit" here with no strings attached I would be more than willing to say I LOVE ITALY!

Q: What's the weather like in Italy?
A: It depends on which part of Italy you're wanting to know about. Here in Northeastern Italy it's humid almost year around. It rains almost year around as well. Summers are usually muggy and around mid eighties. The winters here are wet and cold with sometimes a dusting of snow. I usually tell people it's similar to the weather in the Pacific Northwest, but just crank up the humidity to 90%.

Q: What rank is your husband?
A: Toph tacked on Senior Airmen last November, so he is an E4 rank.

Q: We haven't heard you talk about the food in Italy very often...do you enjoy it?
A: Personally the food here is kinda bland. I cook homemade meals anywhere from 90-95% of the time (we rarely eat out) and I honestly prefer my cooking (yes I'm biased) over the cooking here. It's ok, but I miss American cooking with a passion.

Q: Is it expensive to live in Italy?
A: If you're living on the economy as a American citizen yes, I believe it's very expensive. Though produce markets here are relatively cheap, dining out here is ridiculously expensive. We really only go to a sushi restaurant about every 3 months or so and for both of us to order 4-5 things off the menu is about $70. Those items in the states would have cost us maybe $30. Rip off.

Q: What exactly does the military pay for?
A: The military pays for our house, medical/dental, utility allowance, and COLA (cost of living allowance for overseas.) But technically much of that comes out of Toph's paycheck.

Q: Where have you traveled while in Italy?
A: Not very much, lol. We've never left Italy. We chose to save our $$ and plan for our future.

Q: Aren't you going to regret never traveling while living abroad?
A: Not really. We just never got the travel bug. Sad to most, but like mentioned earlier, we had no intentions of living abroad. It's expensive to travel here.

Q: Why didn't you ever get a job there?
A: I actually tried for over a year to get a job. I applied for over 15 different positions and was unfortunately never hired. Degrees and certifications didn't mean ANYTHING as to why I wasn't hired. None of the jobs I applied for required a degree. There is over 2,000 dependents here all applying for virtually the same positions...it was too competitive. The last job I applied for and wasn't hired was because the dependent which was hired made cookies. Yep, a sad reason.

Q: You mention 220V...what's that?
A: Here in Europe 220V is the electricity used. 220 volts/50 hertz. In the states the electricity is 110 volts/60 hertz. Unless your appliances/electronics are dual voltage you will have to purchase 220 items or use your 110 items on a transformer. We chose not to use our 110 items on a transformer because the motor wears out faster. So all the appliances we were given at our wedding are still new in their boxes waiting to be used when we get to Mountain Home!!!

Q: What kind of camera do you shoot with?
A: I shoot with an entry level Canon T3i DSLR. I'm an amateur photographer (just started this year) and decided on this camera to begin with. The one thing I would change about this camera would be continuous auto focus. The T4i is when Canon started making continuous auto focus on their entry level cameras.

Q: New lens?
A: I just got the cheapest lens Canon makes, a 50mm 1.8. It was 100 bucks. I wanted something that would make the bokeh super creamy in the background. This is an awesome lens if you're wanting to step outside your comfort-zoned kit lens. It is however a prime lens meaning you can't zoom in or out without physically getting closer or farther away from your object. And using this on a crop sensor camera actually makes this lens an 80mm instead of a 50mm. I would LOVE a full framed camera...but not the $$$$ price tag.

Q: What do you use to edit your videos.
A: Windows Live Movie Maker. And I hate it, lol. It's great for just the basic stuff but if you're looking for voice overs, zooming in on a clip, etc. Definitely go with something more pro. iMovie is amazing. My next laptop (once this one kicks the dust) will be a MacBook Pro. I am beginning to despise PC's lol.


So that's a good amount of questions for ya all to read through! Please comment down below if you'd like me to answer some more questions in the near future!